To not let my DD go to a 'Pamper' party at the age of 6?(220 Posts)
As the title reads...DD had been invited to pamper party for one of her peers which involves make up and hairdoes. She's 6. Call me old fashioned but 6 year olds in make up and coiffured?
Wow! Good to see strong opinions, but there's strong and there's STRONG!
IMO I'd check with the Mum that is organizing the party to see who it is being run by and what "pampering" is involved. There is absolutely no harm in letting DD go to the party and having a bit of sparkle and nail painting.
I personally see no problem in boys attending either as, as a number of you have already pointed out, boys too sometimes enjoy playing with Mums makeup and dressing up. I see no harm in this and do not subscribe to the idea that this would impact their "maleness" in any way.
I'm a happily married crossdresser and never attended any "makeover parties" as a child. Neither was I exposed to any other feminine influences. I played male stereotypical games and with male toys, but always liked the more feminine things that my sister had.
I honestly don't think that a "makeover party" will influence DD in any way other than in her having fun. At the end of the day, we develop into our true selves.
One place I worked in was really strict with regards to what earrings you could wear, no deviation from the uniform, I still remember the posters in the staff room illustrating exactly how you were supposed to look. No extreme hair colours or make up. It had to be subtle and suitable
whatever that was
I wouldn't had minded but you shoulda seen the customers.
Tbh I'm the kind of person who never looks smart. Not for want of trying just honestly nothing looks right on me ever. And as for hair and make up I've never mastered that either. I wear very little. I look like shit without it though. That's not what some guy told me my partner wouldn't even notice of I wore it or not. But I'm pale and my skin isn't great and I really look dead without make up. I'd never get a job on a make up counter. Not unless it was zombie make up I was selling.
Even when given uniforms the same as every one else I have still been told in jobs that my appearance is not suitable. If I've taken my earrings out, I'm wearing what everyone else is, I'm at a loss as to what it could be aside from my hair which was always tied back if a little frizzy despite serums etc and my make up which was much less obvious than others and almost unnoticeable.
The job I have now I doubt anyone would notice luckily.
I have absolutely no idea why anyone would object/care.
I had one for my dds when they were 6 and 7 and they had glitter and assorted crap in hair, rainbow face paints and ringlets.
they then jumped in the trampoline and generally played in the garden and got messy.
good time had by all and now at teen age they dint yearn to be wags or suffered any long term psychological problems from the party. it's just fun.
Yeah, I was wondering what industry too - I can't imagine it ever being an issue at interview, for me or anybody else, in any of the places I've worked.
I should add that I've been the senior management doing the hiring and firing. And not once have I ever heard anyone's make-up or lack thereof mentioned.
I did once sit on a panel with two dudes, one of whom asked a single mother about her childcare arrangements. Given a break in the proceedings, the other dude tore tore the idiot a new one.
Senior managers commenting on make-up? Where in the heck do you work that this even features on the essential requirements list? Or even desirable? The cosmetics counter at john Lewis??
Giles - must be the culture in the environment you work in - I never wear make-up to work, nor to interviews. I do manage to brush my hair and dress formally. I don't think I'd want to work somewhere where my appearance was picked apart, so it's a good job you are prepared to dolly up and put up with the gender discrimination. Without you being prepared to kow tow to this stuff they might be forced to change
So you decide whether it's a good thing or not... I know what I think. Nicely made up? I don't think I've bothered in all my 42 years, and I won't be teaching my daughters that this is an essential skill either. I do let them go to pamper parties though . I am interested in make up as an art. It's very interesting. As a habit and a necessity? Not so much.
Its your call but it wouldn't be an issue for me and I would not single dd out to miss out on a party with her friends.
My dds are 12 and 15 - they've always played about with makeup. Dd1 wears it now regularly, applies it beautifully and is not at all ott with it.
Its never been a big deal to either them or me. They have many many other activities going on in their lives and aren't overly obsessed about appearance. I think banning things can turn them into forbidden fruit.
I personally dont give a crap but I don't do the hiring or firing or anything important. Just had my appearance picked apart.
Then you obviously have something amazing that a lot of us don't. Because even in what are probably the lamest of jobs I've had, I've heard it mentioned after interviews when senior staff have been discussing which candidate to choose that even small things like too much make up or not enough attention to hair and make up has been part of a larger picture of how that person came across.
Oh, and not wearing makeup means I don't care about my appearance now?
Ummm, no, actually, I don't see it as necessary.
But thanks for the judging
Strange. I've been to job interviews without a shred of makeup. And I got the job (on three separate occasions, thanks).
Because I was the best person for the job. Makeup had nothing to do with it.
It is also expected that a man turns up clean shaven or with a neatly trimmed beard and groomed hair. It's not about a sexist divide. It's about seeing that if people don't care about their appearance what else don't they care about.
But lego in many jobs it is expected that a woman is well groomed and nicely made up. With all the will in the world turning up to a job interview without a shred of make up will not be the look that they are after.
But what is the difference between painting your nails and painting your face? It seems a false distinction to me. Please explain why one is OK but the other isn't?
so what your teaching your child is once your married dont bother with you appearance?
Love this. What a statement out of the 1950s! Make yourself look pretty for your husband dear, he's had a hard day at the office and needs to be look after when he gets home!
What I'm teaching my children is that you end up with the best people by being kind and interesting and smart and funny, not because of how you look.
