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about DP's antics

(52 Posts)
MarkLamarrsQuiff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:05:21

While DP was at the supermarket just now I went upstairs to use the computer and found a spunk covered t-shirt beside the keyboard hmmangry.

He had a wank earlier this morning while DD and I were downstairs 1000 x hmm angry.

I'm 5 weeks pregnant and we haven't had sex in a while as I'm feeling sick, knackered and frankly not in the mood.

I'm furious and tore into him about being an inconsiderate wanker (literally and figuratively).

He's sorry but thinks I'm over-reacting.

We're going away tonight for a meal and a stay in a nice B+B and I'm fucked off that he's done this and now I'm in a mood.

AIBU?

MarkLamarrsQuiff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:09:37

Anyone?

KeepingUpWithTheJonses Sat 30-Nov-13 13:11:39

It depends on why you're upset.

Upset that he had a wank = yabu.

Upset about not rinsing out his own spunk covered t shirt = yanbu.

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Nov-13 13:12:47

I would be angry about the t-shirt.

However, isn't five weeks pregnant only one week late? You must have had sex three weeks ago!

I think you're over reacting to him dealing with his sexual frustration on his own - I think everyone has the right to do what they want to their own body. About the t-shirt - no, you're not being unreasonable - he's an animal!

MarkLamarrsQuiff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:13:33

I'm not upset about him wanking.

I'm upset about him doing it while DD and I are downstairs. Presumably he was watching porn on the PC and the possibility of DD walking in on that is not on at all.

And I'm bloody fuming at him leaving the tshirt beside the keyboard for me or DD to find.

oldgrandmama Sat 30-Nov-13 13:14:14

Agree with KeepingUpWithTheJonses.

Only1scoop Sat 30-Nov-13 13:14:35

Ughhh....does he not know how to use the washer....what are you most upset about?

He thinks it's acceptable to leave sperm covered clothing lying around?

That's disgusting.

I can't comment on the masturbation issue because I don't personally feel that masturbating is in itself a problem. If it is related to porn, or being done while refusing to be intimate with your partner, then those are issues, and certainly leaving your bodily fluids on clothing for someone else to clear up is totally disrespectful, but a person choosing to privately relieve themselves because their partner does not currently want to have sex is a logical way to deal with it. Better to understand that your partner isn't feeling like it an just sort yourself out than sit there sulking or pressuring someone.

But I say again - covering clothing with your sperm and leaving it lying around - MINGING!

Rub his nose in it.

Literally.

MarkLamarrsQuiff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:16:18

Imperial - I left out a 1.

15 weeks pregnant.

And as I've said, I have no problem with him having a tug. In private.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses Sat 30-Nov-13 13:16:32

Yabu on the second point.

I would take a bet that you had sex yourself about...oh...3 weeks ago, with your dd in the next (or close) bedroom?

Double standards. Why does it matter that you were downstairs with dd?

Only1scoop Sat 30-Nov-13 13:17:23

Op....I see your point I wouldn't be happy about his lack of discretion and as for the t-shirt I'd just bin it.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses Sat 30-Nov-13 13:18:10

He WAS in private though.

Unless you could hear him moaning, or the ceiling fan was shaking with the movement of his arm, I really don't see the issue.

skittycat Sat 30-Nov-13 13:20:49

YABU. He was upstairs doing it in private (which you obviously didn't notice so evidentially wasn't being loud about or anything)

The only thing he should have done is dealt with the tshirt.

JumpingJackSprat Sat 30-Nov-13 13:22:19

God that's disgusting. I think I would actually want to be sick if I found that. What if your child has found it? There's a time and place for sexual gratification that's not it! !

peanutbutterandbanana Sat 30-Nov-13 13:22:44

Hello! Are you cross that he may have been looking at pictures on the internet? Or are you cross that he pleasured himself without you? In both cases I can understand why you are cross, but there are two different issues here. I guess I'm a bit older than you and I once searched my DH's history and found that he had been watching some porn. I was very cross and then very sarcastic. However..... in my older age I realise that watching porn does not mean that you don't fancy the person you married or chose to have children with. I don't like it, but I think that men do it. Period. They cannot see anything wrong with it.

I'm guessing that you are in a very hormonal state and this must be the last straw. However, my advice to you is that your partnership is something incredibly important and valuable and I would suggest that you might see this in a different light if you give it some distance. I have learnt that it is always best to wait 24 hours so that I myself have calmed down over whatever it is that has pissed me off and then I ask to have a conversation about it. In a reasonable and non-sarcastic or angry tone. Bloody difficult, but ultimately better than a full-blown row. You do need to work out what you want to achieve from any 'discussion' or 'row' or 'altercation'. If it is to make you feel good and him feel punished then that is a negative thought. If you want to a) understand why he did it, b) explain how you feel and why it upsets you and c) ensure it doesn't happen again then you need to take a very different approach.

I'm guessing DP will now be feeling guilty or bad, but also defensive. In the male psyche he has done nothing wrong. They do think differently to us. Please go and take several deep breaths, go and give him a hug and ask him if you can talk about this later, not at meal out, but perhaps when you are snuggled up in bed much later. Just ask him to explain why he did it and then tell him how it made you feel and ask him if he could please not do it so obviously in future (or at all if you really do not like it). He obviously needed some attention this morning and you were not available. Don't be too hard on him. He is, after all, only a man!!!

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Nov-13 13:29:04

<Waits for the full weight of MN to come crashing down on peanutbutter!>

Fairenuff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:29:11

Was he looking at porn? Have you asked him.

I would not have a problem with him wanking.

I would have a problem with him looking at porn.

I would have a problem with him not clearing up after himself.

In the male psyche he has done nothing wrong. They do think differently to us.

Maybe the males that you know peanut but my dh and I think the same about wanking and porn, so perhaps you should amend your sweeping statement hmm

MarkLamarrsQuiff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:34:17

Right. For clarification as people don't seem to be bothering to read my replies hmm.

I have no problem with DP having an occasional wank. Especially if it means I can have a brew and watch Masterchef instead of having sex wink.

I do not like porn but do not feel strongly enough about him using it occasionally to end my relationship. I know he uses it to wank.

I don't feel it was an appropriate time or location to have a wank.

I think he could have used some self control and done it at a different time or in the bathroom where no-one would interrupt him.

I am angry that he left a sticky spunk covered t-shirt right where he finished. He was thoughtless and downright stupid.

Cluffyflump Sat 30-Nov-13 13:35:28

He is after all, only a man!!
Fuck me sideways with brass nobs on.

That is all.

MarkLamarrsQuiff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:36:33

peanut I don't know where to start with your post.

Jaysus wept.

Cluffyflump Sat 30-Nov-13 13:39:38

Thoughtless and stupid.
YANBU.

tweetytwat Sat 30-Nov-13 13:40:42

I'm buying peanut a calendar for Christmas. As they seem to think it's still the fiftieshmm

Hawkmoth Sat 30-Nov-13 13:41:31

Peanut that is just classic. Well done. You must have been waiting weeks for the perfect thread.

Hawkmoth Sat 30-Nov-13 13:44:22

But OP, agree.
1) not the time or place
2) disgusting, scruffy and entitled
3) almost as if he's not even going to try for your trip away

Selfish idiot.

Fairenuff Sat 30-Nov-13 13:47:05

Ok, so you only have a problem with the time, location and t-shirt.

In that case I do think you are being ott.

Just tell him to make sure he cleans up after himself and locks himself in the bathroom next time.

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