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Party invites

(47 Posts)
AlbertHerbertHawkins Sun 17-Nov-13 19:03:05

My son is 8 today. He wanted a party and we said he could have a party or the really expensive present he wanted but not both. He opted for the present and then once the time came close and the present was bought he kept pestering us for a party again. After much nagging we agreed that he could have 2 friends over to play and he chose 2.

Now the thing is he attends a very small school and he is one of only 4 or 5 boys in his year but there are always two year groups per classroom. One year he shares a classroom with the year above and the next with the year below. As a consequence of this he is friendly with boys in his own year and those from the years above and below.

He chose 2 friends and we invited them. Then yesterday I got a text from another mum stating that her son says he is 'the only one' not invited to the 'party'. I explained the situation, that it was not a party just 2 friends coming over to play on the X box but she says that her son was the only one not invited. The thing is, on reflection, the 2 boys are in my son's actual year group which means that the boy in question who was 'left out' is the only one from that school year not to come. There was absolutely no slight intended but on reflection were we being thoughtless or should we feel free to do what we feel works best for us?

Fairenuff Sun 17-Nov-13 19:06:58

You do what suits you. How rude of the other parent to text you. As you have said, it's not a party, it is two friends round to play. You could reply that your ds would love to have 'x' over to play another time.

SatinSandals Sun 17-Nov-13 19:14:13

It was 2 friends around to play. Ignore.

Bowlersarm Sun 17-Nov-13 19:16:35

Although not a party as such, it is a birthday celebration.

The other mum was rude to text, but I do think he should have been included.

stressedsister1 Sun 17-Nov-13 19:18:00

I can see why her son was upset, he was the only boy in the year group not to be invited to what he believed was a birthday party.

Seeing as you knew there were only 3 other boys in his actual year group (and if you weren't sure you could have checked) you should have either allowed him to have only one friend over, or all 3.

It was rude for her to text you, but yes, you were a bit thoughtless.

AlbertHerbertHawkins Sun 17-Nov-13 19:19:05

Hmm, you see, not a lot of thought went into it it was just OK invite 2 friends round. In all honesty I was surprised that he wanted the friends that he did and if had been other friends from other years the issue of someone being left out really wouldn't have arisen.

harticus Sun 17-Nov-13 19:19:29

It is hard when classes are so very small.
We have this problem all the time at our tiny village school.
Obviously the other lad felt left out.
Invite him round on his own for an X Box session.

AlbertHerbertHawkins Sun 17-Nov-13 19:25:43

OK, so how should I deal with the situation now. I get the impression that this other mother is very angry.

Fairenuff Sun 17-Nov-13 19:30:07

I can see why her son was upset, he was the only boy in the year group not to be invited to what he believed was a birthday party.

Well, he made a mistake. OP just reply that it's not a birthday party and would 'x' like to come over to play on <insert date of choice>

SatinSandals Sun 17-Nov-13 19:31:49

Agree with Fairenuff.

Bowlersarm Sun 17-Nov-13 19:32:25

Go along with the story that it's just a play session. Downplay the birthday celebration bit.

I don't think she has the right to be angry about it though. That would annoy me.

Hulababy Sun 17-Nov-13 19:34:19

It sounds like a birthday celebration. I bet the three other boys said at school it was for your ds's birthday too. Ime children always talk about these things,

In that case I think you were unreasonable to leave just the one little boy out of your ds's birthday celebrations. Would one more really have mattered?

uptheanty Sun 17-Nov-13 19:35:14

I would probably just talk to her, txt her and ask her if she's at drop off and can you have a quick work. Just explain that it wasn't deliberate and you would hate her to think you would do anything intentionally to upset her son.

If shes gracious and open, I would probably ask her if her son would like to attend- if you're ds likes him that is and would be ok with that.

If she's self righteous I would give her a wide birth. You can't spend the next 5 years pandering to her......on the other hand if you can keep it sweet, all the better! smile

SatinSandals Sun 17-Nov-13 19:35:28

It wasn't a birthday celebration, he chose the present. It was two friends to play.

AlbertHerbertHawkins Sun 17-Nov-13 19:36:42

Wasn't really giving it that much thought. Was working nights all week and just as I was going out the door gave DH numbers to send a couple of texts out. I suppose the fault lies in me being very distracted with other things and not really thinking it through.

Hulababy Sun 17-Nov-13 19:36:46

I suspect the mum is not so much angry as upset that her little boy has been left out, her boy is probably upset about it and mentioned it - as they believe it is a party and he is the only one of the 4 left out.

And let's face it. It is a get together to celebrate his birthday. Your Ds wanted a party, this was the compromise. So it is a birthday celebration in reality isn't it?

Hassled Sun 17-Nov-13 19:37:16

I think I'd bite the bullet and just invite the third boy. I can sort of see why the mother is upset, although it was a bit much to then text you to complain about it. It's the sort of perceived slight most people just suck up.

magesticmallow Sun 17-Nov-13 19:37:49

It's not a party, she was rude to text, you explained which is more than you needed to do so do no more. I hate things like this. Just be ready to explain to your ds why he is not invited to this other boys party when the time comes because you just know by this cheeky mare that she won't invite your ds

AlbertHerbertHawkins Sun 17-Nov-13 19:38:31

Too late to invite him the 'party' was today.

Hulababy Sun 17-Nov-13 19:44:57

When was his birthday?
When was the play date?
Did the three boys mention it at school, and did they mention it in relation to your ds's birthday?

Ime children really do talk, usually with great excitement, about play dates and parties and birthdays.

I am assuming the little boy picked up on this and realised he was the only one left out and he was probably upset and told his mum. She was then left with a sad child which probably made her feel sad about the situation. .

After all it is normal to assume a play date close to a birthday would be a birthday celebration. So she assumed her boy was left out of your child's celebration and that he was theory one to be left out.

I wouldn't have texted or called, but would have felt that my child had been slighted.

Just repeat that it was a playdate, not a party.

Hulababy Sun 17-Nov-13 19:46:06

As it has already happened there is nothing you can do really now. Depends on how well you know the mum and if your Ds and her son get on - if appropriate, Chat to her and just explain the situation.

Canthisonebeused Sun 17-Nov-13 19:46:10

I don't think you done anything wrong my dd is in a mixed year group class they are one class not two separate year groups as far she is concerned. So I don't think it's plausible to suggest he was the only one not invited as the rest of the class wasn't either.

AlbertHerbertHawkins Sun 17-Nov-13 19:47:57

But loads of his other friends also were not invited they just don't happen to be in his actual year group. To include everyone would definitely been a party.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sun 17-Nov-13 19:49:47

The other mum sounds awful, how rude of her to text you

I think the year group thing is a bit of a red herring if there are other boys who they are all friends with, he chose two friends out of several I don't think you did anything wrong at all

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