...to be slightly repulsed by DP?

(85 Posts)

OK, I laughed this off at first. And I am TRYING to be understanding. But it's actually getting seriously impactful now.

DP, about 6 months ago, developed this really weird habit. I had thought it was just because he had a cold. He basically grunts really loudly (I mean REALLY loudly) and hoiks up all the phlegm in his mouth, and then gobs it all (even more loudly) in the nearest receptacle. Repeatedly.

He does it in earshot of guests (though, tellingly, not his DPs). In front of the twins (so they have started copying the noise, which he just finds amusing). He does it A LOT first thing in the morning during his ablutions. And - which is where it's impacting - last thing at night. I'm trying soooo hard to ignore it, but it doesn't make for a Barry White moment. It's actually making my skin crawl and my teeth shiver and it's REALLY REALLY hard to fancy him and leap into his arms when he comes to bed.

Once, in his sleep, he even did it on my head. I jest not. That was a new low...

I've tried mentioning it in a non-naggy way only to be dismissed. I once even read out an article about things we find disgusting and why, which included chesty things like this, because at a subconscious level we see it as a sign of illness and therefore find it physically repellent because we don't want to be infected.

Do you think he IS ill? Do normal people have that amount of phlegm/catarrh? He doesn't have a cough/wheeze. He IS overweight (which doesn't help either, and he also SNORES like a particularly choked up walrus).

How can I make him aware of it? A bit more discreet? Just to TONE IT DOWN A BIT? I really don't want to be whingey, because I'm not like that at all, and I'm sure I have my own irritating habits. But he genuinely would get more action if he could just STOP BEING SO DISGUSTING!

Suggestions ladies please. Has anyone else had this or similar? How did you gently get them to desist?

I get this a lot, especially in winter and when I'm outdoors a lot. If he brings up a lot of oddly-coloured mucus he needs an expectorant, possibly a humidifier as well, and needs to shield his mouth. That'll reduce the amount of times he'll need to clear the passageways, so to speak.

As for the spitting, I have never spit publicly into anything other than a discreetly held tissue. There is no need to be disgusting about it. If he accuses you of nagging, just keep it up because it's awful, and a health hazard. If he's sick, he needs medicine, if he's not, he needs to manage his effluvia better.

Oh, and I got my boyfriend to stop smoking around me by repeatedly telling him he was going to make me ill. So that works too.

ArtexMonkey Wed 20-Nov-13 00:37:19

Doing it on you in bed is proper fucking horrible.

Are you sure he was 'asleep'?

Had you had a go at him about it earlier that day?

Hmm. Good news about the ENT though.

JudyJudgypants Wed 20-Nov-13 03:38:59

Use your phone to film him doing it, get quite a few clips first, then play it back to him and let him explain how its meant to enhance your relationship?

GingerBlondecat Wed 20-Nov-13 04:12:52

I wouldnt drink that coffee ..............................

FreckleyGirlAbroad Wed 20-Nov-13 06:04:12

Glad you have wielded your influence and hopefully the docs appointments will start things on the right track!!!

I used to work in a call centre and a girl who sat a few booths from me used to do this then spit into the waste paper bin next to her. You could see everyone else rolling their eyes over the tops of the booth dividers!!! angry

ZillionChocolate Wed 20-Nov-13 07:17:04

Revolting. Glad you're making progress. If its allergy related, it'd be easy to trial anti histamines for a couple of weeks. Certirizine one a day is cheap in supermarkets/home bargains etc.

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 07:40:22

My ex done this also. Morning and night, like your oh.
It was down to him smoking cannabis constantly.
It drove me mad. He should be respecting your views though.
I dont like how he can contain himself around his dp, but nobody else.

nennypops Wed 20-Nov-13 07:48:59

I don't get why he claims not to be aware of it, if he manages not to do it round his dps. And he surely has to be aware of disgusting things like gobbing into waste baskets. I really hope you make him empty them.

Thumbwitch Wed 20-Nov-13 08:43:00

Could be sinus issues.

BUT that aside, it's utterly disgusting and I couldn't live with it, it's one of my pet hates in the appalling disgusting habit stakes.

I really hope the ENT referral brings some relief for you both! And if it doesn't, then PLEASE insist he does it in a tissue, not in any old receptacle! Beyond unacceptable. <<shudders>>

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