to not want 'DH' to touch me.

(51 Posts)
YesAnastasia Sun 10-Nov-13 14:44:49

In a sexual way and say smutty things to me in front of the children (Which they don't understand but still...).

Even when it's just deemed as 'affectionate' by him, I still don't like it.

I have to push him away (or tell him not to do it) which we both think sends an even worse message to the children. So his solution is that I shouldn't push him away. Obviously mine is that he stop doing it.

He walks away and mutters 'what's the point of having wife'. Makes me furious.

So, he wants to be able to touch me whenever he wants to because I'm his wife and even if I object I mustn't push him away or tell him to stop because it's a bad message to the children.

WTF? Or am I being bad wife & poor role model for my DSs like he thinks.

xCupidStuntx Sun 10-Nov-13 14:49:19

It really depends what you mean by smutty? I think being affectionate in front of your children is totally healthy, I think smutty is not?

Lavenderhoney Sun 10-Nov-13 14:50:13

He shouldn't indulge in sexual behaviour and comments round the dc.
You are absolutely right about that.

He also has no right to grope and treat you as though he has a right to your body. It would put me right off. And he should respect that when you ask him not to. The point of having a wife is not sex as and when you feel like it, regardless of situation and their feelings, dc watching.

What would you like to do about it? It sounds very stressful.

TheDoctrineOfWho Sun 10-Nov-13 14:50:37

Why does he thinks watching a woman put up with being touched when she doesn't want to be is a good thing to model?

Writerwannabe83 Sun 10-Nov-13 14:50:45

In what way does he sexually touch you in front of the children??

Need more information on what you mean by 'touching' and 'smutty'. It doesn't sound ok to me though, if you feel uncomfortable about it...

So, he wants to be able to touch me whenever he wants to because I'm his wife and even if I object I mustn't push him away or tell him to stop because it's a bad message to the children. This is sexual abuse.

OvaryAction Sun 10-Nov-13 14:52:03

If you feel uncomfortable with him touching you he shouldn't do it. Your reasons for feeling this way are irrelevant tbh it's your body and it's up to you when, where and how it gets touched.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 10-Nov-13 14:52:29

What's the point in having a wife?

If my husband said that to me, he would no longer have a wife.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Nov-13 14:54:51

Of course he hasn't got the right to touch you whenever he likes, and being fucked off if you object is definitely not right!

Is he saying you don't have any rights over your own body?

Bad message to the children?

Bad role model?

Manipulating you into obeying him more like.

ineedanexcuse Sun 10-Nov-13 14:57:45

NSPCC states that Sexual abuse of a child can include;

*intentionally engaging in sexual activity in front of a child
*not taking proper measures to prevent a child being exposed to sexual activity by others

If your Dh is doing this he is committing child abuse.

adiia Sun 10-Nov-13 14:59:15

how old are the children?

YesAnastasia Sun 10-Nov-13 14:59:22

Sometimes it's blatant touching of my boobs or bum accompanied by a noise. Sometimes it's just putting both his hands aside my waist and pulling me towards him.

I know it's hardly soft porn but if I don't want him to do it at that moment. Just like I don't want the man down the road to do it.

I think the problem is that he doesn't understand atmosphere or signals (and doesn't even try to) and if I'm busy or annoyed or whatever then he shouldn't maul me.

It would be nice if he put an arm around me, touched mt cheek, kissed my head but there's a subtle difference & I feel like it's intrusive and makes my skin crawl.

I am a 'cold fish' since I had the children & I'm not too keen on sex any more but I making me feel like this DOES NOT HELP. He should read this thread actually.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Sun 10-Nov-13 15:00:20

You need to point out to your H that you are his wife, his partner, his equal, not his possession. He needs to start showing you respect and that included not touching you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, especially in front of the children.

YADNBU

He is BVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

Mylovelyboy Sun 10-Nov-13 15:00:36

Can you please be more specific about what he does. Fucking some men think its their right to maul and grope their wives/girlfriends no matter who is around. angry To do this stuff (dont know what it is yet!) in front of the children is wrong.

JinglingRexManningDay Sun 10-Nov-13 15:00:48

He wants to sexually abuse you whenever he wants to.

He is a bad role model to the children.

YesAnastasia Sun 10-Nov-13 15:01:53

DC are 2 & 4. I do agree they should see affection between their parents but the right kind. And a receptive mummy.

hoppingmad Sun 10-Nov-13 15:02:43

What's the point having a wife?! There is so much wrong with that I wouldn't even know where to start hmmangry

My dh used to get a bit carried away with the affection in front of the dc's (nothing smutty just more than I was comfortable with). I explained what level I was happy with and he was perfectly fine and apologised for making me uncomfortable.

I would hope that most men would be the same, your dh is the one with the problem.

JinglingRexManningDay Sun 10-Nov-13 15:03:00

Just saw your update and still stand by what I wrote. Touching your boobs and your bum when you have clearly said no is abuse.

VashtaNerada Sun 10-Nov-13 15:03:15

Regardless of how "sexual" the contact is, if you don't want to be touched, he shouldn't touch you.

thegreylady Sun 10-Nov-13 15:03:58

He is not the man down the road he is your husband!
I think the bum/boobs thing is out of order the other isn't AS LONG AS YOU DON'T OBJECT. If you object to being touched he should respect that.

RevelsRoulette Sun 10-Nov-13 15:06:54

That's actually really sleazy. Pawing at you in a sexual way in front of your children is sleazy.

Treating you like a piece of meat is sleazy

Actually saying to you that your function as his wife is to make your body available for him at any time he chooses is, well sleazy doesn't go quite far enough, does it?

It is demeaning to be publicly pawed. It's got bugger all to do with affection and more to do with ownership. He may as well stake his claim by pissing up your leg.

You are not some piece of meat he can paw over, and why does you being his wife excuse him?
Being a wife does not make you his possession, and there is a time and a place for raunchy behaviour- when you are in a good mood & when the children are not within eyes reach!

YesAnastasia Sun 10-Nov-13 15:18:04

It's the things he says that are smutty anyway, his behaviour is just unwelcome. He'll make double entendres that I hate - of course I can't think of an example right now.

No, the children don't understand but I hate it. While I was growing up, my older cousin got a boyfriend who did it constantly, grinding himself up against her, jiggling her boobs etc & I was appalled. He is now her DH & he still does it but she doesn't seem to mind & she still laughs all these years later. Made me sick then & it does now. I used to think, I'll never have a husband like that, mine will be respectful & we'll be equals. How has this happened?

RevelsRoulette Sun 10-Nov-13 15:27:21

The children will understand it.

My husband used to smack my bum. In our case, it was ok, because it wasn't in a sexual way, it was just daft grin I laughed, he laughed. It was ok because we both felt that it was ok.

Until the day our youngest came up behind me in the kitchen and smacked my bum. shock

Then we realised - they see everything.

What will you r husband do if your child one day gropes you or someone else?

It's your body and your usband doesn't have rights to it.

I can't get over his why have a wife comment. I really can't. Why have a wife if I don't have constant access to tits and arse. Says it all.

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