AIBU to ask in what way have I harmed my baby by not bf?

(224 Posts)
LostMarbles99 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:55:18

Before my baby arrived I decided I was going to ff. Ds is 10 months now and I still get little pangs of regret that I didn't try to bf.

There have been lots of threads on here recently about bf/ff and one person said how they felt so sad the baby didn't even get the first feed from its mother.

I totally get that some people cant bf but I didn't even try. Was this really wrong of me? Be honest?

monicalewinski Sat 23-Nov-13 22:21:32

Golddigger

That would not be worth an AIBU thread, because you know you are absolutely spot on.

Sick to death of seeing the same people going on and on and on and on ad infinatum about how fecking wonderful bf is.

We get it, it is nature's natural choice; some people can't or won't breastfeed so they use formula.

I know you're all not fans of anecdotal evidence, but I don't really care tbh - my children are healthy, fit and well and were ff from their first feed. That's actually all I care about - my children.

Minifingers Sat 23-Nov-13 22:30:11

Retro - for the babies of mothers who won't or can't breastfeed formula is truly life saving and great.

But I can't imagine that if babies had a choice and a voice to express it they'd choose to be deprived of fresh food for a full six months. They're human beings aren't they? How many other humans would choose an inferior reconstituted freeze dried food as their sole sustenance for months on end when a better, safer and fresher alternative was available?

Luckily for adults, babies can't express a preference, so adults can continue to put their own wishes first when it comes to infant feeding choices

roadwalker Sat 23-Nov-13 22:32:17

where is op- started it all and no response?

strictlovingmum Sat 23-Nov-13 22:33:27

Mini I do not have an urge to research benefits of bb and keep patting myself on the back, we all know it is very good for the baby/mother to do so if they can, many people can't for many different reasons.
I have done it both ways, my choice.
In OP case huge amount of guilt is involved for choosing not to bb, her baby is 10 months old, ship has sailed as far as the bb is concerned, best really to help her and empower her to look ahead and not aid her into depression induced by guilt.

Minifingers Sat 23-Nov-13 22:33:59

Monica - there is something self-flagellatory about your posts.

Why do you come on threads like this if you are so wearied with the subject and are not open to debate? Why?

I avoid threads where I feel I have nothing to gain by reading people's posts.

Retropear Sat 23-Nov-13 22:37:15

Um Mini mine would,they didn't enjoy being half starved with a miserable mummy to boot.

DancingLady Sat 23-Nov-13 22:37:42

Disagree - don't think there's anything self-flagellatory about Monicas post. She's stating the truth.

You however Mini are ranting and YOU are not open to debate. Your only wish is to impose your view on others and convince them that you are right.

Don't blame OP for not coming back. Probably scared to get a bollocking from you for her inferior parenting choices.

Minifingers Sat 23-Nov-13 22:38:33

The OP asked a question. I answered it. There are a range of views here most saying EXACTLY what the OP wants to hear. Why isn't that good enough for you?

Why are you so desperate to stifle debate on this issue? If you have nothing further to say yourself then stop posting.

Pinholes Sat 23-Nov-13 22:41:27

Amazing that the physiologically normal way to feed a baby has now become a 'lifestyle choice' or a 'style'.

I meant one style vs another as a blanket term for all parenting choices where there are several schools of thought.

I don't know what it is about parenting now (I'd say 'nowadays' but that'll make me sound old) but so many people get so bogged down in this notion of 'doing it right' and over-analysing every decision. Then there's the guilt. Oh my stars, the crushing, ever present guilt. And this report gets published and basically says you've irrevocably fucked your kids up because you make choices that it says are bad. Then that report is published that contradicts the first report in every way possible yet still manages to say that you've fucked your kids up. And there are shelves upon shelves of parenting books all of which contradict each other. So many theories and research and studies and do this and do that and don't do this and don't do that. And did I mention the guilt?

Bottom line is: we're all just making it up as we go along and hoping we don't fuck up so badly that it can't be put right.

