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AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

(362 Posts)
navada Wed 13-Nov-13 16:57:41

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

xCupidStuntx Wed 13-Nov-13 17:00:08

It's your mother's house to do what she wants with it!! Hate people talking about "what they'll get" when someone dies!!

Floralnomad Wed 13-Nov-13 17:00:56

It's your mothers house so she can do what she wants YABVU. Why not just tell her how angry you are and maybe she will leave your share to your brother !

Lilithmoon Wed 13-Nov-13 17:01:53

Quite CupidStunt. OP your post is incredibly entitled.

CuthbertDibble Wed 13-Nov-13 17:02:35

Can you charge him rent or let out some of the other rooms?

Navada, unless there is some vital life-changing information that you have left out of your OP, YABVVVU.

simpleth1ngs Wed 13-Nov-13 17:04:15

How are your and your other siblings' financial situations?

Your mother isn't being unreasonable, but I sort of agree your brother would be, if he's living in a huge, expensive house alone whilst his siblings and their families rent cramped places.

Preciousbane Wed 13-Nov-13 17:04:25

I suppose if your DM ended up needing care in a nursing home the fact that your brother lives in the house would mean it would not have to be sold to pay for care.

Have you actually seen the will? I say never rely on an inheritance as surely that way lies misery. My friends Dad remarried so she got nothing when he died. There are just too many permutations with inheriting money.

froubylou Wed 13-Nov-13 17:04:35

I would leave your share to the cats home if you were my daughter.

Entitled much?

CissyMeldrum Wed 13-Nov-13 17:05:08

YABVVVVVVVU and mean and horrible ,just be grateful she is not leaving it the local cats home.
Oh and you do realise that your mother will be dead for you to get anything .

Pigsmummy Wed 13-Nov-13 17:05:35

Well surely the situation hasn't changed? Your DM is living in her own, is alive and when she pops her clogs your inheritance is a equal share with your siblings?

How do you know that your brother will still be there when this happens and how do you know that your DM will still be in the home? Could you try to enjoy your DM whilst she is alive rather thinking about how much cash you get when she dies?

joydivisionovengloves Wed 13-Nov-13 17:05:49

YABVU. Her house, her money, her choice.

LouiseAderyn Wed 13-Nov-13 17:06:06

I think it's unfair too. He could stay there forever, which isn't right really.

Can you talk to your mum and discuss the possibility of imposing a tine limit? He would be able to afford to move out if he had his fair share from the house sale. It is unreasonable that he gets everyone's share too.

I would think you could contest a will which is markedly unfair.

It would only be right for him to get this if he had given up his home to care for your mum, which I'm presuming is not the case.

DottyboutDots Wed 13-Nov-13 17:06:50

This is another subject that MN and RL don't converge. OP I feel your pain but at least think that if the shoe was on the other foot, your mother would have put you above your other siblings. Anyway, it might never happen and it's not worth being angry over.

Sibling rivalry never goes away, it seems.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 13-Nov-13 17:09:24

Yabu and greedy and nasty.

Your mother is not dead yet and she can give her stuff to who ever she wants.

If you were my child and raised this with me I would leave you nothing.

Take a deep breath and think about a sensible argument for your mother about why this feels hurtful. You shouldn't automatically feel entitled, but it is an obvious assumption, and even your mother has (kind of) gone along with that idea by leaving it to all of you.

Would quarter of the house value be enough to buy your brother somewhere to live in the area? If not, what do you think would be a loving way for your mother to proceed? Presumably your brother lost his home when his marriage broke up, and he is paying maintenance, so buying himself a house has never been a realistic possibility, whereas I'd guess you and your other siblings have homes and spouses?

I agree it is not fair, but neither is him being homeless or stuck in a bedsit.

squeakytoy Wed 13-Nov-13 17:09:37

you "hate" them? really?

I can understand you thinking it is unfair, but to actually hate them because of something that hasnt actually happened yet is incredulous.

headoverheels Wed 13-Nov-13 17:09:58

OP, your mum just wants to make sure your brother isn't left homeless. It seems reasonable to me.

Anyway, I don't know how old your mum is and what her health is like, but assuming she's in her 70s / 80s (?) then she may live for another 20 odd years by which time your brother may not be living with her any more.

AdoraBell Chile Wed 13-Nov-13 17:10:11

Glad your are not my sibling OP.

YABU as your DM can do as she pleases with her estate, whether that pleases the family or not.

Famzilla Wed 13-Nov-13 17:10:53

YABVU. Even my brother ( who is the most self absorbed brat on the planet ) wouldn't be stamping his feet if I still had a roof over my head when my parents died. You sound utterly horrid and entitled, I really hope there's a massive drip feed coming because it saddens me that there's people who think like this so openly.

LittlePeaPod England Wed 13-Nov-13 17:10:56

Wow... Can't believe how morbid this is. You are angry about your mothers will. FFS, get a grip! It's her house, her money, her choice. She could leave the house to the dog, cat sanctuary or whomever she wants.

You sound like a spoilt child and very entitled.

navada Wed 13-Nov-13 17:11:09

The only info I have left out is that my brother has a girlfriend with a big house of her own - why can't he go & live with her when my mum dies? he spends half the week with her as it is, but doesn't want to live with her full-time. So basically, I'll never see my inheritance just because my lazy arsed selfish brother wants some where to go so he can have a 'break' from her. angry

Icelollycraving Wed 13-Nov-13 17:11:33

Is this for real? I cannot understand all the talk of valuing her house etc. Perhaps she appreciates him keeping her company,maybe he helps with the maintenance & upkeep of the house. Really though,suck it up,yabvu.
Your mother isn't dead,appreciate that.

YABU and selfish.

candycoatedwaterdrops Wed 13-Nov-13 17:11:49

You hate them? Gosh, you sound lovely! YABU btw!

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