To ask you to help my sister and I plan an epic proposal to her DP?

(114 Posts)
ExcitedEmmy Fri 22-Nov-13 15:09:16

My sister and her DP have been together for 6 years. He has two daughters aged 7 and 8 and she has a 7 year son plus they have a three year old son and one year old daughter together. They have loads of contact with his children and are sickeningly happy, to be honest. They have spoken about marriage and agree its going to be in their future but her DP is shy about proposing in front of anyone. However, he does like positive attention - just not instigating it (if that makes any sense.) My Dsis wants to plan a surprise proposal. For those of you who hate these things, please stop reading now rather than wasting your time commenting negatively.

Some ideas she/we have had are:

Planning a family photoshoot and having the children hold props reading out 'will you marry me?' Which he doesn't see until the photo

Her hiring a screen at the local cinema - it's really small and so inexpensive. She takes him out for a date (they never go out but have been meaning to for ages) and then the film is interrupted by a photo slide show with music and captions of their lives together so far. At the end it says:'will you marry me?' And when the lights go up it turns out their family/friends/kids have sneaked in and they then have an engagement party.

Opinions on these ideas and any other ideas would be Great please. I know not many women propose and some people don't agree with it, but thought I might get some great ideas here.

squoosh Fri 22-Nov-13 16:58:46

Hmmmmm, to me public proposals often seem to be more about the proposer than the proposee, and I'm suspicious that some are done just to become an internet sensation. <cynical face>

This is my favourite public proposal www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnyKkA05nYw#t=10

Jbck Fri 22-Nov-13 17:01:19

There is a cinema proposal on YouTube and I sobbed like a big giant softie. I'm welling up thinking about your sister now, I actually like the kids and the photo idea it sounds lovely.

If she is 100% certain he'd say yes and I'm presuming she is it'd be lovely to involve the children to symbolise the joining of the families.

Whatever she does I'd be happy to watch it if it was available and the naysayers can go be coldhearted on their own. You don't have to watch stuff on YouTube or wherever some of us like them.

squoosh Fri 22-Nov-13 17:02:36

'the naysayers can go be coldhearted on their own' grin

<chips icicles from her soul>

SirChenjin Fri 22-Nov-13 17:06:09

I much prefer watching the declined proposals on Youtube grin

<joins Squoosh to chip away a few blocks of ice>

Financeprincess Fri 22-Nov-13 17:06:15

Sorry not to join in with the positivity, but is your sister sure that her DP's reluctance to "propose in front of anyone" isn't just a reluctance to propose to her?

DontCallMeDaughter Fri 22-Nov-13 17:09:11

The best surprise proposal I ever saw was on a footbridge over the Thames right before Christmas a couple of years ago.

There was a drunk Santa stumbling along the bridge carrying a pile of parcels. He stumbled and dropped the parcels in front of this girl - she was properly freaked out. He stooped to pick up the parcels but was actually getting down on one knee. Ripped off the Santa outfit and had a tux on underneath. One of the parcels was a box she unwrapped and it was her ring.

Was totally awesome. Everyone on the bridge applauded. I hope they lived happily ever after!!

SirChenjin Fri 22-Nov-13 17:10:46

I wondered that too Finance.

Why does he have to propose in front of anyone? Why can't he just do the traditional thing of proposing to your DS in private?

Lavenderhoney Fri 22-Nov-13 17:43:40

If she knows he will say yes- then what about organising a big family get together Christmas afternoon at theirs, then she proposes to him in private, at home, tells the dc, then everyone comes over and has a lovely time?

Jbck Fri 22-Nov-13 18:14:55

squoosh come here and I'll give you a hug smile

My Mum thinks I am very hard hearted, she doesn't see me howling at adverts.

Funnily enough another friend made a similar comment, I must give off an ice queen vibe.

icetip Fri 22-Nov-13 18:49:09

The joys of unfettered narcissism - off to the freezer to add a few more icicles to my cold cold heart...

RobinSparkles Fri 22-Nov-13 19:30:36

Whatever you do, don't play Bruno Mars' "I think I wanna Marry You". It's so cliched and I think people miss the point of the lyrics (I'm bored and pissed let's do something stupid).

I must admit that I'm not one for public proposals either. If DH had done it to me I would have DIED and said no just to teach him a lesson, but I'm boring and I haven't got a romantic bone in my body so that's just me.

SirChenjin Fri 22-Nov-13 20:30:44

Have the naysayers frightened off the OP? grin

ExcitedEmmy Fri 22-Nov-13 23:11:20

I would disagree that it's a public proposal - the only people there would be dsis, her dp and their friends and family. No strangers. He will 100% say yes to her and be completely chuffed that she organised it for him. We've been chatting tonight and think we'll get video footage of the kids separately all saying stuff like why they're great together, their favourite memories etc and add that in, and maybe use the photo idea still by having each child have a separate photo with a chalkboard with the word - giving the three year old the marry one so he can't read it and guess the surprise!

