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To think that as pre school is not compulsory...

(299 Posts)
cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:09:54

That it should not matter if dd is late every day ?

My other dcs get to actual school on time but due to various health problems and the fact I don't drive dd is always about half an hour late.

I've explained time and time again to the pre school that iam doing my best but I got a letter today regarding a meeting they'd had citing one of the main problems as being that dd is late each day.

I get up at 6 am each day and get myself ready, then it takes over an hour to get dd1 up and sometimes ds1 needs help too as both have to do physio each morning. Dd2 and ds2 are only little and need to be dressed etc and dd2 has significant health needs. We get the oldest two to school on time but by then I'm already exhausted and usually have my breakfast and a cup of tea and then get dcs ready to walk down to pre school.

Dd hates it so screams and takes shoes off numerous times etc and it just takes ages as I'm tired.

I just feel that given the circumstances the pre school should just accept that we will never be on time rather than make such a big issue out of half an hour. Rather than putting pressure on me I would like them to just make the best of the situation and accomodate the fact that dd arrives at a different time.

AIBU?

iHateMrTumble Sat 16-Nov-13 22:33:22

YANBU you are right it's not the same as school.

Pearlsaplenty Sat 16-Nov-13 22:33:56

Yes but if you arrive late with her the key worker has to stop what they are doing (which is working with the children) and greet her and do the handover, so it is disruptive. What would happen if this continued throughout the morning?

morethanpotatoprints Sat 16-Nov-13 22:34:23

I think they are being ridiculous tbh, but your argument of pre school not being compulsory is no different to school not being compulsory and you manage that on time.
Just tell them it isn't bloody important at 3 years old grin, they are supposed to be playing at this age not getting into routines. They have a life in front of them to do this.
Tell them to stuff it. grin

livinginwonderland Sat 16-Nov-13 22:34:44

Take her straight to pre-school and don't go to your mum's first. They'd be happier to have her 5-10 minutes early than half an hour late. She probably doesn't enjoy it because she stands out as being late all the time and misses out on the first half an hour. Get her there on time, then she can benefit from the whole session and you can relax knowing all your kids are where they should be.

cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:35:18

I have 4 dcs, the youngest is only one though so even though he has problems he's still probably the same as any other baby of his age we just have to be more careful handling him as he dislocates easily.

I really feel like it may be easier to just give up the pre school but then I'd worry about dd socialising etc as she will start school next year.

It is literally the only time I get to sit down and have breakfast at that time, up until then I don't have a spare second but once I sit down with a cup of tea it just hits me and then I'm lethargic and slow to do anything.

NorthernShores Sat 16-Nov-13 22:35:35

Can your mum help?
Does she have to go in the buggy if its just around the corner?

If she's screaming each day - you're right she doesn't have to go. How about just 2 mornings a week - or not at all?

NorthernShores Sat 16-Nov-13 22:37:10

IF its just around the corner can you have breakfast after the preschool run?
What about a childminder?
It doesn't sound like its working.

Littlefish Sat 16-Nov-13 22:37:29

It really does matter. It is disruptive both to your dd and to the other children. It disrupts the adults in the room who will have to stop what they are doing (supporting other children) to greet your child and settle them to an activity - or at least it would in my setting.

I also find that children who arrive late are unsettled for longer as they walk into a group which is already busy and where groups of children have formed for particular activities. It can be very hard for some children to break into these groups.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses Sat 16-Nov-13 22:38:04

Stopping for a cup of tea and breakfast is not an acceptable reason for your child to be late every day.

You have my sympathy with the additional needs, really - but you are using these as an excuse. It is your breakfast making your children late, not their health.

cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:39:34

My mum works from 8 am so she's not there when I am.

I have a double buggy as dd also has a joint problem and if she walks too far she either gets pain or the exertion makes her blood sugar drop.

From what I know dd is the only one who gets there late and if the pre school would accomodate this I don't see why they couldn't just make sure her key worker could be available for a few minutes at the time I can get there.

LastOrdersAtTheBra Sat 16-Nov-13 22:40:46

I can see both sides of this, as DS2 is having difficulty settling into preschool. He wails when he's dropped and I'm willing to bet if he saw other children with their parents, half an hour in, just as he was starting to calm down, it would set him off again. I can see how it would be hard for the staff, getting children settled and then having them unsettled again.

However, I think personal circumstances do have to be taken into account and I would expect the preschool staff to prioritise parents/ children/ parents with other children whose additional needs make life harder, over the larger minority who are finding settling a bit hard going, but will get there in the end. If preschool are aware of everything else in your life then I think their attitude stinks, if they aren't aware then they should be.

Do you have any other options where the drop off times would coincide better?

