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to think weddings are a rip off?

(74 Posts)
KissMyStardust Wed 13-Nov-13 22:14:45

£3.50 for chair covers?! £400 for a harpist for a 20 minute ceremony?!

These things were the final straw today, the costs are actually making me feel sick. Its not even value for money. I refuse to buy in to this industry. But in laws (to be) think im being unreasonable as, apparently, we must have this, that and the next thing - what is a going away outfit anyway?! Thing is, it is the in laws that wish to fund all this but I still can't bring myself to spend such massive amounts of money, even if its not mine.

byanymeans Thu 14-Nov-13 21:16:22

I married the man of my dreams this summer, in my favour (8yr old) skirt, a primark top and topshop £25 jacket. Holding a my hand made bouquet we had made over pizza the night before in our favourt town. We got married, walked to pub, then sainsburys, got picnic food and enjoyed the day.
We never seem to have money, we would never have able to keep everyone happy. So we chose to just a have a great day, fun relaxed and please ourselves for the one day. It was amazing.
What Im trying to say is if YOU BOTH want chair covers or a harpest then its worth the money, if its not going make a difference to you dont let other people include it in your day.

mumaa Thu 14-Nov-13 20:40:47

Its up to the couple involved but I'd be gutted if I spent tens of thousands of pounds on one day, that's one of the reasons we eloped.

you don't have to have anything other than what you want. Each to their own but if you think its a lot for certain items or you wouldn't spend the money if it was your purse then you are entirely right to say its not what you want.

Everyone has a different idea as to what a wedding should be, my friend actually ended up lying to her DM over her wedding, saying she had ordered things just to keep her quiet, when in fact she didn't want them. Cue a rather confused mother of the bride on the day "where are you chair covers?" hmm

Xmasbaby11 Thu 14-Nov-13 20:27:37

I agree - it is sooo expensive!

I do understand why the harpist, etc cost a lot - we were very happy with ours as the atmosphere was beautiful and live music is something special, worth paying for IMO.

It's the overpriced alcohol that got me!

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt Thu 14-Nov-13 20:26:01

We got married a couple of weeks ago. It cost a fairly large amount, and we had help from my mum and DH's parents.

We chose to spend money on the things important to us - food, a free bar and a jukebox. And they're the things that everyone enjoyed and commented on.

Nobody mentioned the fact we'd scrimped by having a register office marriage, a one hour only photographer and no bloody chair covers!

DanceWithAStranger Thu 14-Nov-13 20:24:33

Kiss, you haven't said anything about your DP's feelings about all this. Does he want the big wedding? If not, why isn't he speaking to ILs, not you? If so, have you talked to him about how you feel and how much it's stressing you out?

Shonajoy Thu 14-Nov-13 20:12:38

Listen to your gut. We did ours then dinner in merchant city for smaller amount of 55. Bar bill included they drank a lot, was £1500. So our wedding cost £2,200 21 years ago.

KissMyStardust Well done for speaking to ILs.

Ignore FILs huff. However, even though he is probably going the wrong way about it, maybe he just wants to feel involved. Is there something you wouldnt mind him taking control of? Cars perhaps?

KissMyStardust Thu 14-Nov-13 19:36:08

Minnie - i posted here to vent my feelings pre speaking to ils.

i see what people are saying about why chair covers and harpist may cost - fine if you have the money but in day to day life me and dp have a tight budget so to spend so much money on these things makes me feel ill.

I have spoken to ILs. MIL is lovely about it, just wanting us to enjoy the day but FIL has taken huff. Even when I told him i was stressed to the point of feeling ill he said that of course you get stressed planning wedding, no matter how you do it.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Thu 14-Nov-13 17:25:56

Without wishing to sound snippy (merely curious) why are you telling us all this not them?

I had a big white affair but we worked out what would be important to us and budgeted for it. It's not really different than a birthday. You could have fireworks for that. You just don't usually.

Work out together what you want and tell them together.

EldritchCleavage Thu 14-Nov-13 16:58:15

Lots of people will probably say pick your battles, but the problem with that is the constant small-ish issues that are tempting to let go will add up to a day that is not what you want and makes you feel alienated from your own celebration.

Could you get your DP to speak to them, after you have both sat down an set out the things you do want? Bear in mind this may mean paying for it yourself.

I really would draw the line at chair covers and harpists. My favourite wedding crap discovery when I was planning ours was special knives for cutting the cake at the bargain price of £70. I think wedding 'favours' (since when are they called that?) are a bag of shite as well.

ocelot41 Thu 14-Nov-13 16:14:36

YADNU. You are in danger of being pushed into having a day you don't want to: perhaps your in laws are trying to 'treat' you or perhaps they are trying to control things. But the bottom line is you aren't comfortable with this, and this is your bloody day!

We got married on a cliff top in Scotland (my family are from the English side of the border - just) specifically because the person is licensed and not the place, which keeps a lot of the wedding racket within limits, as there are no restrictions on the 'venues' you can choose.

MostWicked Thu 14-Nov-13 16:05:41

Most weddings make me want to vomit.
By the time all the plans are complete, the marriage has been forgotten.