BlingBang Fri 22-Nov-13 23:27:39

I can be quite shy about drawing attention to myself and I would hate a public proposal and feel manipulated into saying yes and having to react in a certain way in public to please everyone else.

Another cold hearted naysayer.

Preciousbane Fri 22-Nov-13 23:29:05

I think it is great when women propose but I will have to join Sqoosh and others in the ice box.

It was us alone and we were in a remote log cabin and didn't tell anyone else for three days, it was fab.

ExcitedEmmy Fri 22-Nov-13 23:42:45

They have five kids and adore each other; he isn't goingto feel manipulated. He talks about wanting to be engaged/married often, dsis has rarely bought it up. Realistically with five kids and busy lives it isn't going to happen like that for them preciousbane, though that sounds lovely. Anything out of the ordinary like a weekend away might rouse suspicions whereas a local cinema trip would lead to it being a massive surprise which dsis really wants for him. Plus the kids will think it's awesome and all feel included which is important.

BillyBanter Fri 22-Nov-13 23:56:22

People being different in people are different shocker.

I would hate a public proposal but I don't mind at all if others would like it. Some I've liked and some I haven't but it's not about whether I like it, it's about that couple and I don't get the 'I don't like it so I vote that they shouldn't do it' at all.

BlingBang Sat 23-Nov-13 00:00:45

How do you know someone would like it though or not like it? Do they go around making statements of 'oh, how I would live a public proposal"?
It's quite a big thing to get wrong.

TreaterAnita Sat 23-Nov-13 00:07:55

The cinema one sounds brilliant to me. If it's anything like our local independent her partner won't be that surprised to be the first ones in, and if the friends and family take seats quite far back, he probably won't recognise them in the dark. Genuine question though, is she certain he'll say yes? I think you'd have to be before planning something like that.

WandaDoff Sat 23-Nov-13 00:34:10

I hope everybody concerned has a lovely time, but I rather think that I also belong in the icebox.

A party to celebrate an engagement, fab.

An engagement at a party & a public proposal, not so much.
I wouldn't like to be put on the spot like that by surprise.

ZillionChocolate Sat 23-Nov-13 07:21:14

Perhaps instead of chalk boards have a t-shirt for each child with a word each? Have them individually in order chatting, then all lined up?

I like the cinema idea best, has the biggest impact. Presumably you need a family friendly film if you want the children to join in?

iloveny001 Sat 23-Nov-13 08:40:41

I love the Isaac proposal, mainly because I know the girl he proposed to! Went to school with her when I lived abroad as a child.

BohemianGirl Sat 23-Nov-13 08:43:26

The cinema is expensive - they wont do it for free, you will be eating into their advertising time. If they use the same rates I get for my screen advertisments, you're looking at the thick end of 2,000 for a one off 30 second commercial.

SirChenjin Sat 23-Nov-13 09:38:10

I know I keep harping on(!), but if he really wants to get married why hasn't he just asked her in the last 6 years?

Writerwannabe83 Sat 23-Nov-13 09:39:15

I think proposals are special and intimate and should just involve the couple. My husband absolutely knew I would say yes if he asked (we talked about marriage quite a lot) but he still did it privately in our home when he came home from work one day. It was special, lovely and romantic. I'm glad it was just the two of us as there were lots of lovely things we were saying to each other that would definitely not have been said if we had a huge family audience. It enabled me to digest it all, cry lots and just enjoy our engagement for a few hours before we let everyone else know.

However, if your sister genuinely thinks a big public proposal is what her partner would like then fair play to her for wanting to go ahead with it. The cinema idea sounds lovely but the practicalities may be quite difficult - the lights do not go off until the film starts so he will obviously see all his family members sitting there. Of course they could all trundle in once all the lights go off (late attendees) but would her partner be suspicious that they turned up to see a film and they were the only ones there? And as has been said, it may not be cheap either.

However, think it's important you wonder why he hasn't proposed to her. You say he is shy and doesn't like making public proposals and imply that's buy he has not done it, but why couldn't he have just proposed to her alone if he wanted to marry her? Public proposals are very dangerous in my eyes...I can't imagine anything worse than being put on the spot and saying he's because you feel you have to because everyone is a watching hmm

We are just strangers on the internet though giving our opinions on the small amount of information we have - you all know the ins and outs of their relationship far better than we do and if your sister is sure this is what her partner would want then I hope whatever way she chooses to do it, it goes fantastically and they have a great future together smile

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