To wish that DH would wear his hearing aids?

(34 Posts)
Sightoabloodyscream Sun 08-Dec-13 20:35:51

I've NC because everyone I know knows how pissed off I am about this.

Dh has struggled to hear ever since we met, but it was only after it looked like our son may have hearing difficulties that we were both tested.

I appear to have the hearing of a particularly large-eared bat; Dh has the hearing of an 80 year old.

You can see the problem.

"Stop muttering."
"I'm not."

"Sigh, sigh, sigh. Fucking hell, I've asked you (insert question) five times!"
"I answered. Five times." etc, etc.

Anyway. Eventually, dh got hearing aids and I thought all would be right with the world: he would be able to hear me; the tv could be a reasonable volume; I wouldn't always be the first to hear the kids; the neighbours wouldn't have to hear every detail of our conversation; I wouldn't have to say the same thing over and over again.

But does he wear them? Does he fuck. Sorry, yes he does - to watch Game of Thrones and Walking dead. Oh, and Homeland because apparently they mumble on that too.

So am I being unreasonable?

ChrisMooseMickey Mon 09-Dec-13 06:31:28

good luck purple- i had mine fitted when I was 6 and it was the best thing that my mum ever said yes too!
the aids are all singing and dancing now too- mine has flashy lights grin

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine Sun 08-Dec-13 23:56:38

If you are getting ear infections from sweaty moulds etc., I've been told that soaking the moulds in a Savlon/water mixture overnight can help (also helps to stop the moulds discolouring). Obviously a BAHA is better if it's suitable and you can get through the waiting list, but if not/in the meantime that can help.

spottyblanket Sun 08-Dec-13 23:46:25

My dd often decides to just wear one aid instead of both. she prefers it. i think it helps her to cope by being able to tune out when she needs to, especially when tired ( not sure if its a good idea really but it's her choice).

RiceBurner Sun 08-Dec-13 21:49:22

PS You willl need devise certain 'strategies' for communcating with someone who can't hear well, assuming that are already doing their 'bit' ie that they are WEARING their HAs.

One of my 'rules' is that I REFUSE to shout. (Unless in an emergency!) I have a very weak voice and this would just hurt me if I did it a lot. So I have never gone down the route of shouting.

I think a lot of people end up shouting (eg to deaf, old folks) but I find it quite rude/embarrassing and not very helpful.

Much better to get their attention (somehow) 1st, and then speak face to face. Mostly this means you have to find/get close to them. (Or they they have to find/approach you.) Speaking slowly and clearly to their face means they have more chance to hear you better. I can never attempt to communciate with my DH over a long distance esp if there's wind or any other noise going on.

Another tactic is to start speaking, then pause ... to see if you have the person's full attention ... so you won't have to repeat the WHOLE story over again! (Which is very annoying.) So I wait for eye contact before I continue.

And for TV, you can get special devises (wireless lightweight headsets) for the hard of hearing, which means the rest of you don't have to have the TV on full volume.

As with most disabilities, having the money to buy the best aids is really very useful. (So hope that's not a problem for you.)

FYI, HAs are advancing at a very quick pace and our son (now a young working adult) has got tiny inside-the-ear-canal HAs which are very discreet & very powerful. (Also very expensive!) They are pre-programmed by the audiologst for his hearing loss, then they 'learn' what sounds are most common for his environment and adapt their functions accordingly, (somehow) to 'cope' with the varying levels of sound he is exposed to. (This is to protect the ears from sudden loud noises while allowing for more amplification in quiet situations.)

It seems it DOES take a long time to get used to wearing HAs for adults, and they are obviously v annoying to have in the ears, (as no one would choose to wear them if they didn't have to), but I understand that the more you wear them (as long as they are decent ones which fit), the easier/better it gets. (They 'learn' and the wearer adapts.)

So I really hope your DH will look into making sure he has the best HAs he can afford (or that the NHS can offer) and that he 'makes friends' with wearing them, as he will miss so much if he doesn't. And with age, he will struggle more and more. So the sooner he gets used to them the better?

Even for a modest hearing lose I think they are a great boon.

And more people are openly wearing HAs now ... ie not trying to hide them ... including younger people. (You can even get brightly coloured ones for behind the ear.) So it would be great if you could convince him to wear his ... for him and also for others (including kids) who might have far worse hearing loss than his?

