To have said this to DS' Yr R teacher in GP surgery today?

(208 Posts)
youarewinning Fri 08-Nov-13 22:19:05

I must point out DS is now 9yo and in year 5. He's been extremely ill and diagnosed with tonsillitis at surgery. He was lying down on me but constantly twitching his legs and twiddling his fingers and occasionally instead of frequently! making noises.

Saw his old year R teacher - she was a complete cow to him and memorably punished him for pretend stinging a girl with a 'bee puppet' they had made - the girl cried. He was 4.1yo at the time.

School did point out he had poor social communication but despite my insistence thought it was 'something he'd learn as he matured' and she seemed to preferred the 'punish it out of him' approach. sad as opposed to something that he needed an IEP/support for.

Anyway she retired as he left year R and he left the infants just over 2 years ago. <happiest day of my life!>

She said Hi to DS who didn't recognise her. I reminded him she was his teacher in year R. DS just said 'oh' and laid back down. She asked him how juniors was and he said "fine".

She then said "your much quieter than you use to be but I see you still don't sit still" shock

My simple reply was "I see you're still as judgemental as you use to be and continue to misunderstand children"

Ironically my DS is not quiet - he's quiet socially but is always talking to himself, his Ipad grin or generally making low level noises. He does sit very well now.
Most importantly thanks to the correct support he's getting is doing extremely well in school and is part way towards a diagnosis of ASD.

Goldmandra Mon 11-Nov-13 12:05:38

To be fair, the OP didn't ask whether she was being unreasonable in her view that the teacher had failed her child dismally and cause him significant unnecessary distress. The fact that subsequent teachers have met his needs appropriately seems to be good evidence that it was the teacher who was at fault.

Her questions was that, given that this had happened, was her response to her perception that this woman was starting on him again within seconds of an unexpected encounter unreasonable.

You chose to answer a question that wasn't even asked.

youarewinning Mon 11-Nov-13 12:27:45

Boffin You've just made my day and I really must stop drinking coffee whilst MNing! grin

I understand what your saying MrsL You do only have my word. And I'm not saying the school didn't recognise DS had needs - they did, both announcing he had poor social communication (which I had suspected) and at risk of dyslexia after DEST. (now not at risk smile) Just that their methods of 'teaching' him these skills won't work for a child with ASD - which obviously at the time we weren't aware of - although we knew there was something iyswim? I felt their tactics were harsh and led to a 4yo having school refusal as he simply couldn't understand "why the teacher hates me". Not every teacher since then has been able to understand or help my DS - but at least they have tried.
His teacher last year, a fairly new teacher didn't really understand my DS' needs or ASD (and she got the hard job of being his teacher as it went from SN to probable DX of what SN). She did give him sanctions for things he did related to his ASD and his anxiousness levels were high during the school year - however she also spent time after school with him helping him settle into school clubs.
For me it's not about getting it right - its about the willingness to at least try and help him.

MrsLouisTheroux Mon 11-Nov-13 13:23:43

Gold I answered the OP's original AIBU way up thread. The thread seems to have moved on.

MrsLouisTheroux Mon 11-Nov-13 13:31:49

youarewinning I understand the frustration, I feel it every day and I totally empathise with you. What I think and what I say out loud to people are two different things though.
In many ways people are just ignorant and would be horrified if they knew the hurt they cause. If you had said AIBU to hold a grudge because of... and AIBU to have wanted to tell this woman how insensitive her remarks come across, I would have said YANBU.

youarewinning Mon 11-Nov-13 13:48:05

Thanks MrsL I'm fully aware my reaction was rude, probably called for - but very mistimed! I honestly have no problem with accepting some posters think IWBU as I did ask! I just had a problem with people accusing me of lying/ exaggerating (or whatever) my reasons behind the remark. I don't think the reasons justify my response; they were just the facts about why I responded as I did.

Turns out many people think I was right, I however still feel it was said at wrong place and wrong time like 5 years too late and as you said - outloud grin. But I've said it now and this thread has been therapeutic if nothing else in sorting out feelings I didn't realise I'd not worked through.

diagnosticnomansland Mon 11-Nov-13 14:00:12

Mrs L...you're a teacher? confused shock hmm

MrsLouisTheroux Mon 11-Nov-13 18:31:35

Diagnostic Yes and live with Autistic 20 year old.
Double shock!

diagnosticnomansland Tue 12-Nov-13 14:34:52

I gathered that, about living with an Autistic loved one...coupled with you being a teacher I am, truly shocked, that you would do exactly as the teacher in question did to a four year old. I have to say if you were my child's teacher, we would most certainly lock antlers.

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