to tell adult DD she is not welcome

(185 Posts)
yerase Mon 18-Nov-13 18:13:19

DS has just graduated from uni and is currently a temp for a well known agency placed in the public sector (don't want to say anymore for fear of this being recognised). It is pretty poorly paid and he absolutely hates it. DD graduated from uni three years ago walked straight into a grad scheme has really taken off from there. Everytime she sees him she teases and taunts him about it (I've spoken to her about it before). However yesterday she popped in she took it a stage further and she asked him whether he was looking forward to another week in job paradise and how many cabinets would be filed this week etc.

DS stormed off into his room really upset and he locked himself away for the rest of the evening (until she'd gone). I'm really disgusted at her partly for her obnoxious attitude and I don't feel like I want her visiting if she is going to carry on like this as DS is really unhappy at the moment and can do without this nastiness when he's at home.

nauticant Wed 20-Nov-13 19:38:01

Like LondonMother I'm also surprised by the amount of projection going on in this thread.

It's a veritable multiplex of a thread.

intitgrand Wed 20-Nov-13 19:48:13

Your DD is setting herself up for karma to come and bite her on the bottom big time!
I would tell her that this is your house and you will not tolerate this nastiness to her brother.She is welcome to come if she can be civil, and if she can't she can stay away.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 20-Nov-13 19:50:49

Now you can be sure of her motives you can take a harder line with her, and she knows you have drawn a boundary.

That can only be helpful.

I hope it works out for everyone.x

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 20-Nov-13 21:58:48

Well, that conversation was helpful...sort of. At least you know she thought she was helping, rather than just being horrible.

And she now knows her way isn't actually helping and has to stop.

Hopefully she will approach things differently with him going forwards.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 20-Nov-13 21:59:31

And best of luck to your son op.

I've been in a similar position not too long ago and know it's tough.

SugarMouse1 Thu 21-Nov-13 03:23:49

Tell him one of your dd's weaknesses- she must have at least one.

Tell him to really, really make fun of her looks (unless shes a supermodel)

Call her fat (unless shes stick thin, in which case call her mad and anorexic)

If she doesn't have a boyfriend, tell her men must find her boring and repulsive, if shes ever been dumped/cheated on tell her it was because of how she is- incapable of keeping a man

If her boyfriend has anything wrong with him, tell her she has really low standards so must be a complete slag!

Ask her why she smells of fish?

He needs to fight fire with fire, and I guarantee he will feel loads better and she wont do it again

IAmTheLordOfRedundancy Thu 21-Nov-13 03:43:05

Next time she does it tell her firmly to SHUT UP. No more no less.

SugarMouse1 Thu 21-Nov-13 03:59:00

Or tell him to tell her that she must be thick if shes never heard of the recession; and the effect it is having on people getting jobs

It isn't anything to be ashamed of; plenty of doctors, lawyers, teachers, bankers hate their jobs and are miserable too!

What is the big deal, is she money-obsessed or something?

MrsDeVere Thu 21-Nov-13 07:28:26

Bloody Hell sugar calm down.

OP I am not that surprised she thinks she was helping. She is still young herself. There are plenty of older people who think the best way to help is to give someone a kick up the arse and tell them to stop moping.

Well done for having that talk and I hope things improve for you all.

dozeydoris Thu 21-Nov-13 07:46:34

I would make DD and DS have a heart to heart talk, with you not in hearing distance, not that you are doing anything wrong, just that your presence might make DCs alter their behavior to win your favour or to hide their problems.

If DD made her tactless comments to DS on their own and DS responded honestly, probably by being v upset, DD would get the message, and I would assume be sorry and even want to help him get to a better situation, instead of it coming from you with your twist on it.

You would have to get DS to agree to this. Perhaps DD can ask him for a quiet chat as she is sorry if she annoyed him and take it from there.

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