To tell the cheating scumbag to show a bit of respect?

(23 Posts)
Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Nov-13 18:03:52

Last night I was awoken by what sounded like hysterical screaming, so thinking my DS was having a nightmare, I shouted his name (waiting for him to say he had been dreaming) and went to his room to find him fast asleep.
I realised pretty swiftly, the noise was coming from next door and was in fact noisy sex.
We live in a terrace, so it's not unusual to hear loud noise at 1:30am.
But what's bad is, I'd seen the neighbours' wife heading out earlier yesterday with an overnight bag. We've lived next door to them for years and she's never been a screamer so I knew something was amiss.

DP told me to forget it, but this morning neighbour left the house with an orange blonde.

I'm fairly friendly with his wife, we often chat on our commute but I wouldn't consider her a close friend.

DP works for the same firm as this man and has seen him holding hands with another woman during a lunch break.

It's clear he's an utter twat with not an ounce of respect and he's clearly not worried about getting caught out to be bonking someone else in the marital home. The other 'halls adjoining' neighbours must've heard it too.

I've racked my brains for an alternative explanation, there just isn't one. I know it's none of my business but WIBU to tell him I heard him and to show his wife a bit of respect? I'm very tempted to give him a bloody gob full. His wife is lovely and thinks a lot of their marriage. There are no kids involved thankfully.
Ideas welcome. I probably should stay completely out of it, but I'm actually quite angry about his brazen attitude and just think it's humiliating for his wife. We now know about this and have to look her in the eye.

Tee2072 Sun 10-Nov-13 18:05:22

Stay out of it.

usualsuspect Sun 10-Nov-13 18:07:05

What Tee said.

bloody hell what a massive cock. Sorry nothing else helpful to say. I'd really want to tell, but who knows what the set up is..... And if it's happened once, it might happen again. Bad luck op

thebody Sun 10-Nov-13 18:08:09

stay away.

it will come out but if by you the wife may not be as grateful as you think.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses Sun 10-Nov-13 18:11:21

YWBU to give him a gob full.

In your situation, whenever I was next speaking to the wife, I would just casually ask something like 'So who did you have staying with you yesterday/last week/couple of weeks ago then?'

When she gives you a confused look you can just innocently say 'Oh I saw <hubby> leaving with a woman in the morning on <day>, I thought it must have been a relative!'

That will be enough.

Locketjuice Sun 10-Nov-13 18:13:12

I would say something, to him, and see what his reaction is.

CrockedPot Sun 10-Nov-13 18:14:21

Stay out of it. Not easy, and I would really struggle to be civil to the arsehole, but honestly, no good will come out of you getting involved. Just maybe be prepared to be a friend to her, when the shit eventually hits the fan.

foxy6 Sun 10-Nov-13 18:18:28

I never understand why people say stay out of it. if dh was having an affair and others knew I would expect them to tell me. I wouldn't want everyone talking about it behind my back. I would want to know and confront dh and be able to deal with it and not kept in the dark.

EdithWeston Sun 10-Nov-13 18:19:46

I think you need to ask yourself what you would want your neighbours to do if they heard your DH copulating and then leaving the house with an unknown woman. Would you want to know, or are you OK with the idea of being the only one in the neighbourhood who doesn't?

It's a personal decision, based on your own ethical standards. If events are how they seem, it's not the discovery at damages the marriage, it's the betrayal.

needaholidaynow Sun 10-Nov-13 18:19:54

KeepingUpWithTheJonses idea sounds good smile

Frostedloop Sun 10-Nov-13 18:22:01

I would tell her, sorry but if my wife was cheating I would appreciate being told and would even keep the persons name confidential.

Society should not turn a blind eye, spineless wonders the lot of you lol

HKat Sun 10-Nov-13 18:26:29

Just a thought but maybe that was more than an overnight bag? Maybe she knows already? Not saying he's anything other than a scumbag for immediately bringing the orange one to the house, but you don't really know the background to this one...

Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Nov-13 18:29:36

Yeah thanks all. I will probably say nothing at all. But this was just so bloody angering.
Cheeky bastard! His poor wife.
I suspect he wants to get caught, I can't think of any other reason for this, but my head swings back to just quietly telling him the next time we pass each other in the street that he needs to not put any of us, who like his wife, in that position. He's loaded, he could afford a hotel!
I'm not close enough to her to drop a bloody life bombshell like that on her. I would if it were a close friend.
I'd be mortified if a neighbour told me my DP had taken another woman into my home, let alone had heard them shagging!
No one wants to hear that from anyone, let alone a neighbour, but I'd happily confront him if I thought it would make him reassess.
Maybe she knows? It's bloody shit though.

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 18:46:40

My thoughts were that the wife has already found out and that's why she was leaving.

Especially if that's the first time you've seen the different woman there.

Even if that's the case, pretty shit to have her over the second she leaves, but I'd leave saying anything for now.

Wife may already be coming back for the rest of her things soon...

RedHelenB Sun 10-Nov-13 18:51:03

I think most people would appreciate being told rather than being the last to find out! i would just mention that he 'd left the house that morning with a woman - Maybe ask if relatives were staying or something?

FCEK Sun 10-Nov-13 18:58:24

sounds like she already knows.

But you wouldnt be unreasonable to ask him to keep the noise down at night time as your DS can hear his 'new girlfriend'.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 10-Nov-13 19:11:34

I would tell her, I hope people would tell me if DH was cheating on me.

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Nov-13 19:16:46

but my head swings back to just quietly telling him the next time we pass each other in the street that he needs to not put any of us, who like his wife, in that position.

He isn't though

He's shagging this woman in the privacy of his own home (loudly or not).

I understand your anger, but as others have said...it's not your business.

Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Nov-13 19:20:00

FCEK that's a good idea actually.

I'm surprised I didn't dampen their ardour by hollering *Young Snoop, are you OK?' To be honest.

Didn't stop them at all. You're right, she must know thinking about the back story, but whether she turns a blind eye or it's just subconscious remains to be seen.

I'll know if they've split as they go away together every few weeks and ask us to keep an eye on the house.

Just crap, but thanks. I needed to sound it out somewhere as it's actually really got to me today.

Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Nov-13 19:22:27

Worra, I agree he's shagging in his own home, but I'm assuming their marriage is still ongoing.

It may not be, but if it is I could punch his f*cking lights out for humiliating a lovely woman.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots Sun 10-Nov-13 19:26:02

I'd probably knock on the door and ask him to keep it down next time he has company hmm at least and his reaction should tell you all you need to know regarding his wife's knowledge of the situation.

What is with the screaming anyway, I've had some very good sex over the over the years and have never felt the need to scream loud enough for the neighbours to hear

Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Nov-13 19:39:51

She was quite a young orange blonde London. I can only put the dramatic yelping down to youth.

Possibly no kids yet so hasn't realised you can orgasm with very little noise when necessary!

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