To NOT tell a mum that her son was freezing cold?

(43 Posts)
CustardLover Fri 22-Nov-13 18:08:37

I was out with my dc and my dm today when we met the son of an NCT friend of mine out with his dad. He's two and a half and was so inadequately dressed for the weather that I shivered just looking at him. He was in a t-shirt and thin rain jacket - no jumper or warm coat or hat or anything - and short trousers with bare legs. His dad was in a massive shearling coat. My mum was horrified and thinks I need to tell the mother that her dp doesn't dress their ds appropriately for the cold. I would be massively uncomfortable doing this - I don't know the dp well and I just don't think it's my place. I think she will be able to see what her ds is wearing when she comes home from work herself. But I do feel bad for the cold little boy. AIBU not to comment to the mum?

LaGuardia Sat 23-Nov-13 16:57:50

I agree with YouTheCat. Could be a safeguarding issue where the child dare not complain. Also, very interesting how many posters comment that their toddlers only wear what they want. You all really let a two year old tell you what they are going to wear hmm

When DS was in Yr 5 his teacher said "I'm a bit concerned that your DS doesn't have a jumper"

Yes, he did. I put the jumper on DS.
He took it off as soon as he got to breakfast club.
The teacher then said "Hmm, yes, at break he goes out with no coat (in winter) "

I wasn't offended in the least though,

And when my DS walks along with his coat wide open because I've made him wear one...well at least I've tried grin

Cat98 Sat 23-Nov-13 16:45:43

Haha * breatheslowly* I do exactly the same when ds refuses a coat!

My boys only wear a coat if its raining or snowing.

Notcontent Fri 22-Nov-13 21:29:18

Yes, sometimes it is a battle of wills.

But I am also amazed how often I see children wearing very little who are obviously freezing, while parents are all wrapped up.

Often I think it's just thoughtlessness. E.g.many children wearing rain coats in the middle of winter when they should be wearing a nice warm coat.

bellybuttonfairy Fri 22-Nov-13 20:58:55

My ds1 (age 2) wore a t shirt on the freezing school run this am. I practically manhandled him into a cardie, coat and hat. The hat was off before we left the front door. He took his coat qnd cardigan off twice (as I put them back on) on the way there. In the end I gave up and actually said to him 'freeze then'.

Nanny0gg Fri 22-Nov-13 20:34:57

He's two and a half?

I'm with your mum...

CustardLover Fri 22-Nov-13 20:29:20

Roses - that's a great way to do it and if it happens again I will.

CustardLover Fri 22-Nov-13 20:27:49

Completely agree with the majority that it's not agood idea to mention it to the mum, I'm glad to have the backup! My own dm just wouldn't let it go though (however very good at being a fusspot with my boys too) and after a while of the guilting you do doubt your own judgement!

For context, he was in a buggy and he was whinging a bit which is why I think he probably was a bit cold but as some said, hopefully that's just a trigger for him wearing some more layers if either a) his dad hasn't realised he might need them or b) he had previously refused them. They were also walking in the direction of their house and almost home

roses2 Fri 22-Nov-13 20:27:47

A better thing to say would have been to the child "gosh, aren't you chilly". They might be able to answer for themselves and less offensive for the parent.

I have spent the last few days loud parenting at DD who refuses to put on a cardigan or coat. As we walked from the car to her music lesson, every time we walked past people I said, "Are you sure you aren't cold? Would you like to put the coat I am holding on?" as I don't want people to think that I am deliberately freezing her while being well wrapped up myself.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Fri 22-Nov-13 20:25:58

My DD would wear that, she just doesnt feel the cold, i dont really feel it either, some people just dont feel cold.

Looksgoodingravy Fri 22-Nov-13 20:23:52

Sorry that last bit didn't make sense (half watching something on the tv too) blush

In short, I'd be offended if someone tried telling me that they knew my ds better than me by offering advice on appropriate winter wear. Still doesn't make sense but along those lines anyway.

Bathsheba Fri 22-Nov-13 20:23:23

My BIL once got into a battle of wills with my sister and took their son out for the day in similar .

Cue 2 year old with hypothermia.

Actual medical hypothermia. Not just "a wee bit cold".

