Should I breakup with boyfriend who is not ready for kids

(110 Posts)
Hellokitty00 Sat 16-Nov-13 18:10:32

I am 32 and my boy-friend of 2.5 years is 5 years younger than I am.
2 years ago I fell pregnant and as we were both not ready, I had an abortion. I have regretted this decision ever since.
Then earlier ths year I was very unwell for a period and during this time discovered I was pregnant. I was delighted and surprised and wanted to keep it, however my boy-friend did not and became a monster, becoming quite verbally unpleasant. He pleaaded and begged for me to have another abortion saying we would have kids in 2 years time, not having any consideration for what risks there may be, and after realising I would not give in, he threatened to leave me and said some very hurtful things. The stress was immense from the constant arguing and I miscarried.
Becoming pregnant again has awaken my biological clock and now I have such a strong urge for children and am terrified of leaving it much longer as I am not a spring chicken.
I asked him about kids and he now says that he does not know when he will be ready for kids, and that the whole "2 years time" nonsense was said in panic. But that he definately wants kids with me in the future.
He thinks that everything has gone back to normal and that we can just carry on as before however I am offended how against our baby he was, and my parents has expressed that I should have more self esteem and find a better man who will look after me in the emotional sense, as my current boy-friend is like a teenage boy who never grew up.
However I am in love and I do believe that he is in love with me. We are both British but met working abroad. He gave up his job and moved to my city to be together / we h ave shared so much. But I know in my heart that we have no future because of the baby situation, but I am scared of the heart ache and loneliness that will follow if I break up with him. We live together and it will tear me apart seeing him go.
I am crying as I write this. I would like to bear from other ladies who were/Are in simular situations and how you got through it.
Thanks x

Girlwhoplayedwithsapphire Sat 16-Nov-13 20:22:46

Yes leave him while you can still find your happiness....., before he eventually leaves you, marries someone else and has 6 kids with them

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sat 16-Nov-13 20:29:05

I don't think your boyfriend should ever have children with anyone at any time.

You need to leave him as others have said. flowers

Nanny0gg Sat 16-Nov-13 20:29:49

but I am scared of the heart ache and loneliness that will follow if I break up with him.

To be perfectly blunt, you will get over this. And it's no reason to stay with someone.

Please listen to your parents. They love you, he doesn't.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 16-Nov-13 20:32:40

Presumably he knew the facts of life when he had unprotected sex with you? Or did you manage to get pregnant all by yourself?
FFS, you are 32, so you have time to leave him, and have some fun, before settling down with a decent man.
If this helps to put it in perspective, my sis was 39 when she met her partner. He was 27. He would maybe have not chosen children there and then had he not met her, but understood that she didn't have time on her side, they decided to start trying after a year, and 2 years later she had a baby. He is a wonderful father, and they are great together. It nowt to do with age. Its to do with your boyfriend being a cunt.

Pinupgirl Sat 16-Nov-13 20:33:49

I am so sorry that you aborted your baby for this horrible man. Please,please tell him to go fuck himself and go and have a lovely life with babies with someone who loves and respects you.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 16-Nov-13 20:40:18

You will get better and you will be happy again soon if you get rid of the fucker. You will never get better and never be completely happy if you don't.

Get rid of him.

Fishandjam Sat 16-Nov-13 20:45:15

And what about the heartache and loneliness which will follow if you stay with him? Because I'll bet, even if you do have children with him, you'll effectively be a single parent. I don't expect he'll do anything in the way of changing nappies, getting up in the night, playing with them, loving them... That's if he even stays around.

You deserve so, so much more.

paxtecum Sat 16-Nov-13 20:47:19

OP: Dump him.
He is abusive, nasty, mean, aggressive, selfish, uncaring etc etc.

DUMP HIM

specialsubject Sat 16-Nov-13 20:56:51

sorry, but please don't breed with this guy. Apart from the fact that he will dump you and abuse you, don't make any more of him.

see those hills? Head for them NOW.

Pearlsaplenty Sat 16-Nov-13 20:57:24

Op I'm sorry that you lost your baby flowers

Your bf doesn't sound very loving at all. He was completely unsupportive to you and those things he said were terrible. I think if you did have children with him he would be a very unsupportive father as well. I hope you can move on and find some peace and then meet someone who loves you who you can have a family with.

bellablot Sat 16-Nov-13 21:00:34

Wtf, LTB while you have the chance. In love with a manipulative, controlling man like this, kids with a man like this would be disastrous, why would you consider it, find someone decent who will treat you and your body some god damn respect, prick!

eddielizzard Sat 16-Nov-13 21:03:21

yes you will feel heartache and loneliness if you leave, but not for long.

nothing like how you will feel in a few years time if you still don't have children and it's too late.

i don't believe he wants kids. i don't think you should hang around.

he's got lots of time but you don't. sorry, it's a harsh reality.

There are millions of people you can have a baby with in this world who will love and accept you for who you are, who will face whatever comes their way with you and who won't treat you as appallingly as that person has done.

As scary as it may feel to end the relationship it will actually be the start of a happier life for you.

BeigeBuffet Sat 16-Nov-13 21:05:41

You deserve love
You deserve to be happy
You deserve to be with someone who is loving and can make you happy.

Life is not always happy, there are times when it's bloody awful but your baseline should be happy otherwise it's just not worth it.

There are great people out there, great men who you can have a happy life with. Don't stay with someone who can't make you happy.

ColinButterfly Sat 16-Nov-13 21:06:50

I hope you're ok. Your OP is so sad. Everything is on his terms and always will be. He's been cruel and manipulative. You will be lonelier in a relationship like this than you could ever be alone.

toffeesponge Sat 16-Nov-13 21:08:45

Stop being scared of heart ache and all that shit but start being excited about being with a grown up who treats you with love, respect and kindness and wants the same as you. ie not your current boyfriend. Nothing wrong that he doesn't feel ready for a baby but everything wrong with bullying you into another abortion. He needs to use condoms. You need to listen to your parents and get some self esteem.

toffeesponge Sat 16-Nov-13 21:10:20

Do NOT give him an ultimatum of baby or it is over. FFS. Why would you want to saddle yourself to this twat forever? hmm

thanks your reasons for staying with him are not enough. They are about shared memories. A shared past is not necessarily a happy future. And from what you have said in your OP it doesn't sound like a happy future is very likely with him.

You are only 32. Clock may be ticking for you but you have plenty if time to get over him (yes it will hurt, but yes, you will get over him) and find someone who loves you, who you love, and who will be a good father to your babies. Good luck.

You should leave him because he is a cunt of epic proportions & you deserve so much better.

GobbolinoCat Sat 16-Nov-13 21:39:48

I have heard this time and again over the years.

He probably will want children with another woman just not you.

That is so harsh but I have heard so many men tell a friend they do not want children, they break up and suddenly they are Mr Family Guy.

Leave him.

Catnap26 Sat 16-Nov-13 21:40:21

OP reading your thread made me quite sad.i know it will be horrifically heartbreaking leaving him but I do believe you know he isn't the right man for you,you deserve much better.you will get over it but yes initially it will be hard but as another poster said,look forward to meeting a man who wants children and who will respect you.

Euphemia Sat 16-Nov-13 21:46:16

Oh my goodness, please do not waste any more time on this bastard. Leave.

sad

As a whole, I think MN cares more about you than this man does.
Please look after yourself.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 16-Nov-13 21:51:29

Please please listen to your parents advice!!! This man is not worthy of you. To ask you to do this twice shock. He doesn't care for you. A man who loved you would never treat you this way.

What makes you think this man loves you?

There is nothing in your posts that shows any love, only hatred and self service in your op.

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