To have reported this woman for harassment in the work place?

(127 Posts)
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 10-Nov-13 19:27:07

Dh and I have not been married for long. I am protestant and he is Catholic. Most people were happy for us and didn't give a shit about the cultural differences between us, only cared that we were happy togther, which we most definitely are.

There is this one woman who I work with who is very against "mixed religion" relationships. She wouldn't come to our wedding because it was against her beliefs, and she told us so. Fine, that's her choice and doesn't really affect me.

When work colleagues congratulated me on our marriage she would roll her eyes, tut, raise her eyebrows and generally just behave like a bored toddler. Didn't bother me because I had more bloody important things to worry about that her childish behaviour.

On friday though, she said something that, in my opinion, was bang out of order and downright rude. Another colleague who I am very friendly was telling me about her daughter's christening that is coming up shortly. She was telling me all the details of it; lovely church, nice godparents etc, and I told her how lovely it all sounded. Other colleague, who wasn't even involved in our discussion asked me "How are you going to christen your ds if you are different religion?" I politely told her that we have decided not to christen our son and let him choose to do so himself when he is older, if that's what he wants. She then starts telling me that it was "evil to do this to ds as he needs to be saved" hmm

Cue me asking her what business is it off hers to judge how Dh and I raise our child, this was not appropriate and could she please stop. Only she wouldn't stop. She went as far to tell me that my marriage was "sinful"!

I can't believe someone say say such horrible, inappropriate things to someone else.

Was IU for reporting her to our manager for harassment? Ok, I know I wasn't but I still feel a bit "bad" for it.

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 19:53:40

I am Catholic & married to Protestant. She sounds fucking nutty to me YADNBU

Duckegg80 Sun 10-Nov-13 19:57:38

I'm Irish and that's not an attitude I've come across in many years. No one I know would care one bit, my cousin is Catholic and married her Protestant husband in, shock horror, his Church. Our whole family attended and no one batted an eyelid. I'm glad you reported that woman, it's embarrassing some people still go on that way.

Duckegg80 Sun 10-Nov-13 19:58:35

Although, I should clarify I'm not from NI.

Notmyidea Sun 10-Nov-13 20:01:18

Yanbu! She is being rude and attempting to bully. I hope you are supported by your manager.
Fwiw dh and I are a mixture of lapsed Baptist and catholic who have made our home in the CofE.
Gently remind her of the eclectic group that made up the disciples. She sounds like she switched off in a few Sunday school lessons.

josephinebruce Sun 10-Nov-13 20:03:29

I was brought up a catholic and married an atheist. No way would I want to get married in a catholic church - the services are too bloody long and the chuch too bloody cold!!!

MostWicked Sun 10-Nov-13 20:03:39

She belongs in a different century!
Definitely right to report her, but don't take her ignorant comments to heart.

MammaTJ Sun 10-Nov-13 20:04:07

I will be very interested to hear how seriously work take this. To me it is akin to racism, judging people on their religion, or the religion they were born in to.

Does she go to church herself?

YANBU!

MrsSteptoe Sun 10-Nov-13 20:04:31

You were not even remotely unreasonable. I understand why you feel bad about reporting her. Don't. Don't let your compassionate good nature get in the way of dealing with this vicious quarter-wit as she deserves.

Urgh, I hate bigots. I hope you did report her, that was bang out of order.

The whole Protestant/Catholic madness baffles me. FIL once went to Ireland for a conference, and was asked by another delegate if he was Protestant or Catholic. He replied that he was Jewish.

Without skipping a beat the delegate asked, "yes, but are you a Protestant or a Catholic Jew?"

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 10-Nov-13 20:08:30

Sectarian abuse. Horrible woman.
Show her this www.psni.police.uk/hate_crime_leaflets_-_sectarian1.pdf

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 10-Nov-13 20:09:14

Thanks everyone, I feel better now I have gave off about it on here.

To the person asking if she goes to church herself, yes she is a born-again Christian, very strict doesn't agree with kids before marriage etc.

Without skipping a beat the delegate asked, "yes, but are you a Protestant or a Catholic Jew?"

Bloody hell, that's an old joke

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:11:56

Ahhh, ok, born again. Met a few. Rude & very judgemental. Good on you for reporting.

cjel Sun 10-Nov-13 20:12:51

Polly - I'm born again and none of the above smile

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 10-Nov-13 20:13:15

It's a Frank Carson joke iirc

jellylegwobble Sun 10-Nov-13 20:13:27

Tell her about me for a laugh, I'm a protestant who married a Catholic. We decided to Christen Catholic so they could choose, the CoE will have them either way at communion but it's a nightmare the other way. Seemed logical.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 20:15:42

Sometimes I'm stuck in traffic next to some git with a boom-boom car stereo, it's always pumping out something dreadful, and I always think "Those who have the least taste in music most feel the need to share it".

Your description of this woman reminds me of that.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 10-Nov-13 20:16:15

Wow, YANBU. She needs educating! What if you were marrying a Buddhist, or a Muslim, or (gasp) an athiest ?? Judgmental cow. Ignore.

timidviper Sun 10-Nov-13 20:17:31

We used to come across attitudes like this in Liverpool when I was growing up, I had hoped they had died out by now.

If she wants to hold views like that, she needs to learn to keep them to herself.

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:19:02

cjel As I said, I have met a few, & they were rude & judgemental. I do not claim to have met all born again christians, I speak as I find.

cjel Sun 10-Nov-13 20:21:11

No worries -just thought I could balance out some of the bad onessmile

Pilgit Sun 10-Nov-13 20:22:44

Is she older? My mum often got twitchy about how long it took us to get the dds baptized (5 months 7 months so hardly long) ) because she was worried about the state of their immortal souls. We politely ignored her. The point being all sorts of things used to be doctrine that aren't anymore. This was more to explain that these beliefs were around and church led till fairly recently. There is however no excuse for her being so rude and judgemental. Totally right to report her.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 20:23:30

Pollydon, I'd amend your exchange with cjel to maybe this: "I've met some born-again christians who were rude and judgmental. Possibly I've also met some who weren't, and didn't shove it in my face, but by that very yardstick, I wouldn't have known."

Fair compromise?

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:24:09

Cjel you have smile

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:25:32

Agreed Pedant

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