To have said this to DS' Yr R teacher in GP surgery today?

(208 Posts)
youarewinning Fri 08-Nov-13 22:19:05

I must point out DS is now 9yo and in year 5. He's been extremely ill and diagnosed with tonsillitis at surgery. He was lying down on me but constantly twitching his legs and twiddling his fingers and occasionally instead of frequently! making noises.

Saw his old year R teacher - she was a complete cow to him and memorably punished him for pretend stinging a girl with a 'bee puppet' they had made - the girl cried. He was 4.1yo at the time.

School did point out he had poor social communication but despite my insistence thought it was 'something he'd learn as he matured' and she seemed to preferred the 'punish it out of him' approach. sad as opposed to something that he needed an IEP/support for.

Anyway she retired as he left year R and he left the infants just over 2 years ago. <happiest day of my life!>

She said Hi to DS who didn't recognise her. I reminded him she was his teacher in year R. DS just said 'oh' and laid back down. She asked him how juniors was and he said "fine".

She then said "your much quieter than you use to be but I see you still don't sit still" shock

My simple reply was "I see you're still as judgemental as you use to be and continue to misunderstand children"

Ironically my DS is not quiet - he's quiet socially but is always talking to himself, his Ipad grin or generally making low level noises. He does sit very well now.
Most importantly thanks to the correct support he's getting is doing extremely well in school and is part way towards a diagnosis of ASD.

youarewinning Fri 08-Nov-13 23:31:46

woowoo I understand that. It's hard to explain things here - and get a years worth of grief into 1 OP! She was awful - and unfortunately it took her announcement of retirement for the real truth of her classroom manner and other parents views on her to become public. He missed 10 minutes golden time.

^lila* thankyou. You sound like one of DS' lovely teachers he's had over the years. You don't sound like a teacher who would 'create' problems just to have the control of being the teacher. By that I mean if a child (my DS) liked to sit on the outside of the group - you'd let them if they weren't causing a problem there (her admittance is he didn't and listened well) instead of causing disruption to the class by insisting they sit central to the group - and then punishing the child for disrupting the lesson. hmm

Oh dear, seeing this women again today seems to have dredged up some anger I thought I'd left behind blush

drigon Fri 08-Nov-13 23:33:31

YANBU op. My son had a similar teacher for 3 years in the juniors. He too has mild ASD and she misunderstood the situation completely. She was unpleasant and unsympathetic, whilst pretending to care about him. Glad your son no longer has this particular teacher.

frustratedandfailing Fri 08-Nov-13 23:34:12

What a cunt - YANBU.

Also, glad your son is getting the support he needs - there are some schools and teachers who should be utterly fucking ashamed of themselves.

5madthings Fri 08-Nov-13 23:36:49

Yanbu at all, she was rude and sounds like she was a crap teacher to your son, you were actually quite restrained imo!

Lilacroses Fri 08-Nov-13 23:39:30

I really feel for you. Yes, I've taught many children who have later been diagnosed as having ASD but I've also taught alot of children that just like to do things a bit differently. I was working with Yr children today and thinking that some children find the rigidity and constant social demands of school too much at this age. When you step back and think about it their response is perfectly understandable!!!

MrsLouisTheroux Sat 09-Nov-13 01:51:33

YABU. Why say anything? If she was unpleasant, you were just as bad in your response.

Misfitless Sat 09-Nov-13 03:56:44

Yanbu - she sounds like a right cow. At least she's not teaching anymore. Well done for saying what you said - I would only have thought of that later when it would have been too late, then would have kicked myself for not saying something!

youarewinning Sat 09-Nov-13 11:30:09

MrsL I said it in response to her comments re DS. I'll be honest that if she'd just asked how juniors was I would have just politely told her. I just suddenly felt annoyed on behalf of my DS that she judged him wrongly for a year and then again 5 years later - ASD or not he was 4yo when she taught him. Ironically when they said some children aren't ready for school and I wanted to discuss removing him to PT or until year 1 as they couldn't meet his needs - they said it wasn't that bad. hmm

I totally understand why people are saying IWBU - TBH afterwards I'd wondered myself if I had BU, but had spoken instinctively, and that is why I asked the jury that is MN.

Laura0806 Sat 09-Nov-13 13:23:37

well done for saying it! you were sticking up for your DS. Why should she be allowed to make ignorant, unplesant comments. Sounds like shes a great loss to the teaching profession??!!!!!!!

slothlike Sat 09-Nov-13 13:53:14

What was her tone of voice like when she made her comment at the surgery? I can imagine it being said in a teasing/affectionate way, but I suppose that's unlikely given her previous treatment of your DS. I'm split: I sort of think you should have risen above it in an aloof-but-polite way... but then I also think YWNBU at all and good for you.