PestoPeachissimos Thu 14-Nov-13 14:20:06

They don't have to be a rip off.
It doesn't cost much to get married at your local Registry office. We did that, had a meal afterwards with our Best Man & Best Woman, job done!

harticus Thu 14-Nov-13 14:11:50

YANBU
It isn't compulsory to buy into all of this wedding bullshit.
Incredibly silly money is spent on utter tat.

sandfrog Thu 14-Nov-13 13:58:06

Agree the harpist will have many more expenses than just sitting down to play. Hours of practice, buying music, travel etc. (No, I'm not a harpist!)

But in general no, weddings don't have to be expensive if you don't want them to be.

YANBU. I am planning my wedding at the minute. Was shocked by the prices of 'must have' wedding items.

In the end we got offered use of the place where best man works. Not exactly a wedding venue, however I am past that & now think its lovely.

Have had lots of help and ideas planning it. We are on a tiny budget, & have had to rethink that a few times ( budgets gone down a bit due to realism)

I cant wait! We are doing most things DIY.

PS YY to bloody chair covers being a waste of money

Kerosene Thu 14-Nov-13 08:51:09

It's up to you how much you buy into it all - the idea of spending a quarter of his salary on a fucking ring makes me nauseous (does anyone actually do this, or is it one of those wedding magazine/DeBeers marketing campaign things?) TBQH, a quarter of your salary on the wedding in total is a bit overmuch. Throw a party that you'll enjoy, not one other people think you should have even if it's grim.
(which is to say, if you're the kind of woman that enjoys the stately home/croquet lawn/string quartet/humongous dress - if that's what you'd choose even if the media were pushing pub function rooms and celebrities were all having registry office weddings - good on you for knowing your own mind and rock on with your bad self)

My friend's tolerance for wedding gouging broke when she was quoted some thousands for use of the chandeliers, and I remember a cousin fully weeping on her wedding day because someone broke a vase and the cost of replacing it was more than her rent. I'm quite glad we had an overseas wedding that I organised (rather than going through a company) - we avoided a lot of the assumptions you get in British hotels, even if it meant my mum's wedding faff was focused rather oddly - there was considerable flailing over Special Wedding Umbrellas They've Got To Be Special It's Your Wedding.
You can get far with 'ooh, I'm sure it's lovely, but it's just Not Very Us, so we'll just keep on with Plan A', repeated often enough - particularly if you can say 'we don't really know what to do about <thing you don't care two hoots about>, what do you think?'

fluffyraggies Thu 14-Nov-13 08:44:45

trills are you a harpist by any chance? grin

(i agree with your point by the way)

chalkythecat Thu 14-Nov-13 08:42:23

You do have a choice.

I have a friend who runs a chair cover business and works her finger to the bone. She doesn't earn a lot of money. All those chair covers are transported (petrol £££), carried into the venue (heavy), pimped and preened (dull!), taken down (dull), carried out of the venue (heavy) probably on a Sunday (unsociable), transported back (petrol £££), laundered (£££ and dull), packed away (dull). This is why chair covers cost £3.50.

I'm a florist and flowers are expensive but you don't have to spend £2.5k on flowers. £100 doesn't go very far but I am a magician and it will look 500 times better than a Tesco special. Hopefully you will only get married once so I would advise brides not to be a total scrooge...

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Thu 14-Nov-13 08:40:50

YANBU. Ditch the chair covers - surprisingly they don't disguise the fact that the chairs are, in fact, chairs and are just a new way to make money from people. TBH if I were you, and I was you, I'd cancel the whole thing as struggling did and rebook on your terms. The only bit that matters is that you're getting married. The rest is froth.

loopdaloo Thu 14-Nov-13 08:38:50

Weddings can be as cheap or expensive as you like! I got chair covers for 99p each, bought reduced Christmas chocolates for favours, made my own invites, dh did a fabulous buffet to go alongside a hog roast, made the bouquets with artificial flowers bought wholesale. We didn't skimp on anything but I hunted for the best price for everything! We splurged on the venue as it was amazing and on the entertainment but there are always bargains to be found! I was lucky in the fact my parents funded it and the only thing they insisted onwas prosecco for toasts, bought on special offer months before!

OneLittleToddleTerror Thu 14-Nov-13 08:30:42

YANBU. It's your wedding, your day. We did it at the registry with just family, and have a meal afterwards. That would suit what you say about the pub thing. Invite all your family to the registry and then have a big pub reception? DH and I both feel the money is better spent on a deposit of a house.

struggling100 Thu 14-Nov-13 08:29:13

Because we had similar stresses, my husband cancelled our planned (and more elaborate/expensive wedding). When we got married, we did it very simply, and we didn't tell the in laws until a week beforehand. It significantly cut down on the hassle. I think they were disappointed, but it made it 'our' day again.

Trills Thu 14-Nov-13 08:26:00

How much do you think it costs to buy a harp, keep it maintained and tuned, travel with it somewhere, turn down other offers that afternoon?

If you don't want a harp £400-worth of wanting, then don't have a harp. But don't complain that "20 minutes of harp" costs a lot of money. It's not just 20 minutes.

olgaga Thu 14-Nov-13 08:09:26

What does your DP want/think about it? Is it because they've spent the same kind of money on siblings' weddings and want to treat them all equally?

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