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To feel sad that no one wants to make Christmas magical and special for me?

(130 Posts)
ShawnSpencer Fri 29-Nov-13 19:27:32

My parents (who are divorced) spend Christmas at the homes of diff step siblings neither ones will/can invite us over as not enough space. So Xmas day is just us (unfortunately in laws not around any more). So therefore I do all Xmas food etc and create magic and fun for the kids.

My presents this year (yes I know exactly what I am getting this makes me sad no surprise little treats nothing over festive period) are:
Mum - a coat she bought in the sale for her that doesn't fit"so I may as we'll have it"
Dad - a pair of Welles after I commented last week that I was going out to buy a pair and dad said I will buy you those I will give you the cash for them saves me getting you anything
Husband - today we bought an £11 knife block, £4 frying pan and a .40p serving spoon as we need them and husband says great that's you sorted for Xmas I will put them away and give them to you on Xmas day.

No one else buys me gifts as they buy for the children (absolutely fine with this but know it means I won't get anything else).

Husband can't understand why I'm upset - if we needed the 3 items he's giving me a couple of weeks ago they would have just been bought.

He told me to go and buy my own presents if I was bothered but that's completely missing why I am upset.

AIBU?

Sparklymommy Fri 29-Nov-13 19:32:29

Have to say I think you are being unreasonable. I'm sorry but your a grown up, with children of your own. I don't really mind if I don't get a present so long as the children are believing in the magic of Christmas.

And I love Christmas! I make it special for everyone else and in turn that makes me happy, seeing their smiley faces. My hubby is rubbish at buying presents. He used to give the money to my mum and tell her to get me what I wanted. 11 years ago she told him that was an engagement ring and he said fine, get one! Not the most romantic proposal!

polgar Fri 29-Nov-13 19:34:17

You should hide the knives, pan and spoon and give them to him for Xmas.

sandfrog Fri 29-Nov-13 19:34:35

YANBU. Christmas is about making an effort for those you care about, whatever their age.

Yabu. Sort of. But I understand. You are an adult now, and it is your job to make Christmas special for your children.

Every year I buy all the Christmas presents from my dad to everybody (including his nursing team), and I transport them on two flights to beyond the friggin arctic circle. We have 3 days. I do all the Christmas shopping, at my dads house, and I clean the the house and "make Christmas". Then my sister arrives, and we decorate the house, and the tree. We do this for the sake of our elderly parents, and our children.

We cook like heroes, so we can take my mum home from her care home, this makes her, and my dad happy. My dad has been in a wheelchair after a stroke 10 years ago, and until my mum developed Alzheimer, she was his carer. He now lives alone, and lives for Christmas, because then he gets all his family with him, for a few weeks. And he gets his beloved wife home for two days.

Do you think I enjoy Christmas?

Do you think there is anybody who think about MY enjoyment, make Christmas magical for me?

I will get a present from my sister. It is usually a book, and I will enjoy that. My cousin will give me something equally thoughtful. My dad will give me £50 in an envelope. My kids will give me something they make last moment, when on Christmas morning it dawn on them that they have forgotten about mum. My husband and I have decided we cannot afford to buy eachother presents.

It is life. You will just have to deal with it as best as you can.

moogalicious Fri 29-Nov-13 19:36:51

YANBU. Those presents are shite. I also get fed up with no one putting any thought into my presents - I put a lot of thought into DH presents over the last couple of years and I get asked, so what do you want. I want you to think about what I would like for once!!

NewtRipley Fri 29-Nov-13 19:38:28

I think Yanbu. It sounds like it might be the thin end of a wedge of feeling unappreciated. Everyone needs someone to be thinking about them a bit. Not just at Christmas, but Christmas can come to represent the rest of the year.

moogalicious Fri 29-Nov-13 19:38:38

You are an adult now, and it is your job to make Christmas special for your children yes, but it's still nice to get a little surprise!

Mymumsfurcoat Fri 29-Nov-13 19:38:57

YANBU. That is really off of your DH, everyone deserves a Christmas present.

Financeprincess Fri 29-Nov-13 19:40:04

If you are narked with anybody, it should be your husband! I'm with polgar. Give him the sodding pan.

IslaValargeone Fri 29-Nov-13 19:40:17

I think Christmas should be for everybody.

Sparklymommy Fri 29-Nov-13 19:41:23

I do understand though op. my mum bought me scarf a couple of years ago, then decided she liked it a lot and kept it for herself!

She also made me a handbag about four years ago and his it so well that she forgot where she'd put it! She found it a couple of months back and handed it to me with a very sheepish grin!

moogalicious Fri 29-Nov-13 19:42:04

And why is it down to you to make Christmas special for everyone? Doesn't your DH play any part in this hmm

WhoNickedMyName Fri 29-Nov-13 19:42:10

If my DH considered a knife block and a frying pan were my Christmas present I'd be using them to chop and fry up his bollocks and serving them to him for Christmas dinner.

YANBU.

Wrap up some tins of soup and give them to your husband for Christmas. That'll learn him.

Damnautocorrect Fri 29-Nov-13 19:44:35

I'm with you, it makes it blooming miserable. It is lovely doing stuff for the little people to keep the magic and excitement. A lot of the silly stuff I get for oh as well as ds so they have stockings, advent calendars the lot. It would be lovely if someone put even a tenth of the effort for me rather than see it as a pain.
Even if it's just in gratitude for making Christmas for the kids.

YANBU to expect Dh to get you a decent present ( doesn't have to cost much but bloody hell - pans which you needed anyway and are just fecking essential cooking utensils!!!).

YABU to expect him to just "guess" what you want. Most men just can't do that. Write him a little list and tell him to pick one off it.

Bogeyface Fri 29-Nov-13 19:47:42

Its not about the gifts themselves is it? Its about knowing that someone cares about you and has thought about you.

I would be fucking fuming with your DH and would spell it out in no uncertain terms.

sandfrog Fri 29-Nov-13 19:48:26

Agree with Isla Christmas should be for everyone. Obviously it's important to make it special for children, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore everyone else. The OP is going to be making Christmas special for her own family, but that doesn't mean others can't do something for her.

moogalicious Fri 29-Nov-13 19:48:40

curly of course men can do that!

ShawnSpencer Fri 29-Nov-13 19:50:21

Quint - you are a saint, and that's v sad that you don't get any recognition for that either.

No DH thinks Christmas Day is just for watching movies - but the kids want toys built games played dinner to eat I either spend day nagging husband or just get on and do it.

NewtRipley Fri 29-Nov-13 19:50:30

Christams is for families. I agree Isla

runningonwillpower Fri 29-Nov-13 19:51:46

A knife block, frying pan and serving spoon for Christmas presents?

That's beyond shite.

My husband is not a hearts and flowers bloke. I have yet to receive a Valentine gift. But Christmas?

Just tell him. Once and for all. He doesn't need to understand, he just needs to accept. Like my husband doesn't understand why women like jewellery, he's just learned to accept that they do.

You're making a huge effort on everyone else's behalf for Christmas. He just needs to know that a little bit of effort for you will go a long way.

Tell him straight. Failing that buy him a screwdriver set for Christmas.

Gossipmonster Fri 29-Nov-13 19:53:17

Seriously? Your OH needs a kick up the bum - so what if you are an adult everyone should be able to indulge their inner child once in a while and if that's not at Xmas then when?!

sandfrog Fri 29-Nov-13 19:53:58

It's for families and indeed it's also for those with no family.

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