AIBU/Precious about my/our bedroom?

(22 Posts)
Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 20:24:32

This may be long and poss petty and I possibly ABU. But this is bugging me and I need to spill/vent/share.

OH in the forces so he lives away on the base most of the time but calls my house I share with my 3 DC his home. Which is great/fine.

I have ALWAYS been precious of my space (in the house) since I had kids. Always put kiddy things/toys away at night from the lounge or wherever I am chilling out and never had the kids stuff/photos of them in my bedroom.

My 3 DC each have their own room. They go to their dads every other weekend. We have 2 of OHs DC on the weekends we also have my DC meaning DS2 has to share with DS1 in the attic giving OH DC his room every weekend he is at home (this pisses him off but his room is the only suitable bedroom for them to go in for various reasons). It is not ideal but its really hard to juggle these things. I drew the line when OH suggested his DC should have a say in redecorating DS2 bedroom (they each have their own rooms at home).

We had our fitted wardrobes last yr at great expense and OH gave half his space to clothes we keep here for his DC (I love their mum but she is crap at packing - think 1 pair of pants between 2 of them for the entire weekend). So fine. This has now spread to wellies, onesies and bedding etc just being stacked in a corner in our room in the two weeks OH and his DC aren't here which is really really pissing me off. I never kept my own kids stuff in my bedroom never mind squeezing around kids stuff who don't actually live here.

I tried to tackle it with OH (can your DC wellies go in the garage with everyone else's?) but he flew off the handle. Saying its minging (erm yours mine and my kids wellies are out there?)

What do others do?

AIBU to not want a (nice new - first adult nice bedroom I have ever had) full of his DC stuff - and what do I do?

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 21-Nov-13 20:29:49

If your kids are not allowed to keep their stuff in your room then neither should his kids be allowed to.

Put clothes and stuff in a wardrobe put shoes/boots where everybody else's live.

More to the point why can't his children go in the room your ds has to move to? And no they shouldn't have any say in how your ds's room is decorated. They can do that in their own rooms at their main house.

Sunnysummer Thu 21-Nov-13 20:31:46

How long term do you plan this relationship to be? It sounds like his DC are an important part of his life (which is usually a good sign), but does mean that at some point you will have to compromise on making them and him a more permanent fixture in your home.

If you get a flaming here, perhaps you could post in Stepparenting for a more constructive answer, there are lots of people there who will have experience of and empathy for your dilemma!

Mouthfulofquiz Thu 21-Nov-13 20:32:02

What is minging about keeping Wellies in the garage? It's gross to keep them in your room!

Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 20:32:20

DS2 just goes in with DS1.

OH DC have a habit of breaking things and DS2 room has two beds and mostly lego which is fairly unbreakable hmm.

Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 20:33:30

We have been together 4 yrs and are engaged.

I love his DC very much - I just don't want my bedroom full of their stuff.

mumofweeboys Thu 21-Nov-13 20:33:52

Why don't you find a dedicated space somewhere else in the house. It could come across to your oh that you resent his childrens stuff therefore resent his children.

Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 20:35:25

He knows I don't resent his children. I sometimes take the day off work and drive 300 miles to collect them.

PoisonedApple Thu 21-Nov-13 20:37:46

I use big ikea hamper baskets - they look ok and hide the mountains of stuff that arrive with DSD.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Thu 21-Nov-13 20:42:53

This is obviously a long term relationship. Could you look into extending or renting/buying a bigger place? That way his dcs would have their own room they could decorate and your ds2 wouldnt have to ship out to his brothers room. And no kids stuff in your room.

Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 20:46:30

Hamper baskets sound good but not sure where I would put them.

We cannot afford to extend atm. I would love to buy a 5 bed room then they could have their own room but that's not an option right now.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Thu 21-Nov-13 20:55:12

Would it be possible to divide a bigger room into two rooms? Or have you a second lounge that could be a bedroom every other weekend? And keep a wardrobe/chest of drawers in it?

Btw i wouldnt have wellies in my room, i have a utility room but if i didnt they would be in the hall or a garage (if i had one)

Whereisegg Thu 21-Nov-13 20:55:26

vacuum bags for duvets and blankets?

not wanting their wellies in the garage with everyone elses is very odd though.

Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 21:11:08

Yeah he's very precious about his kids and a bit of a Disney Dad.

WooWooOwl Thu 21-Nov-13 21:14:21

It sounds like your DH is making this about his children, when the actual problem is storage.

Get yourself to ikea.

Whereisegg Thu 21-Nov-13 21:14:55

are his dc worried about spiders getting in their boots maybe?
could you tie them in carrier bags?

Garcia10 Thu 21-Nov-13 21:19:12

Disney Dad. What a horrible expression for a father who seems to love his children and wants some of their stuff to be in the house he lives in.

Seriously think you are overreacting. It just seems to be a few clothes and wellies.

I hate the expression but think it is apt on on this occasion - don't sweat the small stuff.

HopSkipJumpFroggyHopSkipJump Thu 21-Nov-13 21:23:40

Would storage boxes on top of the wardrobe in yours or your DCs room fit?

I think YANBU but this also seems like a non-problem. Get a hamper -- there really must be room in a 4 bedroom house for one hamper. An under the bed sliding box. Something! Or organise his wardrobe better so everything fits in there.

Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 21:34:15

Yes storage boxes on top of the wardrobes might be a good idea.

He loves his kids yes and goes to the ends of the earth to see them which I love him to bits for.

Sometimes he puts their needs over my kids needs I their own home which pisses me off when my kids are lovely to his and he is very strict with mine.

He wants everything to be perfect for his DC when they come - that's what I meant by Disney Dad.

nurseneedshelp Thu 21-Nov-13 21:43:35

Op you sound like a lovely loving step mum.

Wish I was as accommodating as you!

Sorry no idea about your clothing situation!

Gossipmonster Thu 21-Nov-13 21:49:18

I love planning out the meals we are going to have and I love having family weekends.

It's hard when we ask the kids what they want to do and to accommodate 5/6 kids needs.

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