To think that as pre school is not compulsory...

(299 Posts)
cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:09:54

That it should not matter if dd is late every day ?

My other dcs get to actual school on time but due to various health problems and the fact I don't drive dd is always about half an hour late.

I've explained time and time again to the pre school that iam doing my best but I got a letter today regarding a meeting they'd had citing one of the main problems as being that dd is late each day.

I get up at 6 am each day and get myself ready, then it takes over an hour to get dd1 up and sometimes ds1 needs help too as both have to do physio each morning. Dd2 and ds2 are only little and need to be dressed etc and dd2 has significant health needs. We get the oldest two to school on time but by then I'm already exhausted and usually have my breakfast and a cup of tea and then get dcs ready to walk down to pre school.

Dd hates it so screams and takes shoes off numerous times etc and it just takes ages as I'm tired.

I just feel that given the circumstances the pre school should just accept that we will never be on time rather than make such a big issue out of half an hour. Rather than putting pressure on me I would like them to just make the best of the situation and accomodate the fact that dd arrives at a different time.

AIBU?

bimbabirba Sat 16-Nov-13 22:14:44

YANBU but people will disagree with me by saying that it upsets the routine of the Playgroup when children are late. Personally I think that given you have children who have care needs and you seem to be really struggling, the Playgroup should be more sympathetic and compassionate

AngelsLieToKeepControl Sat 16-Nov-13 22:16:32

It does matter I'm afraid.

Her being late will impact on the nursery routine, she may be missing things essential to the rest of her time there, like my dds pre school usually does a story at the start of the session and they do activities based on it, and it's disruptive for the rest of the class too.

Can you get an afternoon session instead?

they maybe think it is disruptive both for your dd and the rest of the children if she is always late. She probably misses group welcome time in the morning. Could you get her to preschool before breakfast or take a snack to eat on the way? What age is she? Could you keep her home instad?

AuditAngel Sat 16-Nov-13 22:17:56

Why do you not just go from school run to pre school?

This would reduce the opportunities for shoe removal etc.

hettienne Sat 16-Nov-13 22:18:21

It's probably quite disruptive for them. Maybe you could ask if there is a time that is less disruptive - eg. not during circle time/focussed activity.

cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:18:52

I can't see how it makes a difference as there is no routine as such, the whole morning is 'free play' except the last 15 mins of songs and story.

They are making a big deal out of it but on a Wednesday when they run a longer session parents were given the option of pay a bit extra for longer morning or bring their child a bit later! So its okin some circumstances it just not for me.

It is making me quite stressed, dd used to be late and collected early but now stays the extra 45 mins till end of the session but nobody seems to notice that only the fact that we are still late each day.

SkullyAndBones Sat 16-Nov-13 22:21:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeepThought Sat 16-Nov-13 22:22:46

yes a nursery where you book hours and use or not as you please rather than a preschool with standard sessions might be more suitable

bearleftmonkeyright Sat 16-Nov-13 22:23:06

I think it would be far better for your child if you got them there on time. Playgroup sessions are planned meticulously. Arriving half an hour late every session is defeating the object of sending them there. Could you go straight to the playgroup after school drop off and maybe not go straight home. I used to do that and help set up for the session. Taking them home again made it really difficult to get back out. Hope you find a solution.

5madthings Sat 16-Nov-13 22:23:33

Yanbu, our preschool has always been quite flexible about stuff likje this, obv they prefer it if you are on time but they dont mind if you are late and some children do shorter a sessions ie arriving late or finishing early etc.

Seems to vary though some are much more flexible, when looking at preschools there was another near me but opposite direction from the school so I would have been late as I walk and they insisted all children went five days a week as well...and had a uniform...needless to say I didnt choose to use their services.

It sounds as if your mornings are hard. But could your dd hate preschool precisely because she's always late so not really in synch with what's going on, and always feeling a bit on the edges? Of course the staff will/should be making sure she is included none the less, but it probably impossible to totally compensate for, as well as making their jobs harder.

I must say I sympathise but don't understand why you have breakfast between school/preschool runs, it would probably actually be easier for everyone -
not least you and your dd, if you keot going

Pearlsaplenty Sat 16-Nov-13 22:24:45

Yabu

It is disruptive to the rest of the class having children arriving late. What would it be like if lots of the children did this?