I don't know in your situation though if I could say something

Looksgoodingravy Fri 22-Nov-13 20:20:19

Ds would wear t shirts all year round if he could, he goes to bed naked, he's rarely in a jumper as he just gets too warm. I've learned to accept that's just the way he is.

OP I wouldn't dream of saying anything to the mother of the boy you saw out today, knowing what my ds is like I'd be pretty offended if I thought somebody knew what was best for my child.

bolderdash Fri 22-Nov-13 20:11:26

Some dc get hot. Mine will wear a winter coat with hood up in the blazing heat. Her friend wears a strappy summer dress most of the year. I wouldn't get involved. I'm sure his mum is aware. But sometimes they argue, scream, fight and you think - we'll go out like that then and wait for them to ask for more clothes. It's a learning thing. They don't suddenly get hypothermia because of it.

The automatic assumption that it's something to do with neglect really riles me. It's usually from people who have forgotten what dc are like, having not looked after one for 30 years.

My baby wouldn't keep socks or a hat on. They were thrown in the gutter as soon as she could move her arms. But the number of comments you get. She survived unharmed.

shebird Fri 22-Nov-13 19:49:45

I saw a mum sitting outside a cafe today with a baby in a high chair. She was well wrapped up but baby was just wearing leggings and a thin top with no socks - it was the cold little feet that got me birrrrr. There were free seats inside! confused

MiaowTheCat Fri 22-Nov-13 19:48:46

I was getting shitty looks today - DDs were going about 200 yards from the car in the buggy, had chunky jumpers on underneath the fleece hoodie type tops they were wearing but because they didn't obviously look like candidates for the new Michelin Man the cat bum mouths were out.

DD2 runs like a bloody furnace hot anyway - you don't need a hot water bottle with her around - but a hot water bottle wouldn't be grinning at you trying to ram their fingers up your nose at 3am.

YouTheCat Fri 22-Nov-13 19:39:28

The reason I said I would mention it is because I did know a mother when my kids were in reception who would wheel her 18 month old dd about in her pushchair. She'd have a thin dress and no shoes. She had no clue that her dd would be cold and her dd had learned not to cry because she got a whack if she did.

There was a whole lot more going on there than just the clothes situation and the kids were on the at risk register.

Hmmmmm - I think I'd want to know in her shoes. (My DS is whippet thin but never wears warm clothes. Even now he wears a short sleeved shirt and his blazer to school when I see other boys in coats. And yes, I know Secondary pupils don't do coats)

But at infants the teachers sometimes raised the subject of my DS and his attire. I made sure he always had a coat but horses/water/drink

I'd be tempted to say next time I saw him "Jings, Sam, weren't you freezing on Friday? I had my thermals on" grin .
He might say "No" or he might say he was...

BohemianGirl Fri 22-Nov-13 19:16:11

Local prep takes the boys in from 2yrs 9 mths. They all wear shorts irrespective of the weather.

DeWe Fri 22-Nov-13 19:16:03

Ds (age 6yo_ came out of school yesterday in shorts and t-shirt only. I asked if he wanted his jumper on and he looked at me hmm and said "mum! I'm boiling!"
He's also still wearing sandals to school as he prefers them to his closed in shoes.

I am there in my coat, jumper, hat and gloves.

If dh is on his scooter he might, as a consession to the cold, put his gloves on.

ocelot41 Fri 22-Nov-13 19:08:47

He's two and a half not a baby - he'd be whinging like crazy if he was cold! Not nec saying 'I am cold' but generally grumpy, grizzly, whingy. If child wasn't voicing his displeasure (loudly) I would guess he's ok....

theywillgrowup Fri 22-Nov-13 18:48:40

i cringe when i see small babies not wrapped up (cant walk etc) sat in the buggy,no socks etc some times,now that makes me judge

toddlers etc do have a funny way of leaving the house fully dressed and coming home practically naked though

CMOTDibbler Fri 22-Nov-13 18:42:11

I'm sure the child would have been crying if they were cold. Its really not that cold today if they are being active. We're in the midlands, and ds was quite happy in just shorts and rugby top at school from 1 till 5 (he could have put on his base layer, tracksuit top or fleece at various points in that time)

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