Dealing with awful passive aggressive MIL

(180 Posts)
YummyMummybee Thu 21-Nov-13 13:57:46

Basically to cut a long story short, DH & I have been married for 3 years & I have had ferocious issues with MIL.... She treats me completely differently to my 2 SIL's, she treats them with respect, talks highly of them &whenever I call over always happens to say they call these days, were over for dinner etc however I am never invited.

Dh has 3 brothers & my dd was the first girl in the family for over 100 years,rather than being doted on by grandma she keeps making the point she never wanted a girl, only wanted one to "dress up", all men want a son much more than a woman wants a daughter etc etc.... Its ridiculous & petty plus we were delighted to have a healthy child we didn't care about gender & we worship our little princess who is named after my mom & my grandmother which did not go down too well....

She wore a white maxi dress & hat to my wedding...

Tries to pick an arguement with me when ever she can..

Hates my mom coming up to spend time with my daughter & hates me going home to my moms

Dh has tried to speak to his father about it but the bottom line was I was being oversensitive.... Dh knows I'm right though so no point in going down that route again..

I feel the only way to cope is to avoid her & not leave her know whats going on in our lives... We only live 10 mins away. I used to really try & make the effort but it seemed the more I tried the more power she felt she had & would use it to belittle me & make me feel incompetent... So now I feel the less she sees of us as a family the better...

Also I am expecting dd2 & after dd1 was born & named after my mom we told MIL dd2 if she ever arrived would be named after her.... We have now decided to use 2 names we both love & not use her name at all even for middle name, I have to take a stand & I'm no longer accepting being treated like an outsider & an imbicile... Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts Sat 14-Dec-13 23:35:03

Oh dear, it's so painful having your child treated badly, one of the worst feelings actually, as you are hurt again and again and you see your little ones perfect innocence and vulnerability and what a cow to try and hurt that - although thinking about it it probably hasn't occurred to her what effect she's having as that would require thinking about someone other than herself.

I'm very glad your dh in on side with protecting your precious dds, they need him to protect them as well as you.

Well done for being strong and have a lovely Christmas without the unpleasant b*tch!

MimiSunshine Sat 14-Dec-13 23:49:32

I know you've already decided on the name for DD2 but please whatever you do, don't change your mind and include MILs name. She doesn't deserve it and what if she had a complete turn around and made DD2 the golden child and attempted to spoil her while still treating DD1 the way she does?

I'd prepare your 'statement' on the name (or lack of) now, make sure the announcement to family comes from DH (doubt she'll really go got it to him) but both have the same rationale ready so you can state it calmly.
To be honest I'd be tempted to go for polite honesty, something like "we love the name, it's a classic, don't you agree?" And if she actually comments in her name not being used do as others have suggested and say "well you've always made it clear you aren't a fan of girls so we didn't think it appropriate" then smile and say cup of tea?

ProphetOfDoom Sun 15-Dec-13 07:17:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nennypops Sun 15-Dec-13 08:27:46

I'm really puzzled about the situation with FIL, particularly if he loves dd as you say. Surely he can see the difference in he way his wife is treating dd, also the fact that all communication is coming via him? Is he just closing his eyes to it?

SanityClause Sun 15-Dec-13 09:06:54

I can answer that nenny. My FIL is similar to this. He has been so cowed by MIL and her EA, that it's "anything for a quiet life".

By defending the OP's DD, her FIL would be putting himself in the firing line, and having experienced that in the past, he has no intention of putting himself there again! (So a child suffers, but at least it's not him. angry)

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