To think I have grown out of my friends?

(104 Posts)
DeepFeet Sun 17-Nov-13 02:27:12

I must admit I am the first of my twenty-something circle to have dc. We have all kept in contact since school/college.and see each other as regularly as we can.

My DM kindly agreed to watch 18 mo dd tonight so thought I would join my friends on a night out.
First night out for a long long time I must admit but assumed we would be going for dinner, maybe a few cocktails afterwards.

I got out and couldnt believe how drunk my friends were! Vomiting in every corner, abusing bouncers because they wouldnt let them in because they were too drunk. Crying over nothing.

AIBU to wish I had stayed home in my pjs with a boxset and x factor? Or am I just a boring bastard now because I have children? Surely this is not anybodys idea of fun confused

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Tue 19-Nov-13 18:30:19

Loads of people decide to start skipping nights out with friends when they stop finding the vomiting and crying thing fun. Doesn't have to be anything to do with having a baby. no its just called growing up, people with no kids grow up, but having children is something that makes some of us grow up quickly, and as agent zigzag alluded to the reward of that is worth more than vomiting a shed load of money / booze over a pub carpet and calling it a great night. OP you just came across as someone who had grown up since having your child and while you clearly still love your friends you don't want that type of night out, nothing smug or wrong about that. Yes going out and getting pissed can still be fun, doing it in the extreme and quite juvenile manner of arguing, vomiting and being totally wrecked loses its appeal when you have to deal with a baby the next day. some of the posts on here are horrid, most people who have children still enjoy life and nights out but the reality is they have a child to get up for the next day.

mitchsta Tue 19-Nov-13 16:13:22

I've had the same close circle of friends since we were 5. I've always been the 'wild drinker' in the group. I'm also 'aunty' to their kids. It took me longer than them to kiss a few frogs and find someone I wanted to settle down with, so I had the freedom to go out most weekends and I did. They didn't. But going out every weekend didn't mean I was throwing up in corners or arguing with bouncers. Ever. although I may, on the odd occasion, have puked the morning after a particularly wild one

There's nothing wrong with focusing on your kids and letting your mates have their wild nights without you if you're not interested - you can stay friends and have different interests/priorities. It's worked for me. I'm verging on the settling down/having kids stage now and will have fond memories of those carefree nights out when they're no longer an option.

Having said that, there's also nothing wrong with letting friendships come and go if your wild nights out were all you had in common with that particular group of friends.

LaQueenOfTheDamned Tue 19-Nov-13 11:18:38

I agree squoosh.

Back in my early twenties I was as thick as theives with a friend I made. Spoke on the phone most days, went out 2-3 times a week. Best buddies, confided everything to each other.

The friendship lasted maybe just over 4 years? But then she met someone, she changed (quite a lot, actually) and suddenly we just didn't click anymore. We limped along for another year, but essentially the friendship had died. Quite sad, but you just move on.

For the last few years, I've been thick as thieves with my group of girlfriends who I met through school. See each other all the time for coffee, nights out etc. I can see the friendship lasting another 6-7 years because our DDs are all going to the same grammar school.

But, after that...who knows? Once our DDs go to university we intend to relocate (ideally Cumbria) and I doubt whether the friendship will last, because we'll have moved 200 miles away.

I think there are very, very few people that you bond with, to such an extent that the friendship transcends any distance, or any change of personal circumstances - and lasts for decades. I have 3, very long term friendships like this...all the rest of my friendships are just lovely, and very enjoyable, but probably won't last a lifetime.

squoosh Mon 18-Nov-13 15:49:44

Some friends are for life, others are for shorter periods.

LimitedEditionLady Mon 18-Nov-13 15:46:03

Ive had about five transplants and a half because half the organ had gone insane.

BumPotato Mon 18-Nov-13 14:03:33

There comes a point in most people's lives when they realise they need a friends transplant.

LaQueenOfTheDamned Mon 18-Nov-13 13:25:55

Well, I don't know about the moral highground...but, I do get what Agent means.

Back in my twenties and early thirties, I was having a ball and that was exactly what I wanted to be doing at that time of my life.

Nowadays, yep, I confess we often spend a Saturday night in with a box-set, or just have friends round for chilli/board games etc. But this is just another variation on having a ball (I swear I laughed so much last Saturday night, just playing Triv, that I very nearly wet myself, damn that pelvic floor...), and it is exactly what we want to be doing at this time of our lives.

