To think the other bus passengers should have done something?

(52 Posts)
Alisvolatpropiis Thu 21-Nov-13 22:03:21

On the bus home tonight i was minding my own business,trying to ignore the obnoxious teenage friends I had found myself surrounded by. A man with obvious SN got on the bus, around late 50's.

The girl sitting next to me turned around to her friend (sitting directly behind us) and said "oh look it's X, is he a 'tard?". Cue much laughter from teenagers. I twitched but nothing.

Long story short - the man had sat with them because he knew the ringleader. It very rapidly got to the point where they were loudly and openly mocking him, filming him. At which point I turned around and loudly told them what they were doing was disgusting and unacceptable etc. They didn't react well. But I persevered until they stopped.

That isn't the AIBU. I believe I did the right thing.

It was obvious the other passengers on the bus could hear what they were doing, it was also obvious many felt very uncomfortable. Why didn't anyone else say something, even to back me up? Instead they first all sat there listening and/or watching this man be bullied and then listened and/or watched me say something about it.

Am I unreasonable to think someone else could have said something too? And to be confused as to why they did not?

ThisIsMeNow Thu 21-Nov-13 22:05:40

Honestly? I'd have been too scared if I was a passenger. That's not a great excuse and it's something I'd have felt awful about but it's the truth.

WhoNickedMyName Thu 21-Nov-13 22:06:43

Tbh I don't think I'd get involved with a bunch of lairy teenagers on public transport. At most I'd go have a word with the driver.

I think it's a difficult one, you were totally in the right to do it and very brave.
But you don't know how you'd react til you're there and you don't know what has happened to those people etc to make them not do it. It is really sad that they didn't I totally agree though.

fluffaduck Thu 21-Nov-13 22:07:48

I would of done the same as you.
However as for the other passengers, these days there is so much in the media about have a go hero's getting beat up and even killed, people find it safer to ignore rather than intervene. They probably all felt bad for him but were too scared of the teenagers to stand up to them.
I think YANU to think others could of helped.

CoffeeTea103 Thu 21-Nov-13 22:09:20

Tbh I wouldn't have done anything. I would not want to deal with those teenagers, don't know what they might have been capable of.

Yamyoid Thu 21-Nov-13 22:10:22

What you did was amazing. Sadly, I think I would've just got up and walked away. Don't think I'd have the guts to say anything.

IamInvisible Thu 21-Nov-13 22:10:53

Well done Alis. YANBU at all.

I would have backed you up, DH would have backed you up, as would have my teenaged DC. It really, really boils my piss that people bury their heads in the sand and ignore attacks like this. That is why people do it because they think they can get away with it.

That poor, poor man.

BenNJerry Thu 21-Nov-13 22:10:54

I would have done the same as you. I do not let anyone intimidate me, especially not KIDS. If everyone on that bus had stood up to them, they wouldn't have taken on the entire lot of them, would they? We as a society need to stop letting teenage thugs push us around. So I don't think YABU at all.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 21-Nov-13 22:12:01

I probably should have described the teenagers-
They were very much of the mouthy "look at me type being so cool,having so much fun LOUDLY".

They weren't in any way intimidating. Just obnoxious and really horrible to that man.

aurynne Thu 21-Nov-13 22:12:54

I would have been up there with you. You did the right thing and you know, and the rest of the passengers were a bunch of cowards who prefer to keep themselves safe instead of fighting for what is fair. They are the same ones who will complain when their child is attacked and no one does anything.

Well done Alis and I hope I would have done the same thing in your place. I hope I would. In fact your actions and your post will make me think twice and hopefully do the right thing if I'm ever in a situation like that.

claig Thu 21-Nov-13 22:19:35

They were scared, they can't be blamed for that.
But you had unusual courage and were very brave. Well done.

kaumana Thu 21-Nov-13 22:21:33

I would have done the same as you or having witnessed you standing up for the man , I'd have backed you up.

I've been in your position and I have had the same response from other passengers ie nothing..

LambChopsRarePlease Thu 21-Nov-13 22:28:51

I would have backed you up, provided I didn't have my children with me.

kaumana Thu 21-Nov-13 22:34:59

Clait "Unusual courage" Well , my parents generation must have oodles of that as they weren't shy in vocalling when I and my teenage pals were out of order! Don't see much of that now..

LimitedEditionLady Thu 21-Nov-13 22:35:37

I DEFINATELY would have backed you up,prob been the first to say something even if i had my ds with me and if ds was there i wouldve said what a fine example theyre setting.I can appreciate people being afraid and wouldnt judge someone for not getting involved but I can safely say yes I would back someone up standing up for someone being bullied.I regret not standing up for my friend when i was 15 when some teen girl thugs were mocking him verbally as he couldnt walk,i didnt because I was scared of physical harm so i appreciate that it is scary but now i think if one person takes the courage to stand up and say something people should stand with them.

Piffyonarock Thu 21-Nov-13 22:37:43

Well done! I've had words on the bus on at least two occasions and no-one else backed me up, just kept their eyes averted. But then I think I've kept my eyes averted on a few occasions too.

Once I was on the bus when a couple of teenage boys got on and started giving the driver trouble. He was being quite gentle about it, but they were being horrible and were holding the bus up. I was just about to go and tell them off, when a bloke sat near me got up and told them - well honestly, he was enormous, it practically went dark when he stood up! Never seen two lads get off a bus quicker.

ExitPursuedByWho Thu 21-Nov-13 22:38:29

I too would have backed you up but that is just me. Mouthy, objectionable and hot headed.

Well done to you OP.

ExitPursuedByWho Thu 21-Nov-13 22:39:05

Whoops, not suggesting you are any of those things.

People are too scared, as others have said. It's sad but true.

kinkyfuckery Thu 21-Nov-13 22:41:43

Why would they need to back you up? You sound like you dealt with it fine by yourself.

ReluctantBeing Thu 21-Nov-13 22:43:54

I don't know if I'd have said something myself to start, but I would have backed you up.

ivykaty44 Thu 21-Nov-13 22:44:47

because they don't know if the gang will then attack them instead. I was sat on a train in the summer with a group of football fans being racist and sexist - one man said something and then received a lot of grief everyone wants the football fans to pipe down but eventually they did when the one man went away to another carriage.

yes it was awful but did they have knives? would they physically attack as well as verbally?, would saying something cause more and more trouble (in this case yes it had as eventually they did calm down)

LimitedEditionLady Thu 21-Nov-13 22:45:58

I think a united front teaches a better lesson,if more than one person expresses an objection its more understood.It would also give people the courage to point out wrongs in society.I felt proud the other day walking past the bus stop the other day seeing two elderly ladies taking on a whole bunch of teens for swearing loudly.Yes,you go girls!

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