Did she say anything in response?

youarewinning Sat 09-Nov-13 14:07:36

sloth her response posted^^. Re her tone. It was kind of a factual/ matter of fact tone, TBH I can't really decipher it blush I guess I was annoyed at what she said - because of past history - as opposed to how she said it? She may have meant it teasingly - I guess my view of her could have clouded my judgement.

It's not easy to forgive someone who makes the first year your child spent in school more miserable than it needed to be - because I do understand how much DS struggled to cope and the ramifications of this.

rockybalboa Sat 09-Nov-13 14:14:55

Well said OP!! I'm never quick enough to come up with appropriate retorts and would just have mumbled something.

lljkk Sat 09-Nov-13 14:22:19

snurk, I don't care about the aibu part, I totally understand why OP said what she did.

HollaAtMeBaby Sat 09-Nov-13 14:27:54

YABU and precious - it was FIVE YEARS AGO, how can you even remember all this trivia? Everyone has at least one mean teacher during school - it's good for children to learn that some people are unreasonable/unfair/unkind. You set your son a poor example with your rudeness to her.

Lilacroses Sat 09-Nov-13 14:40:48

I know what you mean Holla about having some good and some bad teachers. My Dd has had 2 grim teacher twice and the second time it was easier than the first. However, she was 8 and 10 when that happened so had ample experience of good, kind teachers, plus she never actually felt like these teachers didn't like her and neither did we. It's very different for your child to be struggling in their first year at school (when many of us are anxious for them) and to have a teacher who is constantly negative and unkind to them. Op has already said that her son has had some problems and she was naturally concerned about them. If an adult greeted another adult with that remark or similar "I see you still talk too much or whatever" that would be considered rude. Why is it ok for an adult to say that to a child? Op had every right to defend her son.

BitOutOfPractice Sat 09-Nov-13 14:48:23

I'm another who is wondering why you are carrying this grudge on against someone who taught your son 5 or 6 years ago. Really? She punished him for making another child cry. In an incident that you didn't even see. Get over it. Your son clearly has as he didn't even recognise her

As for her comment, if someone had said that to me I'd probably have laughed and said "oh I know she's a right fidgety bridget" and not even given it a second thought.

You sound like you were determined to be offended by her because you've not forgiven her for something (that she saw and you didn't) five years ago. As a consequence you were rude. YABVU

Having said that I hope your ds feels better soon

Lilacroses Sat 09-Nov-13 14:49:56

And by the way youarewinning, your response wasn't that rude...it was pretty factual! I'm the most polite, positive well behaved person you could imagine but when someone insulted my gorgeous Dp my response made everyone standing close by almost faint in shock and embarrassment!

youarewinning Sat 09-Nov-13 14:50:48

I remember it because she may my DS's school year hell - making a child who already struggled socially afraid to do anything for fear of it being wrong.

DS does and should get into trouble for wrongdoing.

Lilacroses Sat 09-Nov-13 14:59:33

It obviously wasn't one incident was it??!

Lilacroses Sat 09-Nov-13 15:03:24

Sorry, this really is my last word on it but you set your son a GOOD example! Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself and those you love. I speak as someone who has only actually felt compelled to this 3 times in my entire life and on those occasions I didn't regret it for a moment.

youarewinning Sat 09-Nov-13 15:09:10

Thanks lila I actually spent that year trying to stand up for DS, accepting the difficulties and trying to get IEP/ behaviour plans drawn up to help him. I never disputed his social difficulties - just that he could be 'punished' out of him.

I did once ask her if she had anything positive to say about DS. Turned out she didn't!

I work with extremely challenging teens, many of whom exhibit violent behaviour towards me - I can still think of good things to say about them - because I like them, just not their behaviour.

claig Sat 09-Nov-13 15:12:02

YABVU.
She was only trying to make conversation and a link to the past.
She will have thought less of you for holding a grudge for so long.

claig Sat 09-Nov-13 15:14:59

Who'd be a teacher when this is the reaction you get from some people?
I hope she doesn't have the misfortune to bump in to you again.

claig Sat 09-Nov-13 15:16:35

"She said Hi to DS who didn't recognise her. I reminded him she was his teacher in year R. DS just said 'oh' and laid back down. She asked him how juniors was and he said "fine".

I hope he grows up to be more polite and courteous than this. I feel sorry for the teacher.

Lilacroses Sat 09-Nov-13 15:16:40

Same here, I've never taught a child in 15 years that didn't have lots of great qualities, that's not to say you ignore the negatives. You just need a modicum of compassion and common sense to realise thatif a parent has a child who is not coping well at school you need to work with them and not just confront them every day with a list of perceived offences!

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