There a confusion in this thread, as posters are talking about 2 different things.
a pamper party could just mean hair and nails, and mostly does. Obviously nothing wrong with that, and if you think there is, then frankly you have issues.
The posters getting their knickers in a twist are imagining fake tan and full on make up. I don't think that's what a pamper party for a 6 yr old entails.
Nope. I'd hazard a guess that she can't even remember it because it meant so little - it was just part of a perfectly normal rounded childhood.
All this hysteria (and yes I am aware of the etymology of the word and it's connotations) - anyone would think you were all scared of your dd's liking it! Rest assured, it will be just one of a myriad of opportunities, and will mean literally zilch in a few year's time. You really won't be able to tell a child who has been so dreadfully brainwashed by a pamper party at six, to one who has never been to a pamper party in their life. Honestly.
And it is worth saying that I quite like these tales of bored girls getting fed up in the line. It's a grand way of reinforcing that make up is boring and not worth the effort . It's very similar to how it works for dd1 with her dance - the whole farce that is stage make-up means that she never ever wears so much as a dab when she's not on stage...
A perfect way to illustrate gender performance. And at 6! Lucky lucky girls being invited to discover Judith butler so early! What an amazing opportunity for all the feminist mummies! And what a shame that none of them are embracing it, and are resorting to banning and secrecy.
I'm pretty right on. I'm a paid up member of the Fawcett Society. Dd has been to a pamper party. I relish the opportunity to discuss this stuff with her. Stop hiding, people, honestly. You can't protect your children from the ills of society, you just have to talk them through it. It's far more beneficial and puts the kids in a much better place. For real.
I'd let her go. That is my personal choice, but then again I have a son, not a daughter, so what do I know?
Seriously though, I wouldn't let a 6 year old put on make up every morning to go out in, but for a one off party, I think it's a nice idea. I wear a lot of make up myself though, straighten my hair, have false nails etc so I suppose I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I said no.
Sounds like a lot of fun. Just as much as a trampolining or art party might be.
I'd let my DD go. She'd have a fabulous time. If I didn't let her go, no doubt she'd hear all about it from the children at school and wonder why she wasn't there, thus making it into an issue.
Make up and 'pampering' is part of modern culture. Learning to enjoy it without relying on it for one's sense of self is perfectly possible.
Harmful??? My 2 year loves nothing more than playing dress up with mummy's clothes or her fancy dress. It's fucking normal!
gender neutral activities what are they
I agree with everything *giles said ^ ^ thread a bit this is about the dd and her friends party and you know what your dd might like a bit of glitter and nail polish , it is a girly party . fwiw i have 2 older girls dd1 would have rather chewed her arm off rather go to a pamper party the other would be tearing down the door, both now wear make up on occasion d2 more and yes she does like a bit of sparkle but she also likes Doctor who sci fi and hangs about withboys as friends, the other is doing a male orientated degree, I think it is all about balance being a girl who likes a bit of glitter and whatnot does not make her a lesser female
The idea of a pamper party for 6 year olds makes me sad I can't help but think of those child beauty pageants. I know it won't be as extreme, but it makes me uneasy all the same. It may be a bit of glitter/nail polish to some people, but Heartbrokenmum73 makes a good point - where are the parties for the boys to make themselves look better? It's likely that girls will spend years dipping in and out of various beauty measures - whether that's make-up, tanning, shaving, plucking, dying or whatever. I just don't see the need to encourage/facilitate that at such a young age.
another killjoy here
look i'm leaving now.
that last comment was a bit out of order. Im very glad you have such a loving husband because mine didnt turn out that way. Teaching your daughter yo be loved & respected is the most important thing & makeup doesnt play a part in that. So well done in being a fantastic role model
sorry if my words have it a nerve with anyone. have a nice saturday.
DD went to something like this at a friends house. She was about 9. She was told they'd all get their hair plaited (great, because I'm fucking awful at that!), get their nails painted. She came back and told me how bored she was. Sitting about waiting for everyone else to get done. She didn't get her hair done because there wasn't enough time to do everyone. She was not impressed. And she's a very girly girl, despite me dressing her in dungarees from birth - because they were practical and warmer than dresses/skirts, before anyone jumps in.
Myself, I've never gone in for make-up (rarely wear it, most of what I have actually needs binning now because I don't use it, have no idea how to apply it properly), don't do much with my hair, and wear practical, seasonal clothing for warmth and comfort more than anything else. Heels are hell and rarely see the light of day. Does any of this make me any less of a woman? I don't think so. I also find the idea of a pamper party incredibly dull - I'd much rather watch a good film, read a book, have something lovely to eat.
DD is 12 next week. She has no time for the likes of Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, Katy Perry, etc. She thinks their idiots, bad role models for young girls, all about showing off their bodies. She idolises Kate Bush and David Bowie (and Niall from 1D!) and knows that her brains are more important than her looks.
She's stunningly beautiful (to me, anyway) exactly as she is. She doesn't need makeup to be pretty. And that's my concern with these pamper parties, the whole 'don't you look pretty now!' message given off. Erm, yeah, but they were pretty without eyeshadow, glitter, lipgloss, thanks. Little girls have natural beauty - it doesn't need enhancing.
Who is telling boys that they need to enhance their appearance? Where are the parties for six year old boys where they make themselves look better?
Sorry for the essay.
so what your teaching your child is once your married dont bother with you appearance?
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