to say no, dp can't take our breastfed ds away for 5 days?

(48 Posts)
misspontypine Sat 09-Nov-13 20:18:14

Ds is 10 months old. He is breastfed but also eats other food, some days he mostly eats food with just a few breastfeeds but other days ( when he is teething or under the weather) he eats hardly any food and will only breastfeed.

We have tried cups/bottles of expressed milk but he refuses, we have tried regularly for the past 7 months.

I'm terrified of flying, I usually take valium to help me deal with the flight but as I'm bf that isn't an option.

I am from the UK so flying is not something I can avoid but the 3-4 days before a flight are awful I have a constant low level feeling of panic and anxiety dreams about plane crashes.

Dp's parents live 1000 km away, they come to the city we live in regularly but they have lots of people to see so they often don't visit us at all it is a case of us going to the place they are staying, it is always US instigating contact. I have suggested they might like to come and spend the day with us, come to playgroup with us, eat meals, give ds a bath but they always decline.

Mil really wants us to come and stay for the weekend. I have suggested we go in January when dp has paternity leave and we can go for tge entire week. I have said I'd prefer to drive ( partly because of my fear of flying bit also so we have tge freedom of having our own care --to escapefor a couple of hours a day--)

Pil were here last week and will be here mid December but mil has asked dp to fly up to stay with them taking ds but leaving me at home.

Aibu to think that he shouldn't take ds? What is he is teething and wont eat? He is fed to sleep and we co-sleep, I know I'd be miserable ans miss ds but aibu to think he'dmiss me my boobs

Retroformica Sun 10-Nov-13 19:50:23

Id say thank you for your kind offer MIL but DS is too young to be away from me particularly as he breast feeds and cosleeps with me.

waterrat Sun 10-Nov-13 19:23:18

I would not be away from a 10 month old for 5 days even if they were not bf. he is breastfeed however which frankly draws a line under it! No is the only answer / your son would be very unhappy to be suddenly weaned from the breast and his mum - I imagine it would be quite traumatic for him.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Sun 10-Nov-13 19:02:26

There is no way my DH would want to take DD away from me, he sees being fed, and all that BF entails.

No way.

I do not blame them for asking, they simply do not grasp the situation.

You do, for some bizzare reason your DH does not, however, you need to make it clear at this moment in time, its too soon and totally un suitable.

Bettylafea Sun 10-Nov-13 18:56:33

From what you have written, it sounds like your baby is a pretty flexible chap, so he might surprise you. Even my limpet like baby was ok at being away from me for a few nights. Maybe you should look into doing something about your fear of flying? It sounds like it affects your life massively, do you really want to restrict your own and your child's life so much as he gets older? He will miss out on so much.

quietbatperson Sun 10-Nov-13 18:26:01

I'm glad your DH has seen sense (even if it was rather vague about how he would comfort your DS without you there). I dread to think what the engorgement would be like. If you are a person who has much joy expressing you would end up in a lot of pain, and could develop blocked ducts and even mastitis. And even at 10 months, supply can dwindle in such a short time. A couple of days you could probably get away with, but 5 days might be the end of nursing completely.

Even putting that aside, 5 days is a bloody long time. I feel bad enough if my 4 and 6 year olds are away from me for 1 night, let alone 5. I miss them terribly, and DS1 usually wakes up wanting his dad.

I also think your ILs are being fucking rude by not visiting you when they are local to you, and getting you to visit them instead, knowing that it would entail a long journey with a small baby, and possibly leaving you behind too because of your fear of flying. Would it really have been that much trouble for them to visit you while they were nearby? What's your DH's opinion on that?

Thatisall Sun 10-Nov-13 17:48:11

Bach not back blush

Thatisall Sun 10-Nov-13 17:47:49

YANBU but I'd predict he would realise he WAS being U in about half an hour smile

On another note regarding your dislike of flying. i use a Back flower remedy from the chemist. It's called rescue remedy and you spray it on your tongue. My midwife recommended it as i was afraid of giving birth. If it's safe during pregnancy then surely its safe during breast feeding?

Perhaps its just a placebo, but it works for me and might be worth a try

cory Sun 10-Nov-13 17:28:49

I did this when breastfed dd was quite a bit younger and it worked absolutely fine with expressed breastmilk.

But then it was because I wanted to, it was something I felt comfortable, dd was so close to her dad that she found him just as reassuring as me and it was something that would be of benefit to our family.

