To think dh isn't participating enough in our family?

(53 Posts)
ALittleBitOfMagic Sun 08-Dec-13 10:08:03

I don't just mean housework and practical stuff but that is a big part of it too . Mostly I mean spending time with us and doing "dad" and "husband" stuff . Here are a few examples .

We have chosen to bring out dcs up with religion so I take them to church every Sunday . He's usually at work . He is off today and has a chance to come to church with his family . He has chosen to stay in bed .

1yo ds is going through a "let's get up during the night and play" phase . Putting him in his pram gets him back to sleep but I'm trying to get him to go back to sleep in his cot so have been persevering all night with him . Last week I was up all night and had to get up at 6.45am to go and do a 9 hour shift (dh was off the next day). Two nights later dh said he was going to put him in his pram because he had work the next day . I said no .

That next day I came home at 6pm and dh had done the bare minimum (if even that) in the house , I had make ds his dinner (to be fair dh went out and got us a take away)

He works 56 hours a week and I work 21 (but half the time I do more due to training commitments) he thinks because he works so much that's his job done .

He does do the school run every morning but never gets up to help me with the dcs I do them both then he gets up sees to himself then takes dd to school . The only time he gets up before half 8 is when I am at work (this is around 8 school days a month)

So anyway I am now rushing around getting three of us ready for church and he is lying in his bed . Am I being unfair on him ? I always end up thinking I am so I just put up with it even though I am not happy sad

Tapiocapearl Sun 08-Dec-13 14:44:37

I think church is optional and if he needs some time alone in his busy schedule, he should take it. Do you have any time alone yourself? If not, you should make some.

I think you should take turns sleeping in the morning.

foreverondiet Mon 09-Dec-13 00:41:54

I think you need to discuss a fairer way to divide up childcare and house stuff so you both end up with same number of hours for yourselves. As he works more hours than her he should do let childcare and housework but not fair for him to end up with more "me time".

Jinsei Mon 09-Dec-13 07:50:33

Why is everyone saying that the DH does no childcare? He not only does the school run every day, but he also gets the children up and ready in the mornings about 8 times a month - that's about 1 in every 3 school days? And if I've understood correctly, he looks after the kids while the OP is doing her own long shifts at work. Given that he works outside the home for 56 hours vs 21 for the OP, I'm not sure if that's such an unfair division of labour?

I suspect that the OP's DH is simply exhausted, and perhaps feels that he does a lot already. However, the OP is clearly exhausted too, and needs him to be more involved. OP, can you talk to him about how you feel and try to come to some sort of compromise?

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