to think that this article is just another way to sneer at sahms? Motherism?

(443 Posts)
usuallyright Mon 18-Nov-13 09:56:23

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/18/sorry-but-being-a-mother-is-not-the-most-important-job-in-the-world

Whilst I agree with some of it, I don't like the sneery tone. There are many similar articles around at the moment about Mothers who choose to stay at home.
Imagine if someone wrote a similar article about working Mothers.
It's just another excuse to pour scorn on Mothers and their choices, which are often complex decisions, not a knee jerk decision to be a martyr..

CocacolaMum Mon 18-Nov-13 10:06:07

I agree with some of it but it's poorly written. What do you expect of a stand up comedian whose contributions to the newspaper historically appear to have been almost entirely food based? (she also has 2 sons but that hardly seems worthy of a mention what with being a Mother being so unimportant..)

pianodoodle Mon 18-Nov-13 10:08:04

Hmmm... I don't like the bit about hours of drudgery.

That's not my perspective of my day.

I think this is aimed at a certain percentage of people who do go on about how what they do is the hardest thing ever etc... but it isn't a reason to attack SAHM'S in general. We don't all think like that.

I've never made any of these "I have the most important job in the world" statements so yes it does seem a bit unfair to be snide about what I do based on an assumption that I have a certain attitude - when I don't!

usuallyright Mon 18-Nov-13 10:12:02

makes me wonder if I'm a freak cos I've always found motherhood hard and the decision to go back to work with my eldest was a tough one too...but being in the office was sometimes a holiday compared to being at home full time! But then, when I did become full time sahm, it was for a myriad of reasons and I enjoyed it overall. This article also ignores the fact that the reason it isn't as big a decision for fathers because women carry the baby, give birth, breastfeed, get maternity leave to facilitate that, etc.. it's far more complex than this article suggests.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 18-Nov-13 10:12:21

I also agree with some of it. The phrase that I really hate hearing is, "Full time mum" - I think it is so insulting to women who go out to work as they are just as much a mother as the ones who stay at home. I would say working mothers/fathers have the 'hardest job in the world' as they have to play exactly the same role as the SAHP but also find the time and energy to carry out their job.

nancerama Mon 18-Nov-13 10:14:43

I am sick and tired of the plethora of articles and opinions on whether mothers return to work or not, whether they breast or bottle feed, whether they bed share or not and so on...

Every child and every family set up is different. We all make the choices that work best for us. There is no right or wrong.

All these features succeed in doing is to make women feel like they are judged by other women, when in my experience most families are concentrating on getting on with their own lives to actually give two hoots to how anyone else lives theirs.

I do actuaoly agree with it. I think being a sahm is a valid choice but I do agree that the exaltation is designed to keep mothers in their place

usuallyright Mon 18-Nov-13 10:18:28

writer, that isn't true: that working Mums do everything sahms do as well as work.
That just isn't possible.
When I dropped my dd off at nursery, I wasn't looking after her, someone else was. I wasn't doing their role whilst I was giving a presentation at work. I wasn't changing her nappies, giving her a bottle or taking her for a walk. For 30 odd hours a week someone else was stepping in to do those jobs.

usuallyright Mon 18-Nov-13 10:20:03

nancerama, I agree. Just another article written by a woman (because they're never ever written by men) slating the choices of women. Depressing.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Mon 18-Nov-13 10:20:03

I agree with the sentiment but I don't think many people really go round saying 'its the most important Job in the world'. I mean, I know some idiots might do so on Facebook, but really, its hardly an argument that needs fighting, is it?

CoffeeTea103 Mon 18-Nov-13 10:20:20

I do agree with this article. Each person assumes a role best for their own family. I think a full time working parent has the hardest job though.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 18-Nov-13 10:21:16

I meant that when they get back from work they still have to find the time to do everything like the housework duties etc - sorry should have been clearer smile

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Mon 18-Nov-13 10:22:37

I disagree that working parents necessarily have it harder. There are so many variables: how many kids, age of kids, special needs, kind of job, commute etc.

HoneyDragon Mon 18-Nov-13 10:22:48

I think the issue is always exemplified by the small minority of people in life who expect to be validated as a person by what they do.

usuallyright Mon 18-Nov-13 10:24:10

it's fascinating that men don't write these articles criticising women.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 18-Nov-13 10:25:25

I would have thought a large proportion of the population want to validated as a person by what they do? Why bother going to Uni to get a degree and good career if you don't want to be recognised as having achieved something and doing something worthwhile?

Honey but I do get validated at work. I can imagine its harder to do that as a sahp.

pianodoodle Mon 18-Nov-13 10:27:47

I agree about there being far to many variables to generalise about whether a SAHP or working parent has a harder job. It all depends. It isn't a competition anyway.

I know some people don't like the term "full time mum" but although I don't use it I always thought it was meant harmlessly enough just to describe being the one who looks after the children full-time. Obviously a mum is a mum whatever she does smile

morethanpotatoprints Mon 18-Nov-13 10:31:56

I don't really care what she or anybody else thinks tbh.
If you are doing what pleases you and suits the family what does it matter.
I love being a sahm, but don't define myself as such. The fact that toilet cleaner is advertised by an actress pretending to be a mum doesn't bother me. My dh and dc clean and squirt stuff down the loo as much as I do. grin

Retropear Mon 18-Nov-13 10:44:16

Not sure I get the point of the article.

If sending children you chose to have out into the world well balanced,happy and educated isn't the most important(and hardest as voted for by 92 or whatever % )job I wonder what is.

Nothing to do with WP or SAHP it is very important and hard whether the author likes it or not.

Odd article.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Mon 18-Nov-13 10:46:22

For me, its odd to call it a job.

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX Mon 18-Nov-13 10:48:10

Looking after a baby is not hard, it just requires the ability to keep going 24hours/day 7 days/week with no break and no pay which is probably why the men with stellar careers are not going to be devoting their lives to raising children any time soon.
Also if a mother of 2 has to ask the question "what makes you a mother" then you have to feel she is very confused and really feel sorry for her 2 sons.
This is a badly thought out and badly written article. There are so many ill conceived ideas I could sit here all day and refute but I have to get back to my job as a mother.

Retropear Mon 18-Nov-13 10:49:16

I guess it's not paid so "role" would be more accurate.

Rufus44 Mon 18-Nov-13 10:51:15

Agree with honey,

I don't need validation, I may have needed it years ago but not now. So I don't really care what people think of me, working or not working neither defines me

soverylucky Mon 18-Nov-13 10:53:30

I have a feeling that this thread will turn into a wohm v's sahm debate. Do what you want people, as long as your children are happy, loved, secure and able to grow up into decent people then imo it doesn't matter whether you work or not.

I don't like the term full time mum either but get round that by calling myself a full time mum - I do work but I am still their mum all the time and always will be.

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