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to want to go to the party?

(26 Posts)
DoctorWhom Sun 08-Dec-13 12:29:23

Long story, but I've been signed off work with stress/depression. Partly PND with wasn't well acknowledged on my part, part poor support at work, part situation at home with DH working overseas a lot and no family around to help. I didn't necessarily agree with being signed off but agreed to it and I do now feel better - six weeks of antidepressants have finally started kicking in. I have an occupational health assessment at the end of the week which I hope will allow me back to work.

It's our Christmas party this week and I paid to go months ago. AIBU to go, despite still being 'sick'? I don't like being off and feel crap that I've not been in and they've been a man down. Although given how my shifts have fallen, I've only actually missed a week in total. I don't want to be the subject of gossip or resentfulness but at the same time, I want to go to the party.

OhYouMerryLittleKitten Sun 08-Dec-13 12:38:38

I would go, it would take some of the stress out of your return to work as you'd be able to chat to colleagues in a more relaxed environment.

T100 Sun 08-Dec-13 12:41:08

Personally I wouldn't go, but if you feel it would help then yanbu to go.

Ragwort Sun 08-Dec-13 12:48:46

I think it would seriously irritate your colleagues if you turned up at a party if they had been struggling to cover your work whilst you were off 'sick'. But it really depends on the nature of your work and how you get on with your colleagues. Is it worth having a chat with your manager first?

BackforGood Sun 08-Dec-13 12:59:32

I agree with Ragwort
but it depends so much on your situation. 1 circumstance I can think of, we'd love to see our colleague who has been off for best part of 2 yrs with Cancer, for a couple of hours at our (quiet) Christmas meal out. Another situation I can think of, where colleagues has dropped people in it many times with what seem like very trivial excuses to be off, it wouldn't go down at all well to know they were well enough to go partying but not well enough to do even a phased return at work. Difficult for us to judge your situation.

I wouldn't go, sorry.

I'd feel uncomfortable.

DoctorWhom Sun 08-Dec-13 13:06:51

I work in healthcare and have generally had a good relationship with everyone I work with. I think my judgement is clouded by the fact I never would have gone off if I hadn't been told to. I asked repeatedly about less duties or even nonclincal stuff but was declined. The boss thinks I should go, but he's a touch bullish like that grin

monkeysox Sun 08-Dec-13 13:08:36

You should go x

MalcolmTuckersMistress Sun 08-Dec-13 13:13:18

I'd go. Seriously fuck what any of your colleagues might think. Go for a while, you don't need to drink or even be the last one standing. But at least if you go and show face and then leave you will feel better about it. If anyone gets arsey about it then they're just a twat.

Mia4 Sun 08-Dec-13 13:20:03

OP I think this depends on your relationship with your workmates prior to this. We've had 2 people go off sick with stress in our building, one was genuinely ill and stressed and we all told her months before it happened how strong she was to keep going because we'd have all quit long before. Managment were shit, she was very passive and she needed time off.

The other person was lazy and did the bare minimum. Once she heard erson A had gone off she laughed while out with us at the pub, said how 'jammy' she was and how easy it was to do it. She even said she wished she could pretend to be stressed to get time off. Three days later she was suddenly stressed.

Person A, we can't wait until she comes back. We all felt awful for her and tried to help as best we could. If you are like person A OP (which it sounds), you'd be welcomed back with open arms, we'd be glad you were feeling better. I doubt many people are like person B tbh.

Do you have a few workmates you could text, perhaps meet up with for coffee to help ease you into it before?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Sun 08-Dec-13 13:22:04

Could you perhaps not speak to your boss about it?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Sun 08-Dec-13 13:24:24

Sorry. hungover and lost ability to communicate in English. I mean could you perhaps speak to your boss about it!! Obviously if you were not to then that would be you NOT speaking to your boss.

<<punches self in face>>

It also depends on whether your colleagues are more like friends, if it is a +1 and how you would feel if barbed comments were made to you.

Let's face it, it's easy to make comments that can get to someone, without going far enough, to be pulled up.

So it also depends on how vulnerable you are feeling and if it didn't go well, would set you back.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Sun 08-Dec-13 13:58:05

Sorry why is sick being written as 'sick'? You're not faking are you?