Minifingers Sat 23-Nov-13 22:41:52

I'm not ranting. I'm disagreeing with you. And expressing a strong opinion, like many others on this thread.

People are allowed to have differences of opinion on this subject AND express them. They are you know!

Seriously - I can't believe how keen some of you are to silence dissenting voices on this subject. It's weird and it's wrong.

monicalewinski Sat 23-Nov-13 22:43:42

Self-flagellatory??!!

I come on them because I feel genuinely sorry for people who feel traumatised and full of regret for not bf, sometimes to the point of tipping them toward mh problems. This is not on imo.

I am perfectly happy with my decision not to bf, I have had no regrets and have never questioned my choice not to - I am very conscious, however that there are many others there who aren't as confident in their actions re feeding and happen to think they deserve to see that they are not alone and not the devil, which is what the more vociferous pro breastfeeders make them feel.

DancingLady Sat 23-Nov-13 22:47:48

Not ranting, Mini?

"Are you saying that we're wrong to express a view on breastfeeding that diverges from the mainstream ON A FUCKING DEBATES BOARD?

Seriously - how much censorship do you need in order to feel comfortable with your choices?

Are you hoping to crush and silence all dissenting voices on this subject?

Jesus, it's like living in the Third Reich"

That sounds like a rant to me. blush

foreverondiet Sat 23-Nov-13 22:52:15

Each to their own. I am a little hmm about people who don't try since there do seem to be benefits to the baby from breastfeeding, but unlikely you'd have "harmed him", and its personal choice.

FWIW my nephew suffered from anaemia and vit d deficiency as he was Bf for 2 years and my SIL didn't give him enough red meat / iron.

But its a ridic question - eg have I harmed my DC by feeding them processed food rather than all homemade. Have I harmed my DC as I didn't put them to bed earlier and they didn't get enough sleep. Have I harmed my DC by not setting adequate boundaries.

It's just one (the first?) of a number of parenting choices we make, all of which have health and other impacts on our DC. I don't think right to think of it as "harming" - everyone tries to do their best.

pippitysqueakity Sat 23-Nov-13 22:56:18

And no OP...

Heathcliff27 Sat 23-Nov-13 22:57:36

I ff all mine, they all had dummies and i even fed the eldest one turkey twizzlers from time to time!!!

Bad mummy

Pinholes Sat 23-Nov-13 23:01:26

I miss Turkey Twizzlers, they were bloody lufferly sandwiched between two pieces of white bread with the margarine going slightly melted from the heat off them.

Fucking Jamie fucking Oliver.

BF is hard work & not for everyone, I personally couldn't give a flying fuck, what I will say though is have the courage to stand by your convictions.

TheCountessOlenska Sat 23-Nov-13 23:08:16

I really don't understand why ff-ers have such massive chips on their shoulders tbh. God it's only a chat from the midwife and a few (lame) posters up in the waiting room. It's NHS advice, they advise loads of stuff which we all happily ignore. if you're all so convinced it doesn't make a difference anyway, then why the angst?? confused

Heathcliff27 Sat 23-Nov-13 23:08:34

I loved them too, The Oliver has a lot to answer for!! Twunt!!

Heathcliff27 Sat 23-Nov-13 23:09:56

Mmmm chips...

Pinholes Sat 23-Nov-13 23:13:13

Chip butty ....

We're having chippy tea tomorrow night. DD is only 2yo. Unspeakable damage will be caused to her insidey food receiving bits. Poor, poor child.

Heathcliff27 Sat 23-Nov-13 23:16:09

When I was working tonight my DH fed my girls chips and cheese for their tea! Jealous much...he never cooks for me!

Heathcliff27 Sat 23-Nov-13 23:17:32

Is it obvious that i have just finished work and haven't eaten? All this talk of food! Cant eat now i'll be up all night with fucking heartburn

pianodoodle Sat 23-Nov-13 23:22:04

What a daft exaggerated thread title.

Just sounds like you're daring people to find fault with your decision not to bf.

It's odd and confrontational.

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