Is there a chance your DS will need HAs one day? If yes, his dad should show him how 'cool' they are and/or show a good example re wearing his now?! smile

MrsBramleyApple Sun 08-Dec-13 21:48:44

DS2 has hearing aids (digi) and has Elmo charms on them. He hasn't been offered a cochlear implant and if he had when he was younger I wouldn't have said yes as I think it is his decision to make and not mine.........

Footle Sun 08-Dec-13 21:46:42

Great thread , thanks everyone. DH wears his all the time he's awake. I'm rubbish at producing my voice properly , and it does make us both feel sad and sometimes exasperated. Subtitles help with tv and films. He also has a digital amplifier thingy for extra clarity in certain situations. Hearing aids help a lot but not enough.

Catrin Sun 08-Dec-13 21:44:09

YANBU. DD is profoundly Deaf, yet is very Deaf unaware still - turns away mid conversation etc when she doesn't have her implant on so cannot see me signing, then complains I did not finish talking to her.

Re BAHAs - the people I have known with them have had excellent results. Best of luck with it.

Good luck purple fsmile

StillSlightlyCrumpled Sun 08-Dec-13 21:40:41

Good luck purple. DS has worn heating aids since he was a toddler & I'm not exaggerating when I say they've changed his life. He had a few issues with infections in the wounds, but we kind of expected that as he has a compromised immune system anyway.
DH & I have both noticed that he is more able to keep up with the flow of conversations at the dinner table.
I hope the surgery goes well & that you're soon enjoying better hearingsmile.

purple15 Sun 08-Dec-13 21:36:25

I am glad about all the good reports about the Baha. I am due to have my surgery on the 10th of Jan.
I had a brain tumour and so am completely deaf in my right ear. Last night I went for a meal ( 27 people) in a very busy restaurant. Sitting next to people I hadn't met before. Embarassing there are only so many times you can ask to repeat. I am hoping the Baha will at least let me know when people are talking.

StillSlightlyCrumpled Sun 08-Dec-13 21:29:01

Should have added DS wears two BAHA's, & has a conductive & sensorineural hearing loss.

GobbySadcase Sun 08-Dec-13 21:28:47

It's bloody fab when the kids are screeching to just pop them out though grin

(Been wearing mine since I was 5)

YANBU. My Dad has awful hearing, some age related but mainly he damaged his ears in his yoof playing Staus Quo at window shattering levels through headphones. He is now 71 and won't wear his HA's because they make him ''look old''. He can barely hear any conversations but still...no hearing aids hmm.

StillSlightlyCrumpled Sun 08-Dec-13 21:24:21

I can honestly say that DS' bone anchored hearing aids (BAHA's) have changed his & our lives.

He had to have two operations, the first to insert a screw into his skull behind the ears. Three months later, once the wound had healed he had the second op to secure the abutment. Now, he gets up clips the aid on to the abutment & off he goes. Nothing in his ears, no hair or skin or knackered ear canals for the sound to travel through.

He's had a permanent ear infection for probably two years of varying degrees & (touch everything wood!) it seems to have gone grin. Mostly because he doesn't have sweaty moulds in his ears.

They also don't bloody whistle. A relief for him & us! smile

ChrisMooseMickey Sun 08-Dec-13 21:23:01

the hearing aid is the plug, sorry!

ChrisMooseMickey Sun 08-Dec-13 21:22:27

purple I wear a bone anchored hearing aid. A tiny pin is fixed on a screw anchored into a point in your skull behind your ear- imagine a plug and a plug socket- the pin is a socket, the hearing aid is the socket. The sound picked up from the hearing aid is then transmitted through the pin and vibrates on the bone- therefore, you hear the sound. Primarily suited to people with conductive and unilateral hearing losses- or people without ears.

Bone anchored hearing aids

bearleftmonkeyright Sun 08-Dec-13 21:19:23

I don't think not wearing hearing aids has anything to do with vanity and everything to do with feeling as though you can manage without them.

I have a hearing aid (I need two, but don't want two). I only wear it for work as I really don't like using it. It feels horrible in my ear. People who don't need hearing aids can't understand how it feels. But I sympathise with them.

ChrisMooseMickey Sun 08-Dec-13 21:16:38

I'm deaf myself- always have been.

