To think I have grown out of my friends?

(104 Posts)
DeepFeet Sun 17-Nov-13 02:27:12

I must admit I am the first of my twenty-something circle to have dc. We have all kept in contact since school/college.and see each other as regularly as we can.

My DM kindly agreed to watch 18 mo dd tonight so thought I would join my friends on a night out.
First night out for a long long time I must admit but assumed we would be going for dinner, maybe a few cocktails afterwards.

I got out and couldnt believe how drunk my friends were! Vomiting in every corner, abusing bouncers because they wouldnt let them in because they were too drunk. Crying over nothing.

AIBU to wish I had stayed home in my pjs with a boxset and x factor? Or am I just a boring bastard now because I have children? Surely this is not anybodys idea of fun confused

squoosh Mon 18-Nov-13 15:49:44

Some friends are for life, others are for shorter periods.

LaQueenOfTheDamned Tue 19-Nov-13 11:18:38

I agree squoosh.

Back in my early twenties I was as thick as theives with a friend I made. Spoke on the phone most days, went out 2-3 times a week. Best buddies, confided everything to each other.

The friendship lasted maybe just over 4 years? But then she met someone, she changed (quite a lot, actually) and suddenly we just didn't click anymore. We limped along for another year, but essentially the friendship had died. Quite sad, but you just move on.

For the last few years, I've been thick as thieves with my group of girlfriends who I met through school. See each other all the time for coffee, nights out etc. I can see the friendship lasting another 6-7 years because our DDs are all going to the same grammar school.

But, after that...who knows? Once our DDs go to university we intend to relocate (ideally Cumbria) and I doubt whether the friendship will last, because we'll have moved 200 miles away.

I think there are very, very few people that you bond with, to such an extent that the friendship transcends any distance, or any change of personal circumstances - and lasts for decades. I have 3, very long term friendships like this...all the rest of my friendships are just lovely, and very enjoyable, but probably won't last a lifetime.

mitchsta Tue 19-Nov-13 16:13:22

I've had the same close circle of friends since we were 5. I've always been the 'wild drinker' in the group. I'm also 'aunty' to their kids. It took me longer than them to kiss a few frogs and find someone I wanted to settle down with, so I had the freedom to go out most weekends and I did. They didn't. But going out every weekend didn't mean I was throwing up in corners or arguing with bouncers. Ever. although I may, on the odd occasion, have puked the morning after a particularly wild one

There's nothing wrong with focusing on your kids and letting your mates have their wild nights without you if you're not interested - you can stay friends and have different interests/priorities. It's worked for me. I'm verging on the settling down/having kids stage now and will have fond memories of those carefree nights out when they're no longer an option.

Having said that, there's also nothing wrong with letting friendships come and go if your wild nights out were all you had in common with that particular group of friends.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Tue 19-Nov-13 18:30:19

Loads of people decide to start skipping nights out with friends when they stop finding the vomiting and crying thing fun. Doesn't have to be anything to do with having a baby. no its just called growing up, people with no kids grow up, but having children is something that makes some of us grow up quickly, and as agent zigzag alluded to the reward of that is worth more than vomiting a shed load of money / booze over a pub carpet and calling it a great night. OP you just came across as someone who had grown up since having your child and while you clearly still love your friends you don't want that type of night out, nothing smug or wrong about that. Yes going out and getting pissed can still be fun, doing it in the extreme and quite juvenile manner of arguing, vomiting and being totally wrecked loses its appeal when you have to deal with a baby the next day. some of the posts on here are horrid, most people who have children still enjoy life and nights out but the reality is they have a child to get up for the next day.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now