18 month old DS vomiting in cot, CC, AIBU?(107 Posts)
Am really struggling to get DS to sleep in his cot, he has never been a fan, but we go through periods where he is happy enough to settle down after a bit of babbling and will sleep through.
However the last month he has been so unsettled and screams with rage every bedtime . I think he's just getting more aware of the exciting world around him and thinks sleeping is too boring! He can make himself so upset that he vomits within 2 minutes of being put into cot. Then I have to clean him up and usually end up rocking him for up to 45 mins to sleep, but he's becoming ever more reliant on that to settle. Same when he wakes in the night, which he does at least once or twice nightly.
I am now 7 months pregnant, working full time and beyond tired, can't continue like this and want to be in a better place sleep-wise when new baby arrives. Considering controlled crying (we did this at 12 months, going in at 2,3,5 mins etc and it worked great, but went downhill quickly due to periods of teething, bugs and moving house - our fault really for not being consistent). However am concerned about the vomiting, as I know he will be sick as soon as he gets upset. Doctor has ruled out any illness, so I think the vomiting is something of a learned response and I will just have to ignore it, clean him up and persevere. But will it work? And is it an awful thing to do to him?
Partner does as much as I do to settle DS, definitely pulling his weight, and is not overly keen on CC at any age, but he can survive on less sleep than me! And he doesn't had any better solutions!
No sleep is horrible. You have my sympathies. Put him in bed with you, that way you'll all get more sleep.
Yes, it's an awful thing to do to a child who is so distressed he's vomiting. You know this.
Can you let him sleep downstairs with you and when you go to bed take him with you? Could you have his cot in your room if you don't want him in your bed?
It sounds like he has severe separation anxiety at night. Please don't leave him to cry.
Yes YABU. It's a horrible thing to do, to leave your child to get so upset he vomits. How could that possibly be 'a solution'?!?!?!
Co-sleep or another calmer method.
No you are not being unreasonable - you need your sleep
The only problem is if it makes him even more scared of the cot
If co sleeping worked I presume you would be doing that already - and you can't do it once the baby is here
There are alternatives to cc although nothing wrong with it at 18 months - what about gradual retreat put him in cot then sit nearby singing / comforting but stop picking him up and rocking him - Dont leave till asleep
Could you afford a sleep consultant - we used one they have lots I methods and are worth every penny
Yes co sleeping does not work, he wakes up at least every half hour! He needs to be rocked and shushed to sleep, whether that's sleeping in cot or in our bed. And I cannot do this any longer, he is no longer comfortable to have curled up on top of my bump, for one. And obviously I cannot go to bed with him every night at 7.30pm!
He naps better in the day. It's night he hates.
Wow judgy much posters? Op you have my utmost sympathy, we did cc (after being vehemently against it) when dd was 11 mo - we had just reached rock bottom where sleep was concerned. However dd has taken to it v well & is a much much better sleeper than she used to be.
I would be wary of doing something that makes your ds vomit though. Have you considered doing cc but going in every 2 mins instead of the 2,4 etc? It's a gentler approach & may be that he doesn't get as scared.
As for co-sleeping - how on earth are you supposed to do that whilst preg & working??!!!
Why does everyone thing co sleeping is the answer?
It doesn't work for every baby!!
The problem is probably escalating because he is upset by your being pregnant, the imminent new arrival and the changes that he has seen you go through. This is VERY, vERY NORMAL and does not mean he will still be relying on you to get to sleep when he goes to school, passes his a levels etc
Seriously - take the path of least resistance, let him be with you - I guarantee you will get far more sleep and he will be far more rested and happier in the day.
Well not guarantee as such but it makes so much more sense than continuing this fight night after night.
I hope you can see your way to letting him have what he needs for a few more weeks/months - once the baby is here, he is likely (in my experience) to calm down massively xxxx
Don't worry about routines and so on
just let it ride
You didn't mention in your OP that you had tried cosleeping and that it wasn't for you. It does work for many many people and that is why it was suggested.
No I don't mean necessarily co sleeping - just put his cot or bed in your room maybe? Or stay with him till he goes to sleep? Whatever it takes.
Look, with kindness, if it's making your child vomit, which you then clear up, then you end up rocking him to sleep anyway then clearly it isn't working for you or him. So you need to reset and find another way.
I recommend a book called the no cry sleep solution which will give you lots of ideas to try. But you have to go gently and consistently. I have every sympathy for you, no sleep is horrible ((hugs))
True, I'm sorry, it just didnt occur to me, as it has never been a viable option for us - although we do it sometimes and just suck up the half hourly wake ups!
Could you try going to bed with him at that time, then getting up once he is asleep?
That's what I do if I need to be up after they are in bed (though usually we all just crash at 9pm...baby included...)
Another vote for the "no cry sleep solution". There are lots of thing you can try, bed sharing and CC are at opposite ends of the scale and there is plenty in between.
I know he is a bit little for it but have you considered moving him to a bed, then you can cuddle up next to him and read/recite him stories. My eldest son hated a cot partly because as we got more sleep deprived he had to properly wake up and scream for us to wake up in the night. When we moved him to a bed he came and found us if he needed us and was often half asleep so he went straight back. When we had problems we recited the same story (Horton hatches the egg) to him repeatedly in a dull voice and he would go to sleep eventually (sometimes 20 times later).
wilson thank you, I do sometimes just rock him to sleep straight away but then I can put him down, go downstairs and stick kettle on, and he is awake and crying in that period of time, and often vomits before I can make it back up the stairs even!
I physically can't rock him anymore though. Am in so much pain with it and sometimes even get stuck with him on my lap because my poor pregnant joints are too stiff to move after 45 mins of rocking! He's a huge 95th centile child, I should add!
How about a big boy bed so it's a fresh start you're a big boy etc?
No sleep is awful. You have all my sympathy!
Is he really crying with 'rage'? Or has he started to fear and dread bedtime/the cot? Is it a panic, hence the level of upset?
There are many many different kinds of sleep encouraging out there between co-sleeping and cc or cio. If you have a partner who will do as much as you, that can help you. Why not try gradual withdrawal - partner soothes baby, makes sure they get into cot not screaming (I assume you don't put ds screaming into the cot in the first place - he's not going to get positive associations from that). Then staying beside him, stroking/cuddling with ds in cot - if it takes partner sleeping alongside the cot for a few nights, or even more, is that so bad?
(I say partner as you are quite pregnant, so it'll be easier for him).
Or try something else - but there are plenty of things to try. I do think once a child has got fearful or panicky associations with being left in a cot upset, then bedtimes and sleep just get harder.
"Why does everyone thing co sleeping is the answer?
It doesn't work for every baby!!"
No- but you could substitute controlled crying for co sleeping. Controlled crying certainly isn't working for the OP........
Have a travel cot downstairs. Settle him by cuddling while you watch quiet TV then pop him in travel cot. Hopefully you'll then be able to transfer him to a cot in your room upstairs. He is very young still and cleaning up vomit is worse than settling downstairs for me. I hope you find something that works, OP.
He's just a baby and wants his mum. Let him sleep in a toddler bed beside your bed so you can all sleep.
I'd pop in a toddler sleeping bag as well so you don't disturb him when transferring him upstairs.
You think an 18 month old is capable of learning to vomit on cue as a learned behaviour?
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