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Teacher has lost DS property(266 Posts)
I need to know if I am right to be furious with a teacher at my ds school?
DS is 16 and for last two weeks has been wearing a small diamond stud to school that belonged to dh back in the day. We (I) found it recently and gave it to DS. I said to DS that he should not wear it because I thought that school policy was gold or silver, but he said that the Head of Year had seen him every day and had not said anything so he assumed that it was okay. Also in two weeks no other teacher (including the Head who he had spoken to for a few minutes) had mentioned it and they are normally pretty hot on uniform issues.
Yesterday DS subject teacher mentioned it and DS said that he thought it was okay because HOY had not said anything. Teacher emailed HOY saying DS had said HOY had said it was okay. HOY went straight to the class and asked him to take it out. No problem with that, but rather than let him keep it in his pocket, bag or whatever she took it and said he would not get it back until Christmas.
I spoke to her yesterday afternoon, apologised for him wearing it and said I would collect it today. She did not sound very happy, telling me it was locked away. I just told her that I would be in first thing this morning to collect it if she could leave it at reception.
She called me at 8.40pm last night to tell me that it has been lost!!!!! Apparently she put it in a sealed envelope and although the envelope is was still sealed the earing was not in it?? That is all I know because her attitude infuriated me even more, she wasn't apologising. I did point out that if she had just let DS keep it then if it had got lost it would have been his responsibility, but as she had chosen to take it then she should have looked after it properly. I asked her to call me back in the morning. I did not want to continue speaking to her as I was so cross I was scared I would say something that I would regret so it was better I calm down.
There are some fantastic teachers at this school who really care about the kids and I have the utmost respect for them. There are some good teachers who teach well, but are rather full of their own self importance and she is one of these. I have little respect for her unfortunately as her behaviour a couple of years ago on a school trip that my other DS went on was less than professional. As it did not affect the safety of the children I have never mentioned it and did not complain, but it made me see her in a totally different light. But I digress.
Am I being unreasonable to think that if you confiscate property then you should at least look after it?
Yes they should.
However, he really shouldn't have been wearing it in the first place. Both you and he knew it was against policy and just because he initially got away with it, he shouldn't have carried on.
So, on the whole, it was a risk he took and he lost.
Yanbu of course. I am not sure what to suggest other than say you will give it x number of days for them to look for it and then make an appointment to discuss. Then let then suggest a solution. It's tricky as Yes they are responsible but they shouldn't be put in that position as children shouldn't take valuable items in. I am not sure how I wood deal with this . How much do you think its worth?
"So, on the whole, it was a risk he took and he lost."
Shame it wasn't kept safe, but that's the risk.
What nanny said. Mistakes on both sides here. Kids shouldn't take anything of value to school.
Oh dear. He's 16. Old enough to get married and go off to war. He needs to deal with this, not you. Step back.
Btw - school said he couldn't get it back till Xmas - you were out of order imo to say you were going to collect it.
Darn phone. I meant would not wood!
"Btw - school said he couldn't get it back till Xmas -"
That's a point-maybe not really lost & will turn up at end of term?
I don't understand why he was wearing it in the first place tbh. You both knew it wasn't allowed. I'm assuming it's an earring which are of course tiny and bound to have got lost even in your ds's bag.
Of course she shoulda taken more care but ultimately you took the risk of it going missing the second you let him wear it.
I don't know how it got out a sealed envelope though. That doesn't add up
They took responsibility for the stud when they confiscated it. The circumstances are irrelevant. They have been negligent.
Report it immediately to HT - there will be local authority insurance in place.
Hard lesson for him to learn but he knew the rules.
I think you are in the right. Yes ok you/he shouldn't have had it in school but as it was in the teachers care when it got lost I'd be asking them to claim under the schools insurance policy.
He shouldn't have worn it but they took responsibility for it when they confiscated it. Why not just tell him to take it out?
'I don't know how it got out a sealed envelope though. That doesn't add up '
If you put something small in a lick and stick envelope, it often falls out of a top corner that isn't sealed properly.
Which is why I sellotape children's teeth lost at school to a piece of card before enveloping them, one traumatised child is enough.
YANBU, if something is confiscated, it's the teacher's responsibility to keep it safe.
She should have either told ds to take it out and put it in his bag, thus leaving the responsibility with him, or made sure she looked after it if she wanted to confiscate it. As she chose to take it the responsibility is on her to keep it safe.
I agree with PurpleRayne - as soon as the teachers took the decision to confiscate it, it became their responsibility to look after it irrespective of dress codes etc. If they lost it, they must replace it.
He assumed he'd got away with breaking the rule simply because he wasn't actually caught. Bit foolish.
YANBU to think they they should have looked after it if they confiscated it, but if they have the envelope and not the stud then it's probably just one if those things and there's no one who is directly at fault that you can blame.
It was the risk you took when you allowed your ds to wear jewellery to school. Because you shouldn't have allowed him to wear it in the first place, I don't think you are in any position to have a complaint taken seriously.
Mixed bag of responses. I totally understand the points made that DS should not have been wearing it. He shouldn't (there is a saying something about ass made a fool out of u and me if you just assume something). I get that and take it on board. However, I do also think that if you confiscate something then you should look after it and I don't feel that just because he should not have been wearing it then it is okay for her to have lost it.
If DS had lost it then his problem totally, but he didn't and did she really need to take it from home or just tell him to take it out and if she saw it again she would take it.
I think it is a good job that I said I would go in and collect it, otherwise when Christmas came there would be no chance of it being found.
Its really sad its lost but You both knew he shouldnt have been wearing it in the first place.
What do you want to happen? It's been lost because it wasn't allowed anyway, won't their disclaimer saying they're not responsible for belongings cover it? She would of course have been better giving it to ds, but she didn't and its lost. I'd want her to at least be a bit sympathetic rather than defensive though.
YANBU fair enough if he had lost it its his fault and he shouldn't of worn it, but that teacher has lost it, it was her responsibility to keep it safe and she has failed to do so, TBH I'm getting sick of teachers who think they are something they're not, my DS also 16, got called a thug just last week as a teacher accused him of throwing a wine gum DS didn't even see said wine gum
and wouldn't have any on him anyway cos he's diabetic and told her so, teacher wouldnt let my son eat his lunch, called him a thug and the boy who threw the wine gum owned up but said teacher wouldn't offer an apology to my DS
Stick to your guns I say
You say that if your ds lost it then that would have been his problem, but from a teachers perspective you could just as easily blame her if she made him take it out and then he lost it.
Parents blame teachers either way, they can't win.
If they still have the envelope, it's clear that it wasn't lost carelessly or deliberately.
You won't achieve anything except annoyed teachers if you make a fuss over this. If they find it they will return it whether you make a fuss or not, and the ultimate responsibility has to lie with your ds and you because it shouldn't have been in school in the first place.
Not sure why you'd want to show your child that you should ride above the rules by getting it earlier?
Was it a real diamond or a cubic zirconia?? Is a tiny stud worth making a fuss over? I think it's just a consequence of wearing it when he shouldn't.
I'd be a bit narked about the lateish phonecall and attitude from the teacher but ho hum - i would chalk it up
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