So long as it's not regarding potential bullying/harassment by a colleague/s which could have actual problems then you are perfectly entitled to go.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire Sun 08-Dec-13 14:09:14

If your boss thinks you should go, then you probably should. If you got signed off because there was no alternative, then really your colleagues should just accept that - even if it means that they might have been put under a bit of pressure to deal with your absence.

If they're nice people, they should be happy to see you - if they're inclined to be narky and gossipy then, as others have said, you might want to consider whether or not their attitude would have a negative impact on your own frame of mind.

ihatethecold Sun 08-Dec-13 14:15:01

I wouldnt go. you're either sick or not.

DoctorWhom Sun 08-Dec-13 14:18:48

No! Sorry, I just don't feel sick, minnie that's why. I have benefited from time off though, even just for the afternoon naps.

I don't think there will be narky comments, but I suspect they will ask if I'm coming back soon. Which I really hope to. In my mind, what would be best for me is to get back to normality, now I'm not in tears every day smile

I've the hotel booked from weeks ago - I might go but for a little while and then retire for a bath and a Full Night's Sleep.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire Sun 08-Dec-13 14:37:53

Doctor, if they ask if you're coming back soon, then you can say that you hope to and you've benefited from the enforced rest but can't wait to get back to work!

Seriously, you have nothing to apologise for - you NEEDED the break, or you wouldn't have been given it - and I believe you're technically not allowed to work while signed off as you're not covered by employer's insurance, so you couldn't be working anyway until your sign off period is up (although you can be assessed and found fit for work before, if it's a long period).

Go, have a good time, tell the colleagues that you feel so much better now you're not floored with the PND etc. and you're looking forward to getting back into it. smile

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 08-Dec-13 15:03:07

I wouldn't do it personally (in fact I missed mine one year because I was off work due to struggling with new bi-polar meds) but you deserve to enjoy yourself, and nice workmates wouldn't begrudge you a night out. Some people are a bit mean though and won't see the difference between working 9-5 mon-fri and a few hours having a meal.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Sun 08-Dec-13 15:12:44

Look sickness is just a term. If your sickness manifested more mentally you are still deserving of the time although might not have been wired to a bed. Do not fall into a trap of undervaluing your health, however it appears. Mental health deserves protection too. It's bugger all to do with colleagues, if your boss says it's ok, and you want to that's all that matters.

Have good time

squeakytoy Sun 08-Dec-13 15:18:58

I think if you go, get pissed as a fart and spend the night on the dancefloor being the centre of attention, people may well wonder if you really should be in work..

I think the best approach would be to speak with a close colleague, who could maybe talk to your other colleagues beforehand saying "Doc wants to go to the party but is a bit worried she will find it a bit overwhelming so dont give her a hard time if she wants to go up to her room early"..

DontmindifIdo Sun 08-Dec-13 15:24:48

It might be worth having a chat with your boss first, saying you are feeling much better, hope to be seen as fit to return to work at your meeting at the end of the week, hoped to come to the party and what did they think about it?

Also, I know what you mean about stress and depression not feeling to you like you are actually properly sick, I've got lots of sympathy when anyone else is struggling, but zero sympathy for myself when I've had depression/stress in the past, it's so much easier to feel like someone else needs the time off sometimes.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime Sun 08-Dec-13 15:31:52

if you hadn't paid for the party already, would you want to go?

DeWe Sun 08-Dec-13 15:56:03

I think if you go in for a couple of hours, say you really wanted to see everyone again and are hoping to be back soon, give out a few Christmas cards, that should be fine.

I think if you arrive at the beginning, drink heavily and stay right until the end, you may get some eyebrows raised.

It also, as others have said, slightly depends on the situation at work. If they're having to cover you to their detriment, comments already in work about you malingering then you may be inflaming the situation.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 08-Dec-13 17:02:30

I wouldn't go.

If you are going to go, then if it were me I'd arrive as soon as it starts, stay for an hour or two at most then leave.

If you get completely smashed, drag everyone up on the dancefloor, start a conga round the room, and are still sat at the bar at the end of the night knocking back shots, with the barstaff cleaning up around you, then I'd imagine there will be a few raised eyebrows, no matter how well thought of you are at work.

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