To not let my DD go to a 'Pamper' party at the age of 6?

(220 Posts)
Twang Sat 23-Nov-13 00:05:53

As the title reads...DD had been invited to pamper party for one of her peers which involves make up and hairdoes. She's 6. Call me old fashioned but 6 year olds in make up and coiffured?

silverten Sat 23-Nov-13 01:52:02

Odd choice of activity. Surely the point of a party is to do something fun?

I'm on board with the idea that taking a bit of an interest in your appearance is reasonable. I accept that some occasions call for a special effort. I don't really view messing about with hair/makeup as much other than a bit of a chore though- even if you do do it with your friends to relieve the tedium and uncertainty about it.

Still, how bad is it going to be, really? I guess your DD is going to probably take away the impression that faffing about with glitter and hair is the sort of thing you might do on a special occasion- which isn't a totally mad idea. I bet there won't be any boys there though- which is where the dodgy angles start to creep in- why shouldn't boys take a bit of pride in their looks too? Why should it only be a 'Girly' thing?

Just a shame they aren't doing something a bit more 'fun' really- but maybe the birthday girl(?) thinks this is what constitutes fun? And it is her party.

FWIW I think six is rather young for makeup but might not make too much of a fuss for a one-off party. I suspect the attraction to them is more about going mad with the glitter than any 'lets attract some boys' type of thing.

SoonToBeSix Sat 23-Nov-13 02:10:33

Yabu it's glitter and nail varnish not fake tan and Botox .

AlfalfaMa Sat 23-Nov-13 02:23:50

My 6 year old dd went to one of these recently.
She wasn't very keen (she prefers running around wreaking havoc) and I wasn't keen on the concept either, but it was a joint party for two nice little friends and I thought in the interest of balance it wouldn't be so bad. I didnt go myself, but gather that all the girls decided they'd rather run around wreaking havoc and that's exactly what they did, only with lots of nail polish et cetera that they'd stolen from the young women trying to make them queue to get their hair curled and what not grin

squoosh Sat 23-Nov-13 02:42:01

YANBU and I don't mind being deemed a killjoy for saying that.

intitgrand Sat 23-Nov-13 03:07:30

i think its important for then to socialise with their little friends rather than being standoff ish and sneery. This is some kids birthday party how would you like it off all your daughters friends turned their nose up at her party ?

madwomanintheatt1c Sat 23-Nov-13 03:19:11

I'm not a fan, but essentially it's a dressing up party, not a 'this is how you wear make-up and we are brain Washing you so that you will do it forever and learn to be a laydeeeeeee' party.

I think dd went to one at 6 (7 years ago, really this stuff ain't new) at almost 14 she wears no make up (except for performing on stage) and lives in jeans and hoodies. She had a great time, and it was really very funny to see the results.

The pearl- clutching is frankly hilarious, especially from a bunch of women with heels, shaved legs and armpits, and probably a good drawer-full of slap. And if you are the sort of mother that doesn't wear any make up, shave your legs or armpits, and has never understood the concept of tidying your lady garden, then that's going to carry a lot more weight towards your child's upbringing than 2 hours with a tube of glitter and some nail polish, fuelled by cake. grin

madwomanintheatt1c Sat 23-Nov-13 03:23:05

(Oh, and Ds went to the same party. He was 4. Be warned, this year at 11 he wore red and white nail polish to celebrate canada day. Do you think it was That Party that made him catch the gay?)

Am faintly amused to see whether the idea of a Boy being there is now seen as a Good Thing. Clearly it was going to be earlier, with the (sniff, bet there will be no boys) routine. Fortunately Ds couldn't care less. He's spent all day watching My Little pony.

silverten Sat 23-Nov-13 03:38:05

I don't really understand your point about boys, madwoman. Wouldn't you think it a bit of a shame if your six year old's male friends were excluded from a party through a rather stereotypical set of reasons about the choice of activity, though?

I mean, six is a bit young to be picking up on these things, but this is exactly the sort of thing that some parents wouldn't want to send or invite boys to- which is a bit daft because as you say, it's more dressing up than anything else.

I have a friend with a son who is forbidden to play with dolls.

He's two. sad

madwomanintheatt1c Sat 23-Nov-13 03:43:14

That was my point - it was taken as a given that this was a girls only activity, so I was pointing out that wasn't necessarily the case. grin

silverten Sat 23-Nov-13 03:46:01

Yeah you're quite right it doesn't specifically say- but I'd put money on it, wouldn't you?

madwomanintheatt1c Sat 23-Nov-13 03:49:15

At six Ds used to dress up in his sister's black leotard and tights and pretend to be a cat. At seven he had his own leotard because of his ballet lessons.

You can't stop folk from preventing their own sons from attending parties that they deem girly, but there's nothing to stop boys from going if they are invited. A lot of these daft pamper places carry 'boy make-up' for boys who go. They can just get the same sparkles and nail polish as the girls, or get more of a face paint thing (which is effectively what the girls get - Spider-Man or mommy). Ds was more upset that the hair pieces wouldn't stay in as his (then) hair was too short. It isn't now.

