To have said this to DS' Yr R teacher in GP surgery today?

(208 Posts)
youarewinning Fri 08-Nov-13 22:19:05

I must point out DS is now 9yo and in year 5. He's been extremely ill and diagnosed with tonsillitis at surgery. He was lying down on me but constantly twitching his legs and twiddling his fingers and occasionally instead of frequently! making noises.

Saw his old year R teacher - she was a complete cow to him and memorably punished him for pretend stinging a girl with a 'bee puppet' they had made - the girl cried. He was 4.1yo at the time.

School did point out he had poor social communication but despite my insistence thought it was 'something he'd learn as he matured' and she seemed to preferred the 'punish it out of him' approach. sad as opposed to something that he needed an IEP/support for.

Anyway she retired as he left year R and he left the infants just over 2 years ago. <happiest day of my life!>

She said Hi to DS who didn't recognise her. I reminded him she was his teacher in year R. DS just said 'oh' and laid back down. She asked him how juniors was and he said "fine".

She then said "your much quieter than you use to be but I see you still don't sit still" shock

My simple reply was "I see you're still as judgemental as you use to be and continue to misunderstand children"

Ironically my DS is not quiet - he's quiet socially but is always talking to himself, his Ipad grin or generally making low level noises. He does sit very well now.
Most importantly thanks to the correct support he's getting is doing extremely well in school and is part way towards a diagnosis of ASD.

treacletoffeeinnovember Fri 08-Nov-13 22:20:28

I sympathise but she'll just think you're the sort of parent who thinks their child can do no wrong and is permanently misunderstood.

I want to like your op. good for you.

ivykaty44 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:21:09

I like your sting wink far more effective than a puppet

kidinasweetshop Fri 08-Nov-13 22:21:18

YANBU

plum100 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:21:55

Well said

custardo Fri 08-Nov-13 22:22:17

and she replied....?

NatashaBee Fri 08-Nov-13 22:28:30

YANBU. I only think of good responses to comments like that half an hour later!

Good for you - we so seldom get the chance to say these things - there's never space at the time and later on we don't get the opportunity.
Hurrah for you

eofa1 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:31:48

So she told your son off for making another child cry? What a bitch...

JackNoneReacher Fri 08-Nov-13 22:34:56

Her unpleasant, barbed comment deserved that. I think she may have had that coming for a long time.

PansOnFire Fri 08-Nov-13 22:41:43

As a teacher I think YANBU, she is. And unprofessional. But I think you need to accept she had no choice to punish your DS for making another girl cry.

Goldmandra Fri 08-Nov-13 22:41:45

So she told your son off for making another child cry? What a bitch...

She punished him for doing something he would be unlikely to predict would make another child cry even if he were NT. Unless this was a repeat offence following explanation and warnings, she was in the wrong.

She sounds like a very unpleasant person and is no loss to the teaching profession at all.

eofa1 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:44:27

Fully depends what actually happened, which presumably the OP doesn't know as she wasn't there. "Pretending to sting" another child could be done aggressively and be intended to frighten rather than amuse.

youarewinning Fri 08-Nov-13 22:44:30

eofa they had made puppets of bees. He pretend stung his friend who made a response I can only imagine was very overdramatic - to be touched with paper! She punished him because the girl said she didn't like it. She actually agreed at the time he didn't understand other peoples emotions and couldn't read body language etc. Problem is she wouldn't support him and would punish him. I'm not sure why she was shocked that a 4yo would do this with a bee anyway.

custardo she looked shock then muttered said "how's he getting on at juniors". That's when I said he was part way through ASD diagnosis but doing very well and excelling in some subjects academically.

eofa1 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:46:04

Hmmm. Another aren't assuming the motives f their own child must always be good and the motives of another child bad, or silly.

eofa1 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:46:22

Parent, not aren't.

Dawndonnaagain Fri 08-Nov-13 22:48:46

Good for you, and I hope your ds feels better soon.
(Lots of trouble with stupid teachers in the early years).

Goldmandra Fri 08-Nov-13 22:52:44

eofa it isn't about the reasons for the other child crying. She may well have been upset for a very good reason (maybe she had recently been stung) but no four year old is likely to predict that touching another child with a paper bee and pretending it stung her would make them cry.

This teacher would no doubt have made the OP very aware if the behaviour was a repeat offence. She doesn't sound like the sort to miss an opportunity.

Punishment should have a purpose and be used as a last resort. That doesn't sound like a situation where either of those things applied.

youarewinning Fri 08-Nov-13 22:53:25

eofa If that comment is aimed at me "assuming" you couldn't be more wrong. At the time the teacher actually told me she witnessed the incident. DS was buzzing his bee puppet around and touched the girls arm with it and said "stung you". The girl burst into tears and the teachers words was "visably devastated". DS just carried on buzzing his bee around. So she punished him. She didn't ask him to apologise and he didn't touch anyone else. She just told him he was to be punished for making the child cry.
His motives weren't 'good' but yet they weren't intended to upset. And she would never actually tell me if DS was the only 4yo who used the bee puppet as a ...................... well puppet grin

Mummyoftheyear Fri 08-Nov-13 22:55:49

I'd have seen red and may have said something, too! YANBU - but she'll misinterpret it as 'like son, like parent'.

youarewinning Fri 08-Nov-13 22:57:16

This teacher would no doubt have made the OP very aware if the behaviour was a repeat offence. She doesn't sound like the sort to miss an opportunity. No she never did miss an opportunity to report..... DS called out in class today; DS won't sit on the carpet between people and insists on sitting on the outskirts; same with PE; DS is clinging to the only person he knows from nursery and not socialising with the children I'm trying to get him to befriend; DS forgot to go to the office today for his medication............. you get the picture?

WooWooOwl Fri 08-Nov-13 23:17:27

What was the punishment for pretend stinging this girl?

I'm struggling to see what the teacher did that was that bad tbh. She doesn't sound great, but she doesn't sound awful either.

Lilacroses Fri 08-Nov-13 23:22:21

I don't care what your son did or did not do when he was a 4/5 year old, she is a very unpleasant woman to greet him in this way....particularly given that he was ill. If I ever see a child that was challenging in my class I either feel genuinely delighted to hear that they are thriving or guilty that I couldn't help them more. She is a rude, unkind woman and your response was spot on. Hope your Ds feels better soon.

Annunziata Fri 08-Nov-13 23:29:20

YABU. She said hello to him and asked how he was getting on, that's perfectly polite.

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