AIBU to quit my job.

(71 Posts)
mumofbeautys Sun 17-Nov-13 20:23:50

I'm a single mum to twins aged 4 who both suffer with cystic fibrosis. I work full time and I'm constantly on the go. One of my girls suffers with extreme cf. My whole life is work and them.
But is it wrong to quit my job and lose that stability

LIZS Sun 17-Nov-13 20:26:54

Would you get Carer's Allowance ? Could you try to negotiate fewer hours ? Problem is that you may well find yourself under pressure from the Job centre once they turn 5.

azzbiscuit Sun 17-Nov-13 20:27:51

My personal values dictate that I should be responsible for the upbringing of my children and not rely on the state to fund their upbringing in its entirety, also I would want to set an example to my children of those values. Not been in your situation though so it's easy for me to say that..

I think it's down to your personal values, there are different versions of what the 'right thing to do' is in some situations as we all have our own values and perspective.

mumofbeautys Sun 17-Nov-13 20:29:32

I would be able to get carers allowance. I currently get nothing but child benefit for them. I have tried to negotiate.

2468Motorway Sun 17-Nov-13 20:29:34

You must be under tremendous pressure. If you did quit how would it be financially for you? Any scope to reduce your hours instead?

optimusic Sun 17-Nov-13 20:30:18

I would try and go part time. For the simple reason that you need some away time. Somewhere you can be where its not always about the children.
Somewhere that you can just be you, an adult. Have interaction with the outside world that isnt centred around the children.

optimusic Sun 17-Nov-13 20:31:37

What about part time elsewhere? I always find it easier to change jobs when employed

mumofbeautys Sun 17-Nov-13 20:31:38

I have work ethics and would love to continue. But being single and dealing with work and their health is killing me but my morals r stopping me quitting

mumofbeautys Sun 17-Nov-13 20:33:50

I will be honest and say financially I wouldn't be any worse off .

CeliaFate Sun 17-Nov-13 20:34:45

What do you get out of working, apart from money? Respite, company, a sense of self, independence? What would you gain if you gave up? Respite from trying to do it all, time with your girls, carers' allowance, perhaps access to more services such as weekend respite?
It's not easy to decide but it sounds as though you are pushed to your limit and perhaps you should if not give up, at least reduce your hours.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 17-Nov-13 20:36:04

I agree part time might be a better option, if it's possible. Give that a go and if you still feel the same, then reassess?

flowers

harticus Sun 17-Nov-13 20:36:46

Quit or reduce your hours - you are no use to your DDs if you are burnt out.
You need your health in order to care for others.

expatinscotland Sun 17-Nov-13 20:37:12

I'd try for part-time elsewhere.

SnowyMouse Sun 17-Nov-13 20:39:07

YANBU

Thecircle Sun 17-Nov-13 20:47:28

I think given your situation no one could judge you for leaving. You must be under enormous stress and as another poster said you risk your own health by taking too much on.

If finance wasnt an issue I'd leave, recharge your batteries and spend some time looking for something more suitable.

mumofbeautys Sun 17-Nov-13 20:49:12

Thank you, I am just at my wits end. I don't sleep . I have one who is on oxygen at home and has diabetes due to her pancreas being effected to which has also left her with enzyme deficiency. My other daughter although less severe has had 5 chest infections in the last 7 months 4 of which was in hospital with.

Jinty64 Sun 17-Nov-13 20:52:26

YANBU. Looking after your dd's is more than a full time job. Surely they would entitled to DLA.

MyFabulousBoys Sun 17-Nov-13 20:56:03

Can you not get DLA? Sounds like you are having a very tough time. thanks

RandomMess Sun 17-Nov-13 20:57:42

I would start looking for a part time job. Are they at school yet if they're not I actually think life will be harder once they are.

Twistiesandshout Sun 17-Nov-13 21:02:00

I honestly don't know how you cope. I admire you so much for managing to hold down a ft job and 2 children who're often unwell.

I think you need to decide what is best for you and the girls. If you think you can handle things better by not working then quit, and don't feel guilty - you are being an amazing mum which is a full time job. If you want to keep working because it is better for your sanity and therefore better for your girls then do so - but don't feel guilty.

Regardless they get their stability from you and I expect there would be benefits which you are more than entitled to claim and should do so if you need to.

If I were in your shoes I'd imagine pt work would be my choice as I know I would need the adult work environment to balance my life. But I also know how harrowing it is mentally and physically to have regular stays in hospital with a sick child and the responsibility of work feels much less important on those occasions.

Yanbu.

cjel Sun 17-Nov-13 21:05:44

I would try and leave work. If you find you need respite then you could get some part time. I think you know you want to be with your dcs, don't let guilt about claiming 'benefits' make your choice. The benefit system is exactly for people like you and your dcs.xxx

FlatCapAndAWhippet Sun 17-Nov-13 21:06:11

I think you would be wise to quit your job. You need to be strong,fit and healthy to look after your DC.

If you are no worse off then its a clear cut decision IMO. You have more than a full time job at home.

expatinscotland Sun 17-Nov-13 21:06:58

Being a carer and single mum to two with this life-threatening condition is a major job.

greeneyes1978 Sun 17-Nov-13 21:16:17

What about DLA, they should both be on high rate for care and mobility!!! You could get carer's allowance and child tax credits. I would do it, or at least go part time, you must be exhausted!

Who has them when you are work? Carers have rights in terms of employment and flexible working. Have you contacted your local carers centre?

You are amazing, I know a couple of mums with children with CF and it's so hard, can't imagine how hard it is with twins xx

CoffeeTea103 Sun 17-Nov-13 21:17:37

You sound very stressed out and although you would rather keep working, for now your kids need you more. If part time isn't an option then best to quit.

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