to be tired of people excusing their rudeness by saying

(73 Posts)
samandi Thu 14-Nov-13 11:09:09

"I'm just being direct", "I'm just being authentic" or "provocative", "trying to make people think" etc. etc. ... no, you're not, you're just being a twat. There are very good reasons why qualities such as tact and politeness exist, and you don't have to be rude to be sincere or pose thoughtful questions.

Glenshee Thu 14-Nov-13 11:16:37

It's often people on autistic spectrum that think this way, because they can't relate to other people's feelings. So for them the being 'authentic' thing is real, but hurting someone by being rude is not. They are unaware of the impact, or genuinely think of it as unimportant.

Also "no offence but..." I stop listening after someone starts their sentence with that.

And FFS being a twat doesn't mean someone is autistic.

angelos02 Thu 14-Nov-13 11:21:00

YY. Also 'I'm not being funny but...'

sandfrog Thu 14-Nov-13 11:21:33

It's hard to say whether YABU without any examples to go on. Sometimes directness is a good thing, sometimes not.

Anchoress Thu 14-Nov-13 11:22:10

Closely followed by 'I'm not being racist, but...'

revenge yy, 'I'm not being funny, but...' actually you are being funny. Shut up.
'I'm not a racist, but...' hmm

Dobbiesmum Thu 14-Nov-13 11:23:07

Or "I just tell it like it is". Yes, because you are an arse...

Cool cross post; great minds and all that

sandfrog Thu 14-Nov-13 11:23:57

I don't like people dropping veiled hints, when they could say what they think, though. If you have something to say, just say it plainly or not at all.

samandi Thu 14-Nov-13 11:24:03

Hm, I suppose it could be the case with autistic people but those I'm thinking of I wouldn't have put down as autistic.

I think the thing that irritates me most is the implication that because I'm generally polite (in real life at least :-)) I'm not being sincere or honest, or thinking particularly deeply about things. You don't have to be controversial and annoying all the time to be thoughtful.

sandfrog Thu 14-Nov-13 11:25:01

I see what you're saying. I have had the same thing. You're not confrontational and bitchy so people can't believe you're "genuine".

Rooners Thu 14-Nov-13 11:28:26

Many people on the spectrum have extremely good coping skills which include ways not to be rude to other people.

A lot of the time you cannot tell if someone has an ASD.

I'm not even sure how any of that is relevant to the discussion.

Feminine Thu 14-Nov-13 11:29:29

I agree with you op

I've had too examples of this recently. Firstly my own Mother, stated" I speak as I find" while she was kindly pointing out that she disagreed with a SN diagnosis that my younger son has.

Yes, he was just doing this particular thing to wind her up apparently confused

My Step- Mother, then said "I'm not being horrible but..." and then launched in to the most alarming racist comment I've heard in long time!

pianodoodle Thu 14-Nov-13 11:32:55

"I speak my mind" = "I have no control over whatever garbage comes out of my mouth."

"I tell it like it is" = "I'm an idiot"


Callani Thu 14-Nov-13 11:32:58

This drives me MAD.

"I'm just telling it like it is..." Actually, you're not, you're telling it how you PERCEIVE it to be in your world of rudeness, most of us live in a nicer place.

The worst I had was when (at 21, in a new city, barely knowing anyone) a male acquaintance told me "you're really nice and interesting and all, but if you ever want a bloke to stick with you, you need to get a boob job"!!! Worst thing was, he thought he was being genuinely helpful... some people.

Davsmum Thu 14-Nov-13 11:35:37

I wouldn't try to excuse what I say. If I say something I mean it so no excuses necessary. ;-)

SoupDragon Thu 14-Nov-13 11:36:26

It's often people on autistic spectrum that think this way

People on the autistic spectum may often think this way.
However, it is often people who are rude twats who think this way.

samandi Thu 14-Nov-13 11:36:27

Callani - exactly, people who speak as though they are the sole arbiters of what is "FACT".

DrSeuss Thu 14-Nov-13 11:39:24

My late mother was not autistic, she was just very self centered. She often excused rudeness on her part in this way. However, everyone else had to be ultra polite to her and never reveal what they thought or risk a tantrum. If you want to be blunt, expect bluntness in return.

Dobbiesmum Thu 14-Nov-13 11:39:42

DS is on the Autistic Spectrum. He thinks that way quite a lot, however he doesn't actually say it, at least not to a persons face! He stores it up and lets loose when we're home...

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 14-Nov-13 11:40:29


DoTheStrand Thu 14-Nov-13 11:47:30

What I find most annoying is that the people who 'tell it like it is' often turn out to be the most fragile little flowers if you return the favour. I bite my tongue a lot with certain friends who either try to be deliberately provocative or just never think before speaking, as I know from experience they are most likely to burst into tears if I decide to 'tell it like it is' to them.

IamGluezilla Thu 14-Nov-13 11:47:31

There are very good reasons why qualities such as tact and politeness exist, and you don't have to be rude to be sincere or pose thoughtful questions.

This is true.... But so many people who are focused on politeness and tact also do really come across as passive aggressive, or weasely. The classic is answering "I don't mind" when asked where they want to go. For me that isn't polite: it is PA and drippy.

pianodoodle Thu 14-Nov-13 11:57:08

"Oh you're just taking exception to my outspoken views because I'm old"

No, John McCririck, no.

It's because you're a vile obnoxious arsehole.

The panel has spoken grin

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