I would have felt totally different about just jumping through hoops set up by MIL.

selsigfach Sun 10-Nov-13 17:26:18

I'm concerned that your husband has even entertained his mother's suggestion. Why didn't he say "well of course not, Miss is still breastfeeding."

misspontypine Sun 10-Nov-13 16:27:04

Thanks for all the advice, it is good to know I'm not the only mum who would feel this way.

Dp isn't going to take ds away, I pointed out to him that ds might be upset but he said he'd just give him water and normal food.

We will drive there in January but I feel like not going at all.

CanucksoontobeinLondon Sat 09-Nov-13 22:06:43

YANBU. The breastfeeding thing is irrelevant. A 10 month old should not be away from its mother for five days except in the event of an emergency. We're not talking just an overnighter here.

lola88 Sat 09-Nov-13 22:06:37

Bf or not I wouldn't let ds go away for 5 days until he is at least at school maybe older, I am not overly protective he goes to gp overnight and out with DP for the day lots I don't mind being away from him but 5 days in another country is way to much for any child to be away from their mother.

Alanna1 Sat 09-Nov-13 22:02:23

Well...I'm going to say I'd love it if I got 5 days to myself!! My DD2 wasn't such a fan of a bottle but we got there. Usually i co-sleep the second half of the night with her. But a few days alone - bliss!!

TheFabulousIdiot Sat 09-Nov-13 22:02:22

YANBU.

foreverondiet Sat 09-Nov-13 22:02:18

Driving for 1000km doesn't sound like fun, and it's not as thigh you aren't invited - personally at that age I wouldn't mind - you'll be fine as you can pump each day and your Ds will drink milk from a bottle if he gets hungry enough. He is 10 months not 10 weeks, it's only for a few days, think quite reasonable.

uhOhOhDear Sat 09-Nov-13 22:02:09

Yanbu. Say no!

Hermyninny Sat 09-Nov-13 22:01:43

No, as MN has taught me, really can be a complete sentence.

Also, although for a 5 day break from breast feeding at 10 months your supply will probably be okay (if a bit uncomfortable), you might find DS weans. Which doesn't sound like something you'd be happy with.

PansOnFire Sat 09-Nov-13 22:00:59

YANBU - my 1 year old has never been breastfed, I spent 6 days away from him when I was ill after his birth. Never again until he's 16 and can legally leave me!

Breastfeeding aside, a baby needs it's mother, especially when around unfamiliar people. Five days is a long time, he'll need his mother to look to for security even if dad is there. If it doesn't feel right then please don't agree to it. Your MIL sounds unkind and unsympathetic, I wouldn't want someone like that around my baby when he's missing his mum.

dietcokeandwine Sat 09-Nov-13 21:55:51

Thiscould - I wouldn't want my 4 yo or 9 yo away from me for a whole week either!

maddening Sat 09-Nov-13 21:53:52

tell them they can fly to you or nothing.

Thiscoukdbeme Sat 09-Nov-13 21:53:29

I just wanted to repeat what's already been said. No way would I be happy with that (even with my 2.5 year old)

Meringue33 Sat 09-Nov-13 21:51:31

Tell them it's a horrible idea! My LO is also 10 mo he is mostly ff now with only a teeny bit of bm but I would miss him like mad if we were apart and would struggle to sleep. Defo check out the bf and drugs fact sheets linked to above, I am no expert but suspect one Valium would be fine. You could always pump and dump if you were really worried?

MrsMook Sat 09-Nov-13 21:50:00

YANBU
He will be distressed.
You will be distressed and have very painful boobs.

I had a bottle refuser. In an attempt to try to convince him to take a bottle for starting nursery at about 9m, we went a day cold turkey and it was total misery for the pair of us. When I cracked through engorgement and being upset, it was a brilliant relief to feed him.

dietcokeandwine Sat 09-Nov-13 21:49:37

OP I have a 9mo who is no longer BF. He happily takes 3 bottles of formula and eats 3 good solid meals per day and eats with gusto regardless of whether it's me or DH or Granny or whoever feeding him. He self settles for all daytime naps and the nighttime sleep in his cot. It doesn't need to be me who puts him down. He really is about as flexible as a 9mo can be.

And I still would not allow DH to take him away for 5 days!

The BF thing is a good point to argue but it's not really the critical issue tbh. The point is your DS is far too young to be away from you that long. It would stress you both out and it's not fair.

YANBU.

Tell them to sod off. A baby's needs come first at all times, and the needs and wishes of the mother come second. Everybody else can work round that or get stuffed.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now