To ask you to help my sister and I plan an epic proposal to her DP?

(114 Posts)
ExcitedEmmy Fri 22-Nov-13 15:09:16

My sister and her DP have been together for 6 years. He has two daughters aged 7 and 8 and she has a 7 year son plus they have a three year old son and one year old daughter together. They have loads of contact with his children and are sickeningly happy, to be honest. They have spoken about marriage and agree its going to be in their future but her DP is shy about proposing in front of anyone. However, he does like positive attention - just not instigating it (if that makes any sense.) My Dsis wants to plan a surprise proposal. For those of you who hate these things, please stop reading now rather than wasting your time commenting negatively.

Some ideas she/we have had are:

Planning a family photoshoot and having the children hold props reading out 'will you marry me?' Which he doesn't see until the photo

Her hiring a screen at the local cinema - it's really small and so inexpensive. She takes him out for a date (they never go out but have been meaning to for ages) and then the film is interrupted by a photo slide show with music and captions of their lives together so far. At the end it says:'will you marry me?' And when the lights go up it turns out their family/friends/kids have sneaked in and they then have an engagement party.

Opinions on these ideas and any other ideas would be Great please. I know not many women propose and some people don't agree with it, but thought I might get some great ideas here.

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 14:51:42

Um yes it is, hence why I wrote it. They've both had failed marriages and she's said to him many times she'd completely understand if he didn't want to remarry as his ex was a nightmare and that she's happy to remain unmarried. He is the one who says no, it's definitely what he wants and they aren't the sort of couple to play silly games

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 14:53:43

SirChenjin neither of them would feel thats very romantic or special. The two of them alone doing the cinema plan would be.

SirChenjin Sun 24-Nov-13 14:58:18

So your sister knows that he wants a public proposal specifically, in front of all of your family? And that only a public proposal is romantic and special?

futureforward Sun 24-Nov-13 15:15:53

he's spoken about how he would like the wedding to be etc. It's like theres an understanding they'll marry

In my world, that means they are already engaged, no?

saragossa2010 Sun 24-Nov-13 15:17:41

For legal reasons he might be wise not to marry. I hope he will be given the chance to take legal advice.

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 15:23:37

SirChenjin - I've already said that shes decided it'll be just the two of them at the cinema. Future - he says when we get married, she says if, he's asked how she'd like to be proposed to - so it isn't a done deal. Why saragossa?

futureforward Sun 24-Nov-13 15:24:32

Dsis isn't desperate to get married, her DP sees it as much more important.

Clearly not, though.

He is the one who says no, it's definitely what he wants

...and yet he hasn't got around to asking her, not in the six years they've been together, before or after they moved in together or before or after the birth of their children.

I can never understand people who say they can't afford to get married but can afford to have children.

Or those who say marriage is really really important to them but haven't proposed after six long years and children together?

Sorry OP but if he wanted to marry her then he'd have done it by now.

olidusUrsus Sun 24-Nov-13 15:27:38

With respect, Excited this is your DSis and her DP. How did you become so involved in their relationship to know that he definitely wouldn't say no and 100% wants to get married?

She's asked for your opinion so give her it - but the general consensus from MN (inc. me) is that it would be twee, trite and OTT to go in all guns blazing on a public proposal and to spend lots of cash they don't have renting cinema screens or hiring photographers.

I don't understand why the idea of an intimate proposal is so unacceptable. If I were in her shoes I'd corral the kids into helping make him brekkie in bed with "marry me" written in jam on toast (or something else acceptably twee but private).

And anyway, why would you forsake the obligatory and celebratory post-proposal quickie that an intimate proposal allows!?

The fails video was hilarious

SirChenjin Sun 24-Nov-13 15:38:19

My apologies Excited - I must have missed your post about it just going to be the 2 of them at the cinema smile

I'm afraid I'm still with futureforward, olidusUrsus and all the other heartless naysayers though.

ExcitedEmmy Sun 24-Nov-13 22:30:05

futureforward - 6 yrs isn't that long to have been together to not be engaged or married really is it? I always think less than 4 years is too soon personally.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 24-Nov-13 22:54:02

Me and my husband were married within 3 years of meeting each other smile I'm currently pregnant with our first baby which will be born before our 4th year together. But, we wanted to crack on with it because of our ages as I was 29 and he was 30 at the time of getting married smile

JollyGolightly Sun 24-Nov-13 22:58:31

This is such a pointless conversation, particularly as this is the 3rd thread you've started, and it's clearly decided that the proposal will go ahead in this form. So yes, YABU.

MmeLindor Sun 24-Nov-13 22:58:50

Gosh, what a load of party poopers. Emmy was excited when she started this thread, but she probably isn't now.

She's said that is what her sister wants to do, so why don't those who hate the idea of a public proposal go and start a thread on how they are horrible and leave the romantic fools here to discuss ways to organise something special.

BlingBang Sun 24-Nov-13 23:03:09

" 6 yrs isn't that long to have been together to not be engaged or married really is it? I always think less than 4 years is too soon personally."

Are you serious - but it's not too soon to have several children together in that 6 yrs - but you see getting engaged and married as a much bigger deal?

We were engaged and married within 18 months of meeting each other - really don't see the point of long engagements. Children came years later. Whether you decide to get married or not is a different matter.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now