to think children don't really care about 'work ethics' and would prefer to have a SAHP?

(608 Posts)
Mingnion Wed 20-Nov-13 23:13:53

Well aware I'm probably going to get mightily flamed for this but here goes...

I have a 6.5 year old and an 18 month old. My husband that supported us sadly died last year and I plan to stay at home and on benefits until my youngest is at school. I have a degree from Cambridge and will put in what I take out a hundred times over in the future no doubt. We do not have a lavish lifestyle but my children are adequately fed, dressed and are very happy which is more important IMO. Six months ago I found a part-time job and the impact on my children was massive. They were miserable at having to go to nursery and after school clubs and I was miserable as I missed them. Now they are inexplicably happy. I know it is a common opinion that single parents must work so as to teach their children about work ethics but realistically, do you really think children will care? I'd say most children would much rather have a SAHP and in retrospect I'd have preferred my mum to have been home so her work ethics obviously didn't rub off on me. AIBU to think this way and plan to stay at home with my children until my youngest is school age?

nightbird80 Tue 10-Dec-13 20:02:49

Op. Sorry about your loss. In your situation I would do the same. snog a bit of compassion is appropriate here.

Snog Wed 11-Dec-13 19:54:09

Agree it is tough to lose a partner and the father of your kids and i have sympathy for this situation. But to expect others to fund your life and your kids lives through their hard work when you are not prepared to work yourself sucks imo. Many of the people paying for you OP have it tough too and may be recently bereaved too. Your decision might be legal but that doesn't make it right.

ConstantCraving Wed 11-Dec-13 20:06:06

My DS (25) recently told me he had got his work ethic from me, cos he'd always known me study or work, and he was proud grin.
But OP, your situation is not comparable. No wonder you DC were so happy to have you home - having lost their Dad they must have felt so insecure, but you can't use that to generalise about how DC generally feel about parents working...
AND whilst I feel for you and am sorry for your loss, I have to say your post is grossly insensitive to other parents who cannot afford your choices.

mer74 Wed 11-Dec-13 20:24:58

sorry for your loss.

i'm not sorry that i think you shouldn't have the choice though. not working shouldn't be a choice until your DCs are grown up and beyond. we can't support people making those "choices" at the rate we have. i think it's insensitive of you to think that we can e.g. when so many MNers are working fulltime and barely able to make ends meet. very insensitive.

nightbird80 Thu 12-Dec-13 10:59:51

The op only wants a few years of support though. She will thanhopefuuly return to a well paying role.

Golddigger Thu 12-Dec-13 11:06:38

Do these types of threads actually get anyone to change their opinion either way at all I wonder?

Snog Thu 12-Dec-13 18:14:24

" I have a degree from Cambridge and will put in what I take out a hundred times over in the future no doubt. " Really??? You're planning to take out say £20k pa for 3 years so around £60k? And you're going to pay in £600k in taxes?
A Cambridge degree plus 10 years of unemployment afterwards may not make you as much of an attractive employment prospect as you expect.

scottishbelle78 Thu 12-Dec-13 18:30:26

I think op is only planning on taking 3 to 4 years off though.

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