Pearlsaplenty Sat 16-Nov-13 22:41:42

Can you take a thermos of tea and your breakfast (snacks for your dc) and go straight to the preschool and eat them there while you wait for the doors to open?

cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:42:19

I know, I just can't function if I have not eaten. Still bf ds2 ( he has cmp allergy) so I get so hungry. I walk a lot too and if I don't have a proper breakfast I feel faint.

Have to stop off too to check dds blood sugar too and respond to whatever it is, sometimes she needs a snack or is hypo and its easier dealing with all this indoors rather than on the go or sitting in pre school half an hour early if I don't stop at my mums.

valiumredhead Sat 16-Nov-13 22:44:02

It's not compulsory but I think if you're going to use the session then you should do your utmost to get there on time as it's disruptive.

Half an hour early is fine take a snack and a book to read together, let her have a run round outside for ten mins?

NothingMoreScaryThanAHairy Sat 16-Nov-13 22:47:26

tbh I think you could do it but do not prioritise it highly enough. You mange to get to school on time every day.

If you have only managed to arrive once on time during the last term I can see why you have had a letter (and yes I do get the additional needs and physio we have similar).

Whilst the children may have free play the staff are observing and recording interactions and learning (thanks to ofstead etc) every time you come in late they have to stop what they are doing to settle your child, disturb other children and interupt play. Maybe if your dd went in with everyone else everyday she may not feel so unsettled about going (yes the hypo car is unavoidable but surely the monster poo could be dealt with by your mother or maybe go to the preschool and wait and have story time together (what we used to do ) or ask if she can come in earlier so ds does not become too difficult).

In short there are many ways of overcoming the problems but quite simply you do not think you need to.

NorthernShores Sat 16-Nov-13 22:48:23

cereal bars for when you get up and at pre-school and you could always have a brunch after.

You either need to work out how you can get there on time or find another option.

Littlefish Sat 16-Nov-13 22:48:28

But your dd's key worker will have other children in her key group. In order to settle your dd she will have to leave those children, possibly in the middle of an activity.

You need to sit down with the pre-school and talk this through. I have to say though, that I think you will need to compromise and consider either afternoon sessions, eating a snack yourself on the way and/or checking your dd's blood once you get to Nursery. Alternatively, could you check her blood before you leave home?

hettienne Sat 16-Nov-13 22:49:55

I think it sounds like too much stress for you - especially if your DD doesn't really want to go.

Children don't have to go to pre-school.

I think you're kind of making excuses now. You could get her there on time but you are choosing not to.

ImagineJL Sat 16-Nov-13 22:54:27

Does your DD have funded hours at pre-school? If so, then this could be the issue.

My DS1 went to nursery one day a week from age 8 months, when I went back to work. After DS2 was born I continued sending DS1 to nursery for that one day a week, even though I was in maternity leave (it have him some continuity and gave me a break). I'm a single parent and with one thing and another, I just couldn't get to nursery on time. The nursery arrived me this was not a problem.

However, they were then audited, and it was noted that although my scheduled hours were 9-5, I wasn't turning up till nearer 10. Nurseries and pre schools put in claims for the funded hours before term starts, so if someone is regularly late, it essentially looks as if the nursery are making a fraudulent claim. My DS's nursery was told to pay back all the money they'd claimed for DS when he wasn't actually there. They then asked me to pay it. I raised the issue with the council and luckily they dropped it all, but it's possibly a reason why your daughter's pre school are unhappy.

LastOrdersAtTheBra Sat 16-Nov-13 22:55:05

Provided the half hour means you arrive at exactly the same time every day, an organised preschool could arrange it the same way a nursery do. There's no reason the key worker can't organise her day to be available at 9:45, to ensure minimal disruption to all the other children.

I know what you've said about changing settings being difficult, but some accommodate additional needs so much better, it might make life easier in the long run.

ImagineJL Sat 16-Nov-13 22:56:15

Multiple typos! Nursery assured me

Pearlsaplenty Sat 16-Nov-13 22:56:18

Are you able to wait inside at preschool then? I assumed you would have to wait outside. Definitely go early then and have breakfast/snacks while you wait. If ds has a poo explosion pop into your mums to change him but don't stop for breakfast. I do think you need to prioritise being punctual for your daughters sake.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 16-Nov-13 22:59:05

There are many ways around this but sounds like you are making excuses. Surely like many of us do we eat as we are doing other stuff? Pack a snack, have cereal bars, there's so many options.

coppertop Sat 16-Nov-13 22:59:22

I would go to the meeting with a view to using it as an opportunity to discuss the difficulties you have been having. It may be that the pre-school will be able to work with you to come up with a way around this.

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