To think that it's ok to want to bring up your children and to be a mother, just as it's ok to go out to work instead?

(432 Posts)

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bronya Thu 05-Dec-13 17:22:14

I was brought up to 'have a career' and to think about work not babies. I admit I'd be bored doing nothing, and love the tutoring that I do - but I have no wish at ALL to be the main wage earner and leave the childcare to someone else. When my DS was born, it felt like I was complete. I'm happier, have more self esteem and confidence than I've ever had. I've met many other mums who feel similarly. Surely, our choice is just as valid as those who are WOHM? The point of feminism was that we should have that choice - whichever one we choose is our decision, surely?

cupcake78 Thu 05-Dec-13 17:25:46

Completely agree feminism is about choice. What you decide to do is upto you and your family!

motherinferior Thu 05-Dec-13 17:26:49

I bring up my children and I'm a mother. I also work. Your point being?

WooWooOwl Thu 05-Dec-13 17:27:42

Women who have children and go out to work are still mothers.

And you are absolutely right that it should be your choice. As long as you don't claim benefits to pay for it.

HedgehogsRevenge Thu 05-Dec-13 17:29:16

Well YABU to say that working mothers 'go out to work instead'. Working mothers go out to work as well as being a mother, not instead of!

jammiedonut Thu 05-Dec-13 17:29:32

Yanbu at all. Each to their own. Tbh the only place I've encountered judginess about either choice is on MN. In rl I don't waste my time on people who would judge how I live my life!

LoveWine Thu 05-Dec-13 17:29:33

So women who go to work don't bring up their own children?

DontLetTheMugglesGetYouDown Thu 05-Dec-13 17:29:37

Totally agree! I've had loads of sly comments about being at home with DS off 'friends'. Really winds me up as I've said nothing about them choosing to work!

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Thu 05-Dec-13 17:29:53

I've done part time, full time, contract, working at home, full time at home. I was a feminist and a mother all that time. Who says otherwise?

Pagwatch Thu 05-Dec-13 17:31:16

Your op is unfortunately worded.

That aside,I think choice should be one of the benefits of feminism but sly there do seem to be groups who think their choices are superior.
They do tend to be priggish, opinionated wankers though so I try to pay them no mind smile

Lj8893 Thu 05-Dec-13 17:31:29

I don't think you thought your title through very well.

I understand what you are trying to say, I feel the same as you but if I or you or anybody did decide to work outside the home then that doesn't mean they are less of a mother or bringing up their dc any less than someone who chooses to stay at home.

LoveWine Thu 05-Dec-13 17:31:32

I didn't realise the only two options were to either be a mother or go to work.

janey68 Thu 05-Dec-13 17:32:33

Of course it's about choice - the choice of the couple for how they want to manage things in their own family. But it's very odd that you say working is something you do 'instead' of being a mother!

Many of us can relate totally to what you say- that becoming a mother can give us a feeling of deep joy, wholeness , empowerment- but we also work too. And no doubt many men feel similarly on becoming dads too . These things aren't mutually exclusive!

harrietspy Thu 05-Dec-13 17:36:13

There's no such thing as a part time mother. And all mothers are working mothers. Just concentrate on what works for you and your family at the moment.

BruthasTortoise Thu 05-Dec-13 17:39:32

I work full time and I'm a mother 24/7. I (and my DH who also works) bring up our children. Your post is offensive.

shrunkenhead Thu 05-Dec-13 17:39:44

I think the OP was saying she'd rather raise her children herself rather than pay someone else to do it, and yes"mother" status goes to anyone who's given birth.

MrsBungleScare Thu 05-Dec-13 17:40:04

Your title is unreasonable. I work and manage to bring up my children and be a mother. It's not work OR be a mother - I manage both perfectly well thanks.

formerbabe Thu 05-Dec-13 17:43:00

Its up to you. I personally have never really wanted a career...I always wanted to be a stay at home mum. I don't know why women get so worked up about other women's choices....I couldn't give a rats arse whether other mums work or stay home.

Orangeanddemons Thu 05-Dec-13 17:43:35

You need to find someone to support you first......

What will you fall back on if you don't become a mother?

shrunkenhead Thu 05-Dec-13 17:43:58

On the days I worked I didn't class myself as a FT mum as was paying a nursery to fill the gap I wasn't there to "mother" my dd.

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 05-Dec-13 17:44:16

Mmm i doubt people stop being a mum just because they work hmm

Its dads i feel sorry for, they have little or no choice as are automatically expected to be the earner simply because they were born male. Many dont even get a say in whether their wife works or not as some believe its their right to not work.

Down to the individual as long as they finnance it. It does put the sahm in a very dangerous position though should things go pear shape. Also quite sad that any believe its the automatic choice rather than being able to work and parent and sending that message to future generations.

janey68 Thu 05-Dec-13 17:44:33

Ah...maybe this is one of those stealth OPs designed to sound innocent, but actually leading towards telling us that working parents don't raise their own children. Oh dearie me.

IWillDoItTomorrow Thu 05-Dec-13 17:46:15

YABU from the title.

YANBU about the point.

I work. I am still a mother and always will be.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Thu 05-Dec-13 17:46:54

That title is designed to cause an arguement imo.

bronya Thu 05-Dec-13 17:47:41

Well, I tried to change the title, as I didn't realize how it looked 'till I read it, but there doesn't seem to be an option for that? Just wound up by recent comments in real life and not thinking straight! What I meant was - you can SAHM or WOHM, surely it's your choice? I was brought up to believe WOHM was the only 'proper' option. Turns out, it isn't. No need to have any feathers ruffled, folks!

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