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I slapped my child.

(78 Posts)
Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:44:03

He's thirteen, he called me a bitch, I told him never to say that again. He told me to fuck off, and I slapped him.

How do I make it OK again?

ipadquietly Fri 22-Nov-13 23:45:05

Tell him to apologise?

Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:45:38

I think I need to!

FanjoForTheMammaries Fri 22-Nov-13 23:46:04

He was way out of order

Don't beat yourself up

Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:46:54

He was utterly shocked and ran upstairs and went to bed!

CoffeeTea103 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:47:03

He deserved that slap.

How dare he speaks to his mum like that.

SkullyAndBones Fri 22-Nov-13 23:47:19

wail til its calmed down.

Sit him down, tell him you're sorry, that there was no excuse for hitting him and you were wrong to do it. BUT he must understand that bad language and calling you names in unacceptable and he cannot be allowed to disrespect you in that way.

Find a more appropriate punishment for the behaviour!

SkullyAndBones Fri 22-Nov-13 23:48:24

ps, its not a bad thing for him to realise that you DO have a limit, and that you can be pushed beyond it, so don't beat yourself up too much ok?

wine
thanks

Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:48:49

I'll have to talk to him tomorrow. Not sure how I'm going to make slapping him OK! I'm the bloody adult!

Isabeller Fri 22-Nov-13 23:49:50

How horrible for you.

Have some brew and cake

Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:50:04

Thanks for wine and flowers! I've shocked myself!

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Nov-13 23:50:05

I really don't know how I feel about this because...on the one hand I don't believe in slapping 13 year olds...and most of society has moved on from smacking younger kids as a form of discipline.

But (and I'm aware this makes me sound like a hypocrite) neither me or my 4 siblings would have ever dared speak to my parents like that because we would have got a well deserved slap.

I'm sorry, I'm not helping here confused

TiredDog Fri 22-Nov-13 23:50:44

I empathise but also agree that it's not acceptable.

I think sit down and talk when calm...no matter how long it takes to reach calm. Leave it 3 days if necessary. Don't attempt any conversation until emotions have burnt out

MuffCakes Fri 22-Nov-13 23:51:19

Well 13 isn't a child anymore he deserved that slap and I'm really against smacking.

I would of walloped my dc to.

I don't think you should apologise either I think he should be apologising for the awful things he said before you start.

Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:52:17

I've never slapped him before, I didn't mean to! I guess I lost my temper.

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Nov-13 23:53:41

13 may not be a 'child' but nor are they an adult.

And if the OP had slapped an adult who called her those names in the street, she would probably be arrested.

But the OP seems well aware that her reaction was wrong.

HoneyandRum Fri 22-Nov-13 23:55:00

Disrespect is definitely my hot button. I think you should think of some punishment he will receive if it happens again, so you are both clear of the consequences for the behavior and hopefully you don't lose control.

I yelled at my 13 year old dd today and she burst out crying. I was totally out of order and am horrified. It is a very rare occurrence (once a year or less) but I lose it when I am stressed over other things and than run out of patience suddenly for normal kids behavior. If you are running low on patience too can you give me some ideas of how to not overreact?

Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:55:32

I know it was wrong! I feel terrible. His words up the stairs were "Well, I'm not sorry now!!" sad

softlysoftly Fri 22-Nov-13 23:58:25

At about the same age I was a total PITA my parents never ever hit, they always talked to us.

Anyway 1 day I pushed and pushed and pushed my mums buttons and she slapped me full on the face. I ran away in shock.

She sent my older sister to find me and bring me home and I vaugley remember me crying a lot and her stiffly apologising while making it clear that it happened because I pushed her too far, she had feelings too.

I continued to be a pita until about 18, but within the limits as I now knew them. I'd always been wary of pushing dad (no idea why! ) but now I knew my mum wasn't my personal kicking block. It was a GOOD THING.

So calm down and do exactly as she did.

RoseRedder Fri 22-Nov-13 23:58:36

13 is a child

It's not the end of the world, Im sure youve given yourself a huge frightm and your sons got a huge fright too

Sit down with him tomorrow and apologise and explain what the consequences will be if he does it again (change the wifi password_

Bettercallsaul1 Sat 23-Nov-13 00:01:40

I think you were severely provoked, OP. You may feel you have crossed a line but so did he. It is normal for teenagers to rebel and challenge their parents, but using that language to you is beyond the pale.

I sometimes think it is better for children to realise how shocking their behaviour is - you may just have nipped this in the bud.

CremeEggThief Sat 23-Nov-13 00:03:20

thanks. Talk about it with him tomorrow. It wasn't the' right' thing to do, but I don't mind admitting I've done the same when my 11 year old DS has spoken like that to me.

Valdeeves Sat 23-Nov-13 00:17:28

What was said before he called you a bitch?

BillyBanter Sat 23-Nov-13 00:22:58

You both need to apologise and have a proper talk about how this all came about.

I'm not sure how it is that on threads where a younger child is slapped slapping anyone is wrong, and on a thread where an adult is slapped slapping anyone is wrong but on a thread where a 13 year old is slapped suddenly it's all right as they are not an adult or a young child. confused

KrabbyPatty Sat 23-Nov-13 00:23:54

Obv he owes you an apology, but you owe him one too for lashing out.

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