If he isn't wearing them very often- he won't get used to them. Everytime I receive a new one (I have to wear mine all the time apart from nighttime), it takes a good 3 or 4 days to get adjusted to them. Its horrendous- everything is off kilter, but once adjusted- he'll never look back. He may also be in denial about his hearing problems. I hope you have a bit of success convincing him. biscuit

purple15 Sun 08-Dec-13 21:15:09

Please can you tell me more about the bone anchored hearing aid.

RiceBurner Sun 08-Dec-13 21:11:50

YANBU.

Tell ur DH that if he wants to keep what hearing he still has (because we all lose it with age and he has less than average) he needs to wear the HAs as much as possible. Otherwise the neurons (or something like that) won't get stimulated enough .... and will die. (True I believe.) So it's not just that he should wear them for YOU. (It' sto protect the hearing he still has for later on.)

I have a hearing impaired DH, so I have some experience. He's pretty deaf now, (as his hearing has got a lot worse over the yrs), & has to wear his 2 HAs all the time, except when sleeping. (Or swimming!) He is very good at doing so. (But still gets frustarted with his poor hearing at times ... of course.)

My MIL, on the other hand, never wanted to wear her HAs. (DH's hearing problem passed down from her.) And was very annoying to her DH as she couldnt hear and wouldnt wear them unless she was going out!

But, to be fair to her, HAs are a lot better now than they were when she 1st had them, say 40 yrs ago. (They were quite rubbish before.)

She's still not very good with them, (ie her HAs), but she does try a lot harder now, for sake of grandchildren. (To be able to hear what they say.) And she's less vain with age, tho they are well hidden under her hair which is easier for females than males.

Hope your DH has got "good" digital HAs ie which fit and work properly? (Otherwise he might have a reason for not wanting to use them ie if they hurt him or if they don't function well?)

But, (assuming the HAs work and don't hurt), please tell him to "use them or he will lose his hearing faster" which might frighten him into wearing the HAs more often?

He really needs to use ALL THE TIME.

Our son has also had (very bad) hearing from an earlier age than his dad, but (like most kids) he adapted to the situation far quicker and more easily than an adult. And his (uncomplaining/no hint of self-pity) example had a very good effect on both his father and his grandmother, as surely if he (a little boy) was happy(ish) to wear his HAs all the time, they should be too? (So they did.)

Good luck with convincing your DH to wear his HAs more often. It can be annoying to live with a person with poor hearing, (I know), so he needs to help you as much as he can, as he will need your good will, your help and your patience/understanding!

KungFuBustle Sun 08-Dec-13 21:11:17

I understand they're not a magic cure, but YANBU as he's being very rude. I personally wouldn't mind making an effort to be clear, I would mind being grumped at about something I can't help any more than the person grumping.

KepekCrumbs Sun 08-Dec-13 21:09:42

And yes yes to the way they make your ears feel full. And your own voice sounds kind of internal, like when you speak with your fingers in your ears.

YABU, it's very naive to imagine that hearing aids make you not deaf - they don't!
It gets on my tits when DH doesn't wear his and I'm bawling but as I'm deaf myself I understand how you need a rest from the noise of the amplification of hearing aids, especially at home, I take mine off as I leave work. blush
Your ears can get sore from them too.

It's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed by your DH (who doesn't find their own annoying?) but try to be a bit more understanding, hearing aids do not feel normal. Says the woman who shouted "you deaf bastard" at her DH this morning.

KepekCrumbs Sun 08-Dec-13 21:04:18

They take a long time to get used to. They feel alien andyou not just hear every noise you didn't before, but your brain, used to proceasing everything of the little you hear, goes into overdrive.

All the unnecessary noises people with normal hearing have leant to filter out, your brain screams into turbo drive to make sense of... it's truly horrible at the start. It can take years to learn to live with them and it's bliss to rip them out at the end of the day.

Plus you get terrified that you'll lose all your hearing strategies, lip reading skills and the ability to work out what peple are saying from context and the little you do hear.

But ultimately you must wear them or lose the ability completely to hear certain tones as the bits of your brains which process them kind of atrophy with no use at all. Then it's too late, with or without aids.

I really sympathise with him. And also the poor partners of hard of hearing people, including mine, who has to repeat things rather too much.

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