to be so upset with dds friend, and never allow her in the house again

(168 Posts)
LucyLasticKnickers Tue 10-Dec-13 10:20:02

or to have a word with her mother.

dd had a birthday party sleepover, she was 16.
she had four friends round.
it was fine, a few grumbles. me and dh did a big tidy in preparation.

apart from the shower curtain, that isnt very pleasant but tbh i did not expect anyone to have a shower in the morning.

anyone one friend - reminds me of a girl i went to college with - insufferable snob. but they all like her. had a shower, i dont know if that was it, but apparently on the way home she told anotehr friend she needed another shower to get over being at our house!
sad
dd has only just plucked up the courage to tell me, nearly 6 months after the event.
these 4 friends are apparently anglying for anotehr invite.

tell me she is only 16 and I should get over it but I am so upset.

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons Tue 10-Dec-13 10:39:23

Why would you think they wouldn't want to shower after a sleepover?

Geckos48 Tue 10-Dec-13 10:39:36

From you description, it sounds like you are not particularly clean people and made an effort to tidy but didn't really have a very clean house to start with... I'm not looking down on you, I have 2 babies at home and my house is far from clean or tidy, the walls are drawn on, the rug is destroyed and there are toys everywhere, but as my children get older and it is possible to clean up and to work longer hours I intend on keeping a presentable house for their sakes...

Kids get bullied for this sort of stuff, it's important to keep on top of it.

LucyLasticKnickers Tue 10-Dec-13 10:40:33

oh yellowcake. my dd kept it bottled up,
i hate my house tbh.
all our furniture is second hand.
dh is a horder of the highest order.

my dm has gone and invited my ds and her family, that's 6 of them, to us for christmas day. i cant afford to feed them and i cant face them looking down their noses at us.
then dd dropped this clanger. she doesnt want the family round either.

thebody Tue 10-Dec-13 10:40:35

lucy just ignore the bitching it's bloody rude. you can quite see how children get taught rude attitudes like this by reading comments on here!!!!!

my dds go to a huge mixed comp and have stayed in frankly mouldy flats to bloody 8 bed roomed gorgeous pads.

they like the friends and don't give a toss about the houses.

I am sure it was a throw away comment. if your dd wants them then let her. be friendly with them all and remember she will move on.

Greensleeves Tue 10-Dec-13 10:41:12

We don't know OP's house is dirty or an embarrassment to her dd! How mean.

I would be hurt too OP, but teenaged girls put on all kinds of airs and graces to impress each other. Try and take it with a pinch of salt. And YWBNU not to invite her again if you don't want to, it's your home and it won't hurt any of them to learn that if you badmouth people, they may not like you!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 10-Dec-13 10:41:27

I wouldn't need to make any special effort with my home to have a sleepover for 16 year olds. The fact that you did, suggests that maybe your cleanliness isn't up to scratch?

I don't mean to be harsh - do you ever have other, adult visitors?

I think your DD has told you because she is hoping you will replace the shower curtain before they come again.

And of course 16 year old girls will want to have a shower in the morning - why wouldn't they? confused

LucyLasticKnickers Tue 10-Dec-13 10:42:02

thanks the body for our kind words

am off shopping now, might check later.

CoffeeTea103 Tue 10-Dec-13 10:42:24

Imo I would expect that people wake up and shower. Not sure why you don't see that as something you should do. A shower curtain is also something should be kept clean too.
Tbh the girl just probably said it like it is.

PuppyMonkey Tue 10-Dec-13 10:42:26

I'd expect them to have a shower when they get home. confused

thebody Tue 10-Dec-13 10:42:29

tell your dm no they can't come!! why is she inviting guests to you?

come on op stand up for yourself.

DaddyIsHome Tue 10-Dec-13 10:43:05

Thats not very nice! I can see why you would be upset. Id let her back but somehow make it so that she needs to ask to use the shower, then just tell her you havnt cleaned it so it cant be good enough for her so no. I can be particularily passive aggressive smile

But gecko the OP has a 16 year old DD. Isn't it partly her responsibility to do extra cleaning if it's bothering her? I mean, a 16 year old's parents doing a 'big tidy' so her mates can come around sounds a bit odd to me.

livenlet Tue 10-Dec-13 10:43:19

You no you can put your moldy shower curtain in the washing machine rigth?

Geckos48 Tue 10-Dec-13 10:43:29

Sounds like your DH is the problem, buy him a shed to fill and ban his hoarding from the house

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 10-Dec-13 10:43:40

Your Mum is out of order doing that. Why can't she host??

PuppyMonkey Tue 10-Dec-13 10:43:59

Girls don't usually die from not having a shower in the morning after a sleepover.

RedLondonBus Tue 10-Dec-13 10:44:08

Sounds like your hoarding DH is the problem here

StanleyLambchop Tue 10-Dec-13 10:44:28

Maybe her friends have clean tidy homes and yours is a bit of a shocker?!

So what if it was, the OP offered hospitality to her DD's friends, she tried her best to make it nice. Yes the girl was 16, but it is still rude. If they are all from such tidy homes, why don't one of them host the next sleepover, instead of angling for an invite at yours again. I bet it is because 'snobby parents' don't want a bunch of teenage girls in their pristine home, mucking it up! It is all very well to sneer at someone's house, but if you don't like it then host the sleepover yourself!! YANBU!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 10-Dec-13 10:45:02

LRD if the Dad is a hoarder then how can a child make headway against that?

RedLondonBus Tue 10-Dec-13 10:45:31

16 year olds won't die, course not, but daily showers from puberty is what we teach them isn't it?

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Tue 10-Dec-13 10:45:31

Well i would expect overnight guests to want to use the bathroom, and so i'd have it in a fit state for them. Shower curtains are like £4 in ikea, and it takes no time to stick them in the wash and hang them back up again. I grew up in a very pristine house, and although mine is considerably less pristine, dirty toilets/sinks/baths/kitchen worktops in other people's houses still give me the boaks. Obviously i try to suppress this in front of people but then i'm not a 16yo girl.

Geckos48 Tue 10-Dec-13 10:45:48

@LRD yes it is important to have clean houses for teenagers, that's why I said she should clean her house, her daughter is probably embarrassed.

But I was also point out that I am not some snob looking down at her from some lofty height of cleanliness! My kids are babies and our house is awful!

Hearing what the OP heard would make me do one thing... Clean!

CoffeeTea103 Tue 10-Dec-13 10:46:12

The op has said that her DH has a hoarding problem. The girl probably made the shower comment to the house itself not the shower curtain. And that would be justified in a hoarding situation. Sadly it's the entire family that suffers with this.
Op is your DH receiving any help with the problem, it might be affecting your dd more than you know.

LucyLasticKnickers Tue 10-Dec-13 10:46:54

thanks again <<must go>>

feeling better

JakeBullet Tue 10-Dec-13 10:48:13

I have dyspraxia and struggle with cleaning and organisation. For this reason I will NEVER have a sleepover here for DS.....just in case he has friends with parents as judgmental and condescending as some of you sound here.

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