Ds used to take the damned doll's pram everywhere when he was two. It took hours to get to the corner shop. If a set of parents are so stupid as to ban dolls, I suspect that it isn't going to make much difference whether their son gets invited to a pamper party or not...

silverten Sat 23-Nov-13 03:54:20

Ooh I didn't know pamper places did 'boy stuff' too. Somehow it seems a bit less dodgy knowing that.

I think my main objection to the whole idea would be the implied gender segregation at such a young age. But if the boys get a turn as well it somehow doesn't seem as bad.

madwomanintheatt1c Sat 23-Nov-13 03:55:56

X post. I dunno really - Ds has been invited to a few supposed 'girly' things - jewellery making and whatnot.

It isn't so strange when you get that the supposed gurus of these activities are all rich white men - jewellers, hairdressers, makeup artists, cosmetics giants....

That leads to a whole other discussion surrounding power and control, natch, but fashion is a man's game.

People do seem to get very polarised on this stuff!! And really, it's only as sinister as you let it become. Sure if you indoctrinate your kid that pamper = girly stuff! and not pamper = people having fun and dressing up! Then it all gets a bit grim.

At 6, I'd be FORCING the boys to wear sparkles grin

Joke. I wouldn't even be forcing the girls. At the party dd went to, one of the girls actually had a Jolly Roger drawn onto her face, and black nail polish (with glitter). There was a fair amount of pinkery, but none of it was essential - they were fairly good at not letting turn into indoctrination about what you Should Do.

silverten Sat 23-Nov-13 03:59:58

Sure if you indoctrinate your kid that pamper = girly stuff! and not pamper = people having fun and dressing up! Then it all gets a bit grim

And there I think you have the crux of it.

madwomanintheatt1c Sat 23-Nov-13 04:00:28

(And I do see the difference between being in control of telling women what to do/ wear/ be/ look like and having to conform yourself)

I'm betting there are good and bad purveyors of this stuff, too. The ones we have experienced have been heavy on the sparkles and glitz, but have other options for kids not into that (including boys). I'm betting there are mothers who dictate the full-on princess experience as well, and banish all boys, but it's more of a choice - I'm sure you get whatever you pay for!!!

Fortunately mine just want to go snow-tubing now ;-)

silverten Sat 23-Nov-13 04:00:48

....must try to sleep again now....

sleepywombat Sat 23-Nov-13 04:32:20

I bet boys won't be invited. They aren't here to that sort of party (& there are many of them).

Made me so sad today, 3.5 yo ds & I saw two little girls with ponytails & lots of coloured ribbons streaming down from them. Ds asked 'will you put ribbons in my hair, Mummy?'. I said 'yes', but know I would only do it at home in private & have to take them away from him. Live in a very 'pink & shopping for girls', 'rough & tumble for boys' working class area. I'm v hormonal, pregnant with ds3 & afraid I burst into tears.

Eastpoint Sat 23-Nov-13 05:28:24

sleepywombat how sad for you.

I would let her go, it's only a couple of hours. Usually they end up a bit bored as they have to wait their turn, there's always a bottle neck. It's a bit dull really isn't it, sitting being poked at by strangers & having to sit & have your hair brushed. Just make sure her next party is something fun, laserquest, swimming, a picnic in the woods.

wigglesrock Sat 23-Nov-13 06:52:15

Does your daughter want to go?

It's a hair crimp, some nail varnish and a sparkly transfer. Well that's what happened at the one my daughter went to. All things I'd let her do at home <shrug>. I've 3 daughters, it honestly doesn't bother me if they want to paint their nails or play "hairdressers". They are copying the extremely positive females in their lives.

Doodledumdums Sat 23-Nov-13 07:25:49

YABU, I say let her go!

It is a one off, generally girls enjoy things like that! I know that is gender stereotyping, but how can that be avoided really? Girls and boys are different, it is fact, and as such enjoy different things a lot of the time.

She's not likely to come home and demand the entire maybelline collection for Christmas, or refuse to leave the house unless her hair has been perfectly blow dried! It is just a bit of fun, and you can remove the make up when you get home.

rabbitlady Sat 23-Nov-13 07:31:57

i think its a nasty chavvy activity.
however, its a party and a bonding experience for the dd and her friends.
let her go.
but clean her up thoroughly at bedtime so that she knows its for party-day only.

EXTERMINATEpeppa Sat 23-Nov-13 07:37:04

omg. Im so sick of these types of threads.

Heaven forbid girls do girly things, everyone is accused of gender stereotyping & whatever.

Im sure when you were little you played with dolls instead of army men and trucks.
Shes 5, its dress up.
Heaven forbid anyone have fun that involves glitter.

daisychain01 Sat 23-Nov-13 07:46:25

YANBU. There is one thing encouraging girls (and boys for that matter) to take a pride in their appearance, another putting specific focus on "pampering, preening, glittering" with a dedicated party. In other words, if the girls are able to play around with a little makeup at a sleepover for example, that's different to turning it into a big event.

Another person in the "killjoy" department I am afraid but IMO 6 years old is too young for that.

Bradsplit Sat 23-Nov-13 07:46:53

yabu

killjoy

meditrina Sat 23-Nov-13 07:50:48

"Heaven forbid girls do girly things, everyone is accused of gender stereotyping & whatever."

Very good point. What makes something "girly"? What does it mean to be a "girl"?

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