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To flirt all the time?

(164 Posts)
Brittapie Thu 07-Nov-13 19:42:07

Apparently I am constantly flirting. I keep getting in trouble for it.

The vast majority of the time (like, 99.9%) I mean absolutely nothing by it at all. It's just a nice way of giving people an ego boost, having a bit of fun etc. I'm not talking actually rubbing against people, I'm not even sure what it is I do really - making eye contact mostly I think, I dunno.

I get told I flirt when I dance too (I do partner dancing) but that just is because it feels weird NOT to look at someone who has their arm round my waist, and if I keep eye contact and smile I am much less likely to get dizzy and/or lose my lead somehow.

I probably do talk about sex a lot. OK I definitely do. But that's not in a flirty way, I just have a dirty sense of humour, and a lot of my friends are the same.

If people don't flirt back I stop, but I would say about 50% of people do flirt back (it's hard to say cos I don't really do it consciously) Every now and again I get in an outrageous flirt off when I find someone else who is as bad as I am grin

I'm bisexual, but I also do move in circles where maybe a third of my good platonic friends are men, so gender isn't really that big a deal (except that men are more likely to flirt back I suppose)

I'm not wafting about in miniskirts and high heels. I basically dress like a slightly vintagey student, I have very little poise and elegance. I am well fit grin but I genuinely think that most people are, if they would only believe it.

If I actually fancy someone I usually lose the ability to talk to them even normally and generally act all embarrassed and shy.

That doesn't help though. People keep telling me I was flirting, or telling me off for it. Not the people I'm flirting with though, because I just interact with the person I'm interacting with, not the entire room. And if it is a partner of the flirtee objecting, well they should be objecting to their partner, not to me. I wouldn't have any issue with a partner of mine flirting because, well, it's flirting.

SIGH.

So yeah, does anyone else flirt? And is a bit of harmless flirting really THAT bad?

Bettercallsaul1 Thu 07-Nov-13 19:45:09

No, and yes.

CoffeeTea103 Thu 07-Nov-13 19:47:29

You sound creepy. hmm

PresidentServalan Thu 07-Nov-13 19:48:51

What Bettercall said! You describe yourself as 'well fit' - shock

People who flirt all the time don't tend to get taken seriously.

supermum1967 Thu 07-Nov-13 19:49:06

You are letting men sexually exploit you

Joysmum Thu 07-Nov-13 19:49:50

Unused to flirt a lot when I was single. If I thought I was negatively affecting anyone I wouldn't, if I wasn't then no harm do e and it was a bit of fun for both.

killpeppa Thu 07-Nov-13 19:50:22

eh... okay.

Victoria3012 Thu 07-Nov-13 19:52:20

How old are you ? You sound about 14 years old wink

PresidentServalan Thu 07-Nov-13 19:52:42

If you can't interact with people without flirting, I think you have a problem. How about interacting with people as people instead - it sounds from your OP that you are a walking ego - do you think people find that pleasant?

littlemissnormal Thu 07-Nov-13 19:52:49

Are you the friend of the OP on the other thread whose friend thinks everyone fancies her?

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Thu 07-Nov-13 19:52:50

How does it get you into trouble?

PenguinDancer Thu 07-Nov-13 19:53:16

I flirt a little but you sound like a... well, without being too harsh... creep.

HandMini Thu 07-Nov-13 19:54:29

How old are you? Are you in a relationship? Do you work in a professional sphere?

I would be wary of flirting. Lots of people will see it as friendly and fun. Unfortunately others will see it as a come on, or perhaps unprofessional or intimidating.

whatshallwedo Thu 07-Nov-13 19:55:32

You say you don't do it consciously but if they don't flirt back you stop??

I'd say you know full well what you are doing and as soon as you realise they aren't 'interested' in your 'well fit' self you no longer want to speak to them.

Brittapie Thu 07-Nov-13 19:55:37

President - I am well fit. Everyone is. They just need the confidence to realise it. Objectively I'm no model, I'm a bit overweight, I have glasses and spots and daft hair and sometimes a limp, and I have had quite a lot of hateful things said to me about what I look like, but they hurt for about a minute until I remember that I am, in fact, well fit and they can bugger off until they get comfortable enough in their own skin to stop picking on other people grin

PenguinDancer Thu 07-Nov-13 19:55:40

also someone who describes themselves as 'well fit' is probably not really that fit when they need to flirt all the time. My guess is that your flirting makes you seem well fit, but a bit of a joke.

Get some self respect.

UriGeller Thu 07-Nov-13 19:55:45

Well, I'd say its entirely harmless, until someone gets hurt by it. I'm guessing you know when to rein it in. Also, flirting to get your own way, or to gain an advantage over a non-flirty person, is out of order.

PresidentServalan Thu 07-Nov-13 19:55:57

Is it me, or is this thread not going to end well....

People who flirt all the time do tend to end up being the brunt of a lot of jokes. I have to admit I would file you in the 'slightly vacuous' drawer if II was around you a lot and noticed the constant flirting. Sorry.

RevelsRoulette Thu 07-Nov-13 19:57:27

If people are telling you to stop - listen to them! If you were a bloke, you'd be the one they called The Sleeze. grin

And define 'harmless'? Is harmless something that doesn't bother you? What about if it bothers others? Is it still harmless because it hasn't met your personal criteria for being 'harmful'?

Other people matter too and if you make people feel uncomfortable, you should at least consider if perhaps they have a point.

GobblersAnyKnobFucker Thu 07-Nov-13 19:57:44

Ack, I don't know when flirting became such a bad thing, when it became synonoymous with stealing other womens husbands I supose. Personally I see nothing wrong with flirting though tbh I flirt far more with women than men.

So I don't think yabu, and think your op was pretty tongue in cheek, but expect not many other will feel the same.

gamerchick Thu 07-Nov-13 19:57:51

I don't even know where to start with that one.

You're going to be well sick when you become 'less fit' and people atop responding to you because from the sounds of it you don't know how else to be around people.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Thu 07-Nov-13 19:58:44

It might do you the world of good to flirt and give you an ego boost, but can you imagine what it is doing to some of the partners of those you are flirting with? Pretty selfish imo. Choose your audience.

Brittapie Thu 07-Nov-13 20:02:23

Oh, no, I still speak to them. One of my best friends in the world doesn't even do eye contact much and I'm still very close to her. Most of my friends I met online so I wasn't flirting with them, and most of the friends I flirt with we only do it sometimes when we are both feeling bouncy.

I'm 28, I have a boyfriend (who doesn't care if I flirt and I find it amusing if I even notice him flirting) and I can't work atm because I have a long term illness. i have previously managed to hold down various jobs, only flirting in the ones where flirting is needed (sales, bar work, etc) and not in the ones where it would be inappropiate (care, local council)

LadyVetinari Thu 07-Nov-13 20:02:38

I wouldn't feel comfortable a witness or recipient of that behaviour - indiscriminate flirting is just a bit... inadequate, somehow. It suggests that you don't perceive yourself (or the other person) as having the capacity to be interesting or valuable on a non-sexual level. Plus, monogamy is a pretty well entrenched social norm in our culture, and monogamous people will naturally get pissy with you if you don't respect that.

I agree with PresidentServalan's suggestion that you try treating people as people rather than sex objects or walking ego boosts.

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