to be very cross with a teenager who wouldn't get up for the remembrance service this morning

(90 Posts)
Notmyidea Sun 10-Nov-13 11:58:17

And tell her she needs to give up guides as she can't meet her obligations?

Nerfmother Sun 10-Nov-13 12:45:40

People died to give freedom to people to choose not to go to church.

How convenient. Op she's actually making a well considered and political choice.

nicelyneurotic Sun 10-Nov-13 12:47:13

I agree that no one should be bullied into going to church. I was for years and have horrible memories of it.

I also remember being a teenager and being so tired all the time. It was like first trimester of pregnancy tiredness. For years.

I'd let her off, if it was me. But I'm a pushover.

justmakingdo Sun 10-Nov-13 12:48:28

If its that important I would have made sure she got up in time.

SkullyAndBones Sun 10-Nov-13 12:48:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YANBU - I agree that you can't cherry pick what you do and don't get involved in, you're either part of it all or not at all.

CerealKillerMom Sun 10-Nov-13 12:51:23

My DS is a Beaver and we went to the village memorial today for the scout/guide service and then onto the church service after. Our packs are given financial aid by the British Legion and they like to see some pack attendance for Remembrance Sunday service.

I'm an atheist so not particularly up for the church service but I went primarily to say 'thank you' to all those who have given their lives/limbs etc... in service so that others didn't have to.

My maternal grandfather (like so many) fought and came back from WW2 and married my grandmother who was Jewish. I hate to think how different things would have been if they war had gone the other way. I doubt they could have married and I would not be here.

So, I think your DD is being VVUR. A morning thinking about other's sacrifice is such a small thing to do. A valuable lesson. It doesn't have to be about the politics or religion. Just the acknowledgment of someone's life and service.

ithaka Sun 10-Nov-13 12:51:32

YANBU, my 16 year old managed to drag herself out of bed this morning to go to the service. It is all about self-discipline & commitment. They are old fashioned values, but still worthwhile and part of being a Girl Guide. This is one of the reasons I think Guides is so good for young girls.

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Nov-13 12:52:03

How old is she OP?

Could you really not think of a consequence so severe that she would do as she's told?

If she's made a promise to be there, she should have got out of bed.

As far as I am aware 11'oclock is the key time for Remembrance Day Parades - so am guessing she had to be there at 10.30 -or there abouts. So still a lie in. So I am not sure the "she has to get up every other day early" holds much water for me.

Coupon Sun 10-Nov-13 12:53:26

If she didn't want to go, she should have said so in advance. So YANBU

Sirzy Sun 10-Nov-13 12:55:31

IF she had said she would be there then she should have gone IMO (barring illness or other incidents which make it hard of course)

Sirzy Sun 10-Nov-13 12:56:09

Fish - the parade I was doing we had to be there for 9.30 so times will vary dependent on location

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 10-Nov-13 12:56:23

YANBU. It's a few events a year, it wouldn't have been such a big deal for her to miss a bit of a sleep. I think it's important for teenagers (and children) to learn that sometimes, you do things that you don't want to out because it's the right thing to do when you've made a commitment.

insanityscratching Sun 10-Nov-13 12:56:56

I'd say that if she was expected then she should have gone and I would be cross too. If she had no intention of attending then she should have had the courage of her convictions and discussed it with both you and the guide leader. As it is she has let her troop down and shown herself to be either weak or lazy or maybe both and I would be handing out a consequence for that.

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Nov-13 12:57:01

Teenagers need more sleep (9 hours) and due to their hormonal mayhem have difficulty producing melatonin (the sleep hormone) until much later in the evening than adults typically 1am as opposed to adults 10pm

Yet she'll manage to get up for school every morning.

Some of the excuses on here are laughable.

I bet she'd give up her 9 luxurious hours if you gave her £100 and told her to go into town and treat herself!

She made a promise...a commitment and couldn't be arsed to keep it.

Just one Remembrance Sunday that happens once every year...

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 10-Nov-13 12:57:37

I don't think it's about being bullied to go, it's about learning that when you made a commitment, you follow it through. Obviously there will be exceptions sometimes - illness, family emergencies etc.

Charlesroi Sun 10-Nov-13 12:58:41

If the head of Buddhism and other faiths (and none) can be arsed to turn up to the Cenotaph then your DD should too. It's not about religion or whether you support war.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 10-Nov-13 13:00:23

So if op said to her DD lets get up early and go to Alton towers for the day would she had said no thanks mum I really need my sleep.

Rosencrantz Sun 10-Nov-13 13:01:04

It's probably not just Remembrance Sunday, she's probably outgrowing guides full stop.

It's geared to very young teens. Does she even want to continue? Your threat sounds very empty! She might rejoice in giving up! I did at 12!!

Vivacia Sun 10-Nov-13 13:02:08

I didn't really see why they had to follow the religious doctrines of the C of E in order to be good Scouts

Well, it's part of being a scout isn't it? Its a choice and others are available.

jacks365 Sun 10-Nov-13 13:02:11

Out of my daughters guide unit of about 15 3 turned up for remembrance service today. That is normal, the three who turned up are all children of leaders.

Years ago we tried all sorts to encourage attendance and were literally stopped from doing anything by parental complaints so we gave up expecting. I suppose it just depends what the specific expectations of your dd's guide unit is.

kim147 Sun 10-Nov-13 13:06:46

The thing is - Guides, Scouts, Cubs and Brownies are not military organisations. Should they be part of such a service to remember the dead or not? Or is it the religious aspect?

I've had the same argument with DS in Cubs today. It kind of makes me a bit uncomfortable linking the military side and the uniformed children's stuff. If you are in the Air Cadets or Cadet Force, the link and expectation is obvious.

But I have mixed thoughts about such an expectation for others - even though it's part of the community obligations.

Heartbrokenmum73 Sun 10-Nov-13 13:09:38


Not everyone believes in wearing a poppy either - there are multiple threads running on this currently. If my dc decide not to wear poppies, I certainly won't force them to. I don't wear one myself - it's not mandatory.

I still remember those who died in needless wars.

chibi Sun 10-Nov-13 13:12:17

i was in guides in a different country as a child. i had no idea that it was strongly affiliated with CofE here. it was not tied to any one faith back home.

how odd.

LtEveDallas Sun 10-Nov-13 13:13:06

I was impressed with the Vic at our service today. For the first time he said something like "Those of you that do not wish to pray are asked to sit for a moment in quiet contemplation". It was good to see him take into account those civilian and military personnel who attend the Remembrance Service to 'remember' or as a 'duty' rather than for the religious aspect of it.

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