I expect in 5 years time, our weekends will have changed again, as our DDs won't need a babysitter...life changes all the time. It would be very odd (and quite dull) if we continuted to exactly the same things all through our lives, yes?

LimitedEditionLady Sun 17-Nov-13 20:04:21

But wings shouldnt be allowed to touch such superior blood!!I'm not worthy sob shock

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Nov-13 19:24:21

'Please please please can i mop your blood?'

I'm afraid not Ltd, you're not inferior enough.

Only wings will do wink

josephinebruce Sun 17-Nov-13 19:20:58

I think that anyone who thinks that is a good night out are the ones BU. But then, I led a completely boring life and only ever go out occasionally for dinner with friends. Nothing to do with having children because I don't and I very much resent it when assumptions are made about my childless state and my lifestyle - often by women who have children.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 17-Nov-13 19:17:20

You are most welcome oh supreme one

Bows

Please please please can i mop your blood?

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Nov-13 19:13:27

Thank you for enabling my superiority complex Ltd, I might let wings mop up the blood if she apologises wink

LimitedEditionLady Sun 17-Nov-13 19:01:17

Zigzag you are making a reet mess bleeding everywhere god dammit.
I really wish I could get up there and join you but seemingly you have been deemed supremely higher so I shall rest next to you on my lanky pony.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 17-Nov-13 18:48:03

Why is it you're only interesting if you go out and get wasted and vomit? I have a friend who doesn't drink but still goes clubbing. Is she boring?

At what point do you just grow up? I was drinking too much and vomiting at 17. I still love a night out and a drink (doesnt happen much due to having DS), but I don't feel the need to get trashed now. Regardless of having children or not, I just can't be doing with a stonking hangover. Am I boring then?

Or maybe the people that label others as boring don't have much else going on in their lives. If the only interesting thing about you is that you can vomit in a corner and cry a lot, well, that makes you quite boring doesnt it....

YANBU OP, that sounds like a cringeworthy night out to witness wether a parent or not. (IMO)

We've lost most of our friends who get hmm when we can't go out at the drop of a hat, apparently telling them we have no child are makes us boring and not worthy of their awesome pub outings. wink

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Nov-13 18:03:55

Apart from me Limited, up here, alone, cold and bleeding on my high horse.

This stick is getting a bit uncomfortable now, do you think wings will have another go if I get down?

sandfrog Sun 17-Nov-13 18:01:10

Plenty of people without DCs don't feel the need to get drunk.

thebody Sun 17-Nov-13 17:59:49

oh you didn't come across like that at all op. mumsnet can be wierd sometimes. you sounded fine.

thebody Sun 17-Nov-13 17:58:10

to be honest my 20s lads don't behave like this.

how sad that they think this is fun.

you have other priorities now and yes think you should move on.

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 17-Nov-13 17:53:26

Hmm. Vomit, tears and chaos on one's own terms, for a few hours out of the whole week/fortnight/month, coupled with laughs, flirting, getting dressed up, and seeing friends... or years of vomit, tears and chaos AND POO on the terms of tiny tyrants, rarely getting to go out, see friends or dress up. I think there are pros and cons to both sides...! OP do you have mum friends? Your old mates sound fun but maybe a bit... rough. It's perfectly possibly to have a big night out without these sub-Geordie Shore antics.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 17-Nov-13 17:49:24

I dont think anyone has said theyre better than anyone.

CloverkissSparklecheeks Sun 17-Nov-13 17:33:23

You did not come across like you thought you were better than them, this is just what happens on MN I guess esp in AIBU.

SantiagoToots Sun 17-Nov-13 17:27:28

Good luck with suggesting "other" things to do. When I suggested cinema, lunch dates, coffee etc. they were always too busy. Plenty of time to dance on bars at night though. sad It was a tough break but I ended up meeting people I could enjoy my days with.

DeepFeet Sun 17-Nov-13 16:42:36

Thank you to everyone thats posted on this thread - been a busy day and dd has been a bit poorly so have only had chance to catch up.

Thanks for the suggestions about seeing friends for dinner etc im not intending to stop seeing them at all, they are lovely people - I think its just the scene I have grown out of. Going out til all hours binge drinking doesnt appeal to me anymore, but it did used to and still does to my friends so think I will just leave them to it in the future.

I worded the OP badly I admitted I was tired. I didnt mean to come across like I thought I was better than them and wished I never started it sad

Retroformica Sun 17-Nov-13 16:35:36

I agree havi g children gives a different mindset. Values change

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