Also it is unfair to your dd, arriving late is never nice, you feel like you've missed out on something and also she has missed all the initial routines with the other children

cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:25:00

Dd is 3.

Dd1 has to be at school at 820 am and ds1 at a different school at 830 am then I usually go to my mums (she lives 5 mins from the pre school) and by the time I get there at about 840 am I am exhausted and hungry and dd is meant to be at pre school at 915 but we just never make it as she needs the toilet then ds needs changing (he has a regular 9 am poo explosion!) and its just all so much effort.

Dd2 is diabetic so I also have to check her blood sugar. One day last week I tried really hard was nearly ready to leave the house at 9.10 am , checked dd and she was hypo so then it all went wrong.

We have only been on time once, and from that I saw that there is no welcome time just in the door and straight into playing so I don't think it makes the big difference that they are assaying it does, in fact it seems easier to take dd later when all the other children settled as I can then speak to her key worker and do the daily handover a bit easier.

Meglet Sat 16-Nov-13 22:25:44

Yanbu. This is why I'm glad the dc's went to nursery, we could rock up at any time we fancied, and collect whenever I wanted.

We were always late for toddler groups too, it just wasn't important enough to rush. But we have never, ever been late for school. We're sometimes the first people there.

Oops posted too soon - if you lept going from school to preschool, dropped her on time, then you could relax properly knowing you didn't have to go back put again almost immediately.

iwantanafternoonnap Sat 16-Nov-13 22:28:04

My DS's pre-school isn't just about free play and if he was 30 mins late it would disrupt the start of the day. They have to go 5 days a week and have a uniform and my DS loves it and its good prep for school routine.

I would change to a nursery if you don't like the rules of the pre-school.

WooWooOwl Sat 16-Nov-13 22:29:39

It will be disruptive for the nursery and all of the children involved, so I don't think you can completely dismiss their concerns. It is reasonable for the pre school to want to discuss the situation with you.

bearleftmonkeyright Sat 16-Nov-13 22:30:04

There should be circle time shortly after all the children have arrived. They have to have circle, chat, show and tell time. Our playgroup had free play from 9.30 to 9.45 then circle time.

feebeecat Sat 16-Nov-13 22:30:07

Does she have to do mornings? My dts always did afternoon sessions at pre-school as I knew there was no way I'd get them there on time (and dressed).
In y4 now and never been late for 'real' school, so got the hang of it & it has had no lasting effects.

cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:30:11

If I kept going from school to pre school I'd be there about half an hour too early, ds2 would get grumpy and it would mean sitting around in the reception of the pre school for 30 mins.

I think once I get to my mums that's just the point where the tiredness hits me, it doesn't help that dd just moans and cries that she doesn't want to go and screams all the way in the buggy. Seems a lot of effort for something that just makes me stressed.

When she's there she does calm down and has fun but I just can't seem to get there at the right time.

DeepThought Sat 16-Nov-13 22:30:30

am I right in understanding that you have 3 children with significant health needs? I am wondering if the older two (who have to have physio at home before leaving for school) are entitled to transport to school? might be worth exploring

AlmostMrsRobinson Sat 16-Nov-13 22:31:22

DD went to nursery and the children turned up any time from 7am up until 10am and left when parents finished work. It didnt seem to cause disruption ir if it did the staff dealt with it well. They did the structured bits between 10 and 3 and had free play with a choice of activities the rest of the time.

Is there an other option close by? They might be able to accomadate better

NorthernShores Sat 16-Nov-13 22:31:54

I think its going to be a dealbreaking issue (perhaps for them) if you are regularly late. Its disruptive for the other children who will have already said goodbye ad be settling down into their day. Imagine if everyone came and left whenever.

You say you stop for breakfast and a cup of tea - can you do this before the run/after the pre-school run? Or take a breakfast bar?

Do you have to go home in between? That's what's drawing it out. Do you have a pre-school nearer? Or a childminder that does the early years. OR even a nursery that is set up for fleixble starts/finishes.

cantsleep Sat 16-Nov-13 22:32:31

Dd usually sleeps in the afternoons so needs morning sessions.

I don't feel I could change her now as the new nursery/ pre school would have to be trained by the diabetes team and it took months with the current nursery to get things right and dd would be leaving next July anyway so doesn't seem worth it to change now.

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