To find it a bit odd that DP's ex still wears her wedding ring?

(119 Posts)
purpleroses Sat 30-Nov-13 08:02:55

That's it really. They've been divorced over 4 years and she lives with new DP too. Seems rather strange to me confused

MadeOfStarDust Sat 30-Nov-13 08:47:28

my mum is religious... she wears her wedding ring 40 years after her divorce because

she "wants God to know she did no wrong, that she is married in his eyes and will be spending all eternity in heaven with my dad - if he gets there"

Should heaven exist, one of them is in for a shock.... shock

Monetbyhimself Sat 30-Nov-13 08:48:24

A piece of old jewellery shouldn't make you feel insecure unless there are other concerns you have sbout the relationship that still exists between them ?

Nomorepat Sat 30-Nov-13 08:50:11

Presumably she didn't instigate the divorce then MadeOfStarDust, I suppose I could understand it if people wished to remain married but the other person didn't, but not in the OP's situation.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Sat 30-Nov-13 08:50:17

She hasn't said she feels insecure. She feels the woman is being odd. I concur.

perfectstorm Sat 30-Nov-13 08:50:52

I'd find that odd as well. The name, as you say yourself, makes perfect sense because it's a link to her children. The ring is just a little odd, especially in this day and age when half of all marriages end in divorce and almost half of all babies don't have married parents either.

Is it an exceptionally pretty ring? Mine is plain gold so would make less sense than a diamond sparkly one!

NightCircus Sat 30-Nov-13 08:56:26

Mine was £500. I was offered between £35 and £60 for it as 2nd hand 18ct gold at a range of places.
I liked it as a piece of jewellery so decided to keep it as a piece of jewellery. I wear it on the other hand.

No emotional attachment.

My new wedding ring (platinum this time!) is on my wedding finger. DH doesn't mind at all as knows it wasn't worth selling so a pragmatic decision.
I could have given away/kept in box but its pretty.

I'd keep name too if DC had it.

NightCircus Sat 30-Nov-13 08:57:04

Mine does have diamonds though

AliceinWinterWonderland Sat 30-Nov-13 08:58:01

I don't see why it even matters. You have no say in what she wears. I'm still trying to figure out why you'd even notice or ask your DP if it was the ring he gave her.

As I've already said - I don't have a problem with the surname thing. Just the ring wearing

How very gracious of you. hmm I would say you're the one with the problem here. You're far too concerned over what she is wearing. Why do you even care?

MammaTJ Sat 30-Nov-13 09:01:51

I agree it is very odd. The name thing is normal, I still have my exH surname.

I did not continue to wear the wedding ring though.

drbonnieblossman Sat 30-Nov-13 09:08:08

nothing odd about it.

not everyone wants to wipe out the past when they divorce. some people want to acknowledge the life they had, even though all parties have moved forward.

I wear my rings after ten years, and am not divorced yet. No-one has an issue or feels jealous or insecure about it.

It''s up to her, OP. her ring, her finger.

teacherandguideleader Sat 30-Nov-13 09:15:23

My mum and dad separated almost 30 years ago. Mum still has Dad's surname as she wanted the same as me. She also really likes the ring so still wears it. She can't stand my father - although she is glad that the marriage happened as she got a child out of it.

Nomorepat Sat 30-Nov-13 09:16:48

but surely a wedding ring is about the life you're having not had (different with widowhood, I know) and if you're divorced you're not having that old life anymore?

A ring is a symbol of a marriage, once that marriage has gone, why the need of the symbol?

I wouldn't just shrug it off: as others have pointed out: it could very well indicate that the ex still has hankerings for her ex-husband.

Although I will say that if there is another explanation which I think not that likely like the ex just likes it as a piece of jewellery the OP will just have to accept it and move on.

NightCircus Sat 30-Nov-13 09:21:06

Oh and I did joke that it was one of the only good things to come from my marriage so why get rid of that too!

Damnautocorrect Sat 30-Nov-13 09:23:43

Maybe she likes the ring

ZillionChocolate Sat 30-Nov-13 09:26:03

I think it's a bit odd, but clearly this thread shows it's not that uncommon. Doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. Maybe get DP to change his surname to yours instead wink

Monetbyhimself Sat 30-Nov-13 09:36:47

And if OP is secure in her relationship then the hankerings of her partners Ex wife shouldn't be an issue.
I still wear my eternity ring because it represents our children. I would rather hack my own arm off with a fork than reconcile with my estranged husband. However I have been instructed by OW to remove my ring hmm (I graciously declined grin )

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Sat 30-Nov-13 09:40:36

My mum is still Mrs married name, she doesnt wear the rings though, she wears the jewellery her DP has given her.

weasle Sat 30-Nov-13 10:37:06

What noArmani said.

gobbynorthernbird Sat 30-Nov-13 10:46:22

Maybe she's just really used to wearing it. My hand feels funny if I take mine off for longer than it takes to apply hand cream.

mumandboys123 Sat 30-Nov-13 10:49:23

my ex left me over 5 years ago for another woman. He doesn't wear his wedding ring but he does wear a silver ring I bought him when we first got together still. He has lived with a number of women since and it has never been removed. I assume he likes it rather than attaches some kind of emotional connection with me to it. Who knows? I certainly don't care!

Xavielli Sat 30-Nov-13 10:55:08

My DP still wears his wedding ring (although not on his ring finger) 5 years after divorcing his ex wife. Yes it used to really bother me so he took it off and asked if I could buy him the same ring for Xmas that year (solid gold replica of the one ring from lord of the rings) - once I saw that a) it really was the ring he liked and b) it was going to cost me the best part of £500 to get him another, the whole thing stopped bothering me.

His ex wife has been remarried 3 years (about 2 weeks before we had our first child together) and we are on dc3. I'm fairly certain they're over each other

gobbin Sat 30-Nov-13 11:01:22

It's her hand, her ring, her choice. I don't understand why you're wasting brain space over this. Taking the emotional attachment aside, it's just a piece of metal.

DoingItForMyself Sat 30-Nov-13 11:06:44

Maybe it won't come off easily or she doesn't want that shrivelled white band you get under it that take months to go.

I used to twiddle mine as a distraction and now find myself still rubbing my bare finger with my thumb sometimes.

It could be something as simple as that, or it could be that she just sees it as part of her, like wearing a certain pair or earrings ever day, rather than a sentimental item.

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout Sat 30-Nov-13 11:09:13

Not sure about the ring but I have a friend who still has the name of an ex tattooed just inside her knicker line at the front! shock

Lovely reminder for her current husband whenever he goes down there I'm sure....

olidusUrsus Sat 30-Nov-13 11:13:17

It's not really any of your business. I can't see why you're so fixated over what jewellery you DP's ex chooses to wear.

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