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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

(1000 Posts)
SugarHut Sun 17-Nov-13 16:14:32

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

insancerre Sun 17-Nov-13 16:18:10

YABU
oiks indeed
your son sounds like a thug

gymboywalton Sun 17-Nov-13 16:20:28

biscuit

FuzzyWuzzywasaWoman Sun 17-Nov-13 16:20:33

Are you Sharon Watts? <unhelpful>

Shente Sun 17-Nov-13 16:20:46

I don't know, it sounds like he's had a really difficult time settling in and he probably could have done with your support at the party. Perhaps make sure you do stay next time so you know what is going on and can help him in situations like this. Not sure what you can do in this instance, I think I might be inclined to ignore as talking to the mother becomes a five year old's word against hers and although you think your son is totally honest small children sometimes do see things differently to adults and represent them differently.

Pancakeflipper Sun 17-Nov-13 16:21:18

My first thoughts are it could be 50/50 wait until calmer. Then I would ask the party mum what she saw ( though keep in mind she would have been busy with the jam sarnies etc).

And next time stay to see what happens if you can.

JennyOnAPlate Sun 17-Nov-13 16:23:26

Leave it with freds mother, honestly. It's her word against your ds's and nothing good will come of confronting her.

I would have a chat to the party mum and just say that Fred's mum mentioned an issue with ds's behaviour and you hope he wasn't a problem? Then see what she says.

I'd ask party mum what happened and stay at the next party (if there is a next time)

MrsMcEnroe Sun 17-Nov-13 16:24:29

This is your first child, yes?

Roshbegosh Sun 17-Nov-13 16:24:57

Don't start WW3 with this woman, the boys could be best friends by next week. I would just leave it but consider it a lesson learnt. Stay next time to make sure all is well.

usualsuspect Sun 17-Nov-13 16:25:29

Just keep him away from those dreadful oiks.

He might catch oikness or something.

softlysoftly Sun 17-Nov-13 16:26:11

Yanbu they sound like scum, not like your naice honest little darling.

Seriously tell the chav mother she needs to keep her common tongue to herself she might corrupt your tarquin DS.

CocktailQueen Sun 17-Nov-13 16:26:39

Impossible to tell who's right and wrong here. You do sound a bit of a snob. Perhaps your DS was badly behaved and has been lying to you - or perhaps Fred is a thug. Either way, the boy's should not be 'battling' or play fighting/punching at all. I'd have stayed with him tbh. Next time!

I'd also wait til you calm down and ask one if the other mums what really happened. It's annoying when a mum leaves their dc at a party and other mums have to spend the party refereeing that child...

SugarHut Sun 17-Nov-13 16:27:33

Hmmm....Thug....that's one thing he absolutely is not. This behaviour is brand new from being at this school, with basically "boys that fight."

DS is not bullish, he's actually a very sensitive boy. He's never encountered boys that behave like this, and I discovered very quickly that he is unfortunately much stronger than the rest. For example, about the 3rd day of term I walk into the playground at the end of the day. Right over the other side DS is pootling around on his own on the floor with conkers. A boy from the year up walks up behind him and slaps him round the back of the head (!) DS curls up and grabs his own head "Ouch!!!" The boy laughs and slaps him again. DS: "Get off you horrible boy!" (I'm jogging over now) The boy then slaps him directly in the face. DS (crying) stands up, punches this boy square in the face (the first time he had ever done anything like this, I was astonished, I expected him to just curl right up and sob), the boy drops to the floor, screams, and runs to his mother.... "He just smacked me in the face Mummy!!!" It was only because 2 other parents had witnessed it, and told this other woman that her DS had entirely unprovoked hit my child repeatedly from behind that she believed me!!! This is a prime example of what I mean. If those other women hadn't witnessed it, at face value, my DS appears unscathed and is some "bully" who had dropped her child!!!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 17-Nov-13 16:28:01

Well I'm guessing Fred's mum hung around because she knows her son can be a handful. I think you need to stay at the next few parties. Either your son is rougher than you think with the others, in which case you need to be there to break things up. Or your son is being picked on in which you should be there to defend him. Either way I think you need to be there.

Salmotrutta Sun 17-Nov-13 16:28:08

Oiks?

Please tell us what marks out an oik.

I'm very interested to know.

MrsRBrand Sun 17-Nov-13 16:28:30

I think 5 is a bit young to be left in a new social situation.
Next time stay with him so you can supervise him more and teach him the social skills to get out of fights.
If he's had the upheaval of a new school he may very well be lashing out in survival mode when you're not looking.

My children are no angels by any means, but all four have managed to get through infant school and most of junior school (now Y9, Y7 and Y5) without it ever being reported to me that they have been in a physical fight at school or at a birthday party. It takes two to fight, and your DS seems to be one of the two.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Sun 17-Nov-13 16:29:38

Well this is what happens if you will mix with the proletariat. You poor thing.

BrianTheMole Sun 17-Nov-13 16:30:38

Have a word with the mother who was organizing the party and see what she says. And maybe stay at the next few parties to see whats going on for yourself.

ICameOnTheJitney Sun 17-Nov-13 16:30:39

OP you're not coming across well. "Oiks" won't EVER go down well on MN and neither will Mothers who blab on about how their sons aren't yobs...but are spirited etc. Your DS sounds overly violent too.

Salmotrutta Sun 17-Nov-13 16:30:53

But ThreeBee are your children Oiks?

I expect not because apparently Oiks are "fighty" types.

SugarHut Sun 17-Nov-13 16:31:20

Laughed at loud at the notion of Sharon Watts grin I know that's EXACTLY what I sound like. Seriously I do get that's how it comes across. But I am very hard and very strict on DS. I reprimand him for everything, I am often told to give the poor boy a break. I would just never dream of stomping up to another mother at someone else's party and speak to them like they were a piece of shit, with an equal shit of a child. I think I will speak to the party boy's mother.

Salmotrutta Sun 17-Nov-13 16:32:19

Oh dear.

"Shit of a child"

Lovely.

PrincessFlirtyPants Sun 17-Nov-13 16:32:24

Oh no! How awful for your DS. To be taken from his naice private school and to be forced to associate with these thugs! Honestly, home schooling maybe the only way. What if he gets an ASBO? These chav type oiks are an awful breed.

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