Exp DNA tested our Dc behind my back

(84 Posts)
bongobaby Sun 01-Dec-13 11:21:00

I am beyond angry that exp ordered a DNA testing kit from the Internet on our then 7 year old and took a swab from his mouth.This was done on a contact visit and I have just found out what he had done, dc now is ten, im so upset and raging that he did this to dc.
I dread to think what my dc was thinking "why is daddy doing this".
His then girlfriend at the time was putting doubts into his head that dc looked nothing like him and that's why he did it. Surely this is not right behind my back.

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot Sun 01-Dec-13 20:43:38

I wasn't saying he thought it was ok to do. It's pretty obvious that he was well aware telling the OP he wanted a DNA test would go down terribly. Who knows why he did it.

But I am still shocked if the company would have allowed a test to be done without actual proof of PR by way of a birth certificate or PR order/agreement. Any man could claim to have PR of a child when they do not. The company shouldn't take someone's word for it.

If a law has been broken, the company are just as much to blame.

Millenniumbug1 Sun 01-Dec-13 21:12:48

Report him to the authorities for refusing to support his child, then pour yourself a congratulatory glass of wine for dumping this low-life. Well done!

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 01-Dec-13 22:47:07

As I very clearly said in a previous post both have broken the law him by taking the swab and sending it in and the company by performing the test.

He is more culpable because he would have also fraudulently filled out the form stating he had the legal right to do it.

And a birth certificate of a child born when the op's child was even if dad is named on it is not evidence of pr as prior to 1/12/03 you could not gain pr by being named on one. You had to either be married or have a court order or a form signed by the mother. After then they just added being named on the bc as an additional way to obtain it.

What he did was an actual crime 2 crimes if he signed the declaration,it was not a crime that was committed to save a life he just did it to throw it on he gf's face when they had a row on what planet could that ever be a reasonable thing.

bongobaby Sun 01-Dec-13 23:28:23

They were both in the wrong and unreasonable to of done this. It's as if ds got caught up in the middle of their shitty row and games with each other. It's the deceit aswell. I have no respect for him, it's been a shit time finding out he had beat her up and now I found out he has done this.

sashh Mon 02-Dec-13 06:00:40

We are both scared of him and I guess we could relate to each other because he is very controlling.It's been very disturbing hearing a lot of things from her that took place in their relationship and how he treated ds.

OP please run a mile from this woman.

How can you trust anything she says if she used to tell your ex he wasn't the father?

And ask exp about the DNA test. If they were arguing maybe, just maybe it was a "Well I'll bloody prove to you he IS mine". Still not good but not as bad.

Seff Mon 02-Dec-13 10:41:40

Has he admitted doing the test? Or do you only have the gfs word for it? Just wondering if she's trying to stir the pot a bit.

perfectstorm Mon 02-Dec-13 11:24:08

Thanks Sock, that's really enlightening. Difference between theory and intent of legislators and actual practice. (Hope it's okay to pick brains in this way, it's just that this stuff interests me so much.)

OP, bear in mind that it may not be true. She sounds incredibly manipulative, and while she is indeed a victim of his behaviour every bit as much as you of not more, anyone can be a victim of an abuser; doesn't mean they're a nice person. You also don't know how much resentment she may have had and may still have towards you and your DS.

If he's done this then Sock's absolutely right and it's a particularly nasty breach of DS' rights as well as yours, as well as illegal - and that's without the fraud of lying on the application. But you can't prove he's done it, and you can't change the past, so justified as the anger is on that basis - that you supported contact to an abusive ex who never paid a penny for that child, and possibly repaid that responsible and loving parenting on your side with this crap - by getting distressed you're allowing the two of them to hurt you. Neither sounds worth the steam of your pee, to be blunt about it. I know it's a million times easier said than done, but I'd let this go - apart from anything else, I'm sure he was certain DS was his anyway and just wanted to be able to shove the piece of paper proving it in her face, so he could win that argument. It's about the dynamic between them, from the sounds of it, and not any genuine mistrust of you.

bongobaby Mon 02-Dec-13 18:27:25

Perfect the ex gf is becoming really clingy to me.Always wants me and her to go out together.but if we do she comes out with new revelations. She hasn't got any friends in this area. I now know to stay clear of the both of them. Part of me wants to believe she is lying but unfortunately knowing how my ex behaves I am mostly inclined to believe her. feel like punching her lights out to be honest. I appreciate your last post and have taken it on board.

bongobaby Mon 02-Dec-13 18:34:36

Sassh yes that is good advice to run from her and I'm going to. If anything she has f ing pissed me off the most in this. Especially how she still keeps saying that my ds means the world to her and that she loved him like her own. Haven't asked him if he did as now I can see that I will be getting caught up in their games.

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