To offer to have the dd after school or keep my nose out.

(60 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Thu 14-Nov-13 11:55:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EldritchCleavage Thu 14-Nov-13 11:57:02

Call SS. This really is not appropriate-the mother should still be paying for a childminder or simply giving the poor child a key to her own house. Sounds weird, unkind and wrong.

Helpyourself Thu 14-Nov-13 11:58:31

That's bizarre.
Any idea why? Is it a travelling home problem or being alone in the house problem?

HouseAtreides Thu 14-Nov-13 11:59:44

Poor girl sad Why the hell doesn't her mum just give her a key?

Isildur Thu 14-Nov-13 11:59:50

Gosh that sounds odd.

I know you said the staff moan at her, but are you sure she isn't related to, or a friend of theirs?

That's the only way I can see the girl being able to brazen it out from 3-8.30pm. They might moan at her, but she and they are comfortable enough with each other for it to be OK, if you see what I mean.

Otherwise they'd surely just chuck her out? Are you sure she's there all the time?

Offer to have her if you're sure you can commit to it long term, but there must be a reason why she isn't allowed a key, or doesn't go to the library.

grendel Thu 14-Nov-13 12:02:50

Poor girl, that sounds really miserable for her. Seems a bit of a strange arrangement for her mother to have made, there's possibly more to it than meets the eye.
Most secondary schools have a range of clubs or study/homework zones where children can stay after school for at least an hour or you can't help wondering why mother and daughter thought that sitting in a cafe for 5 hours was a better choice.

Anyway as the parent of a DD of a similar age I would be delighted if a nice neighbour offered to let my DD stay at their house until I got home.

How well do you know the mother? She may well take offence at your implied criticism of her arrangements, but I think it would be nice to offer anyway.

Mylovelyboy Thu 14-Nov-13 12:05:37

Blimey that is NOT ok. Poor kid. And nice of you........for being concerned. It seems like the mother of this child does not give a toss. Wonder why the kid is not allowed a key. I can see your worry and you want to help but I think in you getting involved might be a mistake. Once you start offering to take this child in then more responsibility could be placed on you than you think. Could you not have a word with the mother in a diplomatic way.

Chippednailvarnish Thu 14-Nov-13 12:07:43

Contact her school and tell them. It sounds controlling and neglectful to leave her without anywhere to go and with no money.

moldingsunbeams Thu 14-Nov-13 12:10:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mylovelyboy Thu 14-Nov-13 12:12:34

Chip Once the child has left the school at 2.30pm then the child is not the schools responsibility. The girl is 13. But in saying that. She should not be left to sit in a café for hours on end waiting for the bastard mother to get home. Its not on, poor kid must feel really awful. And its cold and dark out early now sad

GetOrfGetStuffed Thu 14-Nov-13 12:13:08

That is utterly disgraceful. She is sometimes there until 8.30? What is wrong with the mother and why doesn't she give her a key?

That poor kid, it sounds utterly miserable.

I don't normally say such things but I would call SS and hopefully they can give her a call to say what she is doing is crap.

moldingsunbeams Thu 14-Nov-13 12:14:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhostsInSnow Thu 14-Nov-13 12:16:47

horrible, and I can't think of any reason why if a kid is deemed responsible enough to sit alone in a cafe until 8.30pm she isn't responsible for a key.

Both mine had a key at that age (though with DD it came with specific warning not to touch the stove because frankly her head is in the shed most of the time). I feel so sorry for this girl.

sheeplikessleep Thu 14-Nov-13 12:16:52

Poor girl sad

GetOrfGetStuffed Thu 14-Nov-13 12:18:57

Oh that sounds just bloody so sad all round. Poor kid.

My daughter had a key at that age (had a key from 11 in fact). They are perfectly trustable at that age. Plus it's her house. How horrible to sit in a cafe and feel awkward because she is not eating anything and the cafe owners want her gone.

Miserable godforsaken mother. What is she thinking?

moldingsunbeams Thu 14-Nov-13 12:20:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Thu 14-Nov-13 12:28:45

Another one here who says ring SS

And I never EVER screech that, but my god the poor kid. not on at all and the Mum needs to be told its not acceptable.

GetOrfGetStuffed Thu 14-Nov-13 12:29:21

Could you have a word with the mother and ask why she doesn't have a key. I don't know how well you know her or want to get involved though.

Poor kid. I don't know what her mother is thinking, it's completely inappropriate for her to be out for hours and hours, especially in this weather. It's so bloody uncaring.

KippyVonKipperson Thu 14-Nov-13 12:30:11

I really think you need to speak to the school about this, it's so unfair on the girl and she's not being looked after properly. You could offer to look after her but I wouldn't as her mother sounds like she has a very odd idea about what is reasonable, you might get into something you can't get out of. The school would want to know about this I'm sure. Like others have suggested you could speak to SS but I think the school would be the first place to start and take it from there.

GetOrfGetStuffed Thu 14-Nov-13 12:31:46

Yes, I think SS as well. It sounds a bit sledgehammer to crack a nut, but leaving her in the streets like this with nowhere to go is neglect isn't it?

Plus she can hardly be a reasonable woman, nobody in their right mind would leave their kid like that without even letting her in her own house.

You sound very kind OP but personally I probably wouldn't offer to look after her just yet, but go through proper channels.

Pancakeflipper Thu 14-Nov-13 12:32:02

Poor child. Surely it's safer for her to have a key and go home than be hanging around for hours especially as its getting dark early.

BarbarianMum Thu 14-Nov-13 12:33:21

Please don't keep your nose out.

Leaving a 13 year old vulnerable and unfed (which is basically what she is) between 2.30 and 6pm each night is neglect.

In your situation I'd speak to the school (she's not their responsibility after 2.30pm but they are responsible for acting on concerns about her welfare in and out of school) or ring the NSPCC for advice.

You could speak to her mum, but you'd still need to do something if she brushes you off.

If you offer to have her at yours, that's lovely but for how long? What if her mum doesn't give her a key til age 16?

EldritchCleavage Thu 14-Nov-13 12:33:59

I wonder why on earth the girl can't have a key? It's so simple a solution, one wonders what on earth would be the problem. The mother is not being at all sensible.

ICameOnTheJitney Thu 14-Nov-13 12:36:12

You should first speak to the Mother to ask if you can help out...make it known that you don't want payment unless you'd like her to maybe offer something for the girls' meal....but then you can give her pasta or something at very little cost to yourself. If the Mother refuses, then you need to tell the school.

The girl is vulnerable sitting in a public place alone so regularly.

EldritchCleavage Thu 14-Nov-13 12:41:17

The problem with helping is that it would be quite a burden on the OP,and it could serve to disguise real problems at home or in the relationship with the mother that might need to be resolved.

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