about my boss telling her friend that I am pregnant?(28 Posts)
To give you some background info as it's a bit complicated….and sorry in advance as this is going to be long!
I work for a small family company where the two main business partners (both my bosses) are a married couple - lets call them Wayne and Penny.
One of the guys who works in our office (though not for the same company) is engaged to Penny's best friend. - Lets call them John and Nicola. (I should note I have met Nicola maybe 4 times when she has popped into our office to say hi to either Penny or John - I wouldn't say I know her as such)
DH and I have just been through our 1st cycle of IVF after 4 years TTC and are very lucky to have got a BFP result a week ago. (Making me 5 weeks pregnant)
Wayne and Penny have been very supportive as they also had IVF at the same place and now have a child as a result. I have been totally open and honest about all of our treatment and they basically know every little detail and obviously know I am now in the very early stages of pregnancy. They are very excited and happy for me, which is lovely.
However I have only told them as they have experience of it themselves and it would have been difficult to explain why I needed so much time off. I would rather nobody knew at this stage to be honest.
I have made it clear to them that we are not even telling family or friends yet, and that it is literally them and 2 of my closest friends that know and that's it for now. I said I do not want to tell anyone else at work yet as there is no need for anyone else to know. (Job is sitting at a desk, no lifting, being on feet or anything strenuous)
I am good friends with 'John' from my office, we talk a lot at work, go to lunch together sometimes and talk outside of work occasionally, just general chit chat stuff. I chose to tell him about our treatment as he is a good friend and I trust him and he would have wondered why I wasn't at work while I was having the treatment. Obviously I told him I got a BFP and asked him to keep quiet as I am very nervous and scared of things going wrong at the moment and he has been a great support through all of it.
Anyway, Penny went for a 'girls night' with Nicola over the weekend and told Nicola that I am pregnant. Nicola then questioned John saying 'I didn't know Keepthechange was pregnant' to which he replied, yes but it's not common knowledge so keep it to yourself type thing.
Now, I'm not sure if IABU to feel quite upset/angry about this. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter - as I said I don't really know Nicola, so it's not like news of my pregnancy is going to get back to any of my family or friends through her even if she does say something, but I just feel very vulnerable and scared at the minute - I don't feel comfortable saying 'I'm pregnant' or accepting congratulations at the minute, at least until I've had a viability scan in 2 weeks.
I just feel really uncomfortable that 2 people were talking about me and my private circumstances on their night out.
And surely Penny knows that if I don't even feel ready to share this with my family and friends then it's not exactly news to be telling anyone and everyone?!
I just can't understand why Penny felt the need to tell Nicola, when it has nothing to do with her, doesn't affect her in any way and she barely knows me, other than something to gossip about - especially when I had literally just POAS a few days before!
Apart from anything else, Penny can't have known that I had told John, so surely she knew it would get back to him!
I just feel like I can't trust her now and don't know how to approach this! (Bit awkward as I sit next to her)
I want to make it clear that I am not happy that she has told one of her mates (for no apparent reason) and that I do not want anyone else to know.
Should I speak to her directly about it and ask her why she told Nicola?
(Though can't really see myself doing that as I'm not very good at being assertive like that)
Should I speak to Wayne instead and say it's made me uncomfortable?
I was thinking of either asking to speak to them both in private (or maybe emailing them as they don't always work in the office) and saying something like 'Just to be clear, I am not comfortable sharing this news yet, please do not tell anyone….can you let me know if you have already disclosed this to anyone' (which gives her a chance to admit she has told Nicola) - they may have told the other business partner (they told him I was going for treatment before letting me know they had told him) as he 'needed to know' from a business point of view apparently.
Sorry for the massively long post, I just need a bit of perspective as to whether I'm being daft for feeling quite angry and upset about it, and what anybody would advise the best way to approach them about this would be.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Could Nicola be looking at IVF herself and it was a slip of the tongue that penny told her that you both had success at a certain clinic.
I know she betrayed your trust ... But in many ways she's been amazing and you should focus on that. Those who've done ivf whilst keeping it secret from work or without an understanding boss have had extra stress to deal with. You are emotional (been there got the T-shirt) and yes what she did was wrong but don't focus on this to the detriment of your work relationship. It's a mega stressful time - and you may find you have a whole 9 months of never relaxing and feeling "safe" (hope not tho) so find some other way to focus/divert your energy.
OP I agree with the other you are totally over thinking this, and need to let it go.
Pregnancy is good news, and fundamentally people like sharing good news, your boss letting this slip to her friend will not have been done maliciously, the chances are high that she is just very happy for you and she most likely thought she was sharing it with someone who already knew.
In the long run this will not matter.
Congratulations on you pregnancy.
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