To think that I shouldn't get a nasty surprise at Parents' Evening?

(52 Posts)
ILoveAFullFridge Thu 07-Nov-13 08:55:09

If a dc is having problems, should the first I hear of it - despite regular contact with the form teacher - be at Patents' Evening?

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 07-Nov-13 08:57:05

Why - did you get a shock?

mrsjay Thu 07-Nov-13 08:59:38

what did they say why was it a shock, we cant really comment much, I do think if your child is having serious issues at school then perhaps they should have contacted you.

havingastress Thu 07-Nov-13 09:01:35

No. Parents' evening should never be a surprise.

Joysmum Thu 07-Nov-13 09:01:43

I think you're dead right, issues should be raised as and when they arise.

Likewise, for appraisals at works or any other relationship issues. Things shouldn't be allowed to build.

NotYoMomma Thu 07-Nov-13 09:02:08

I agree - its like at work isn't it.

if you had issues with work you would expect them to be flagged up and raised prior to yourannual performance review and allow time to address anythibg raised

imo

VoiceofRaisin Thu 07-Nov-13 09:02:14

He, he, it could be worse. Once when my DD was little, in the END OF YEAR report for beginners' french, her teacher said "Mini Raisin has learned nothing this year, whether because of lack of talent or poor attitude I cannot tell". I thought that was more of a reflection on the teacher than on Mini Raisin grin but, more to the point, I wondered why this HADN'T been mentioned in parents' evenings along the way. I also had to chuckle as my DH is bilingual, and DD has grandparents who live in France so actually she spoke rather good french for an 8 year old but clearly the teacher had never got round to discovering this! :-o

YANBU

tiggytape Thu 07-Nov-13 09:03:53

YANBU - a 5 or 10 minute chat at parents evening is for general information, general progress, confirming things are on track, small niggles and questions.
It isn't to announce for the first time that a child is wildly behind their peers, has suspected additional needs, has been experiencing bullying or behavioural problems or anything else that is going to upset and worry the parents and require a much more lengthy discussion to start to resolve.

It isn't fair to drop a bomb shell and then send the parents off to fret about it until a few days later when they can get an appointment and it also gives the impression that the school has saved up the announcement for an official parent's meeting rather than keeping open contact with parents as soon as a problem arises..

yanbu, of course. There shouldn't be any surprises at all, just more detail into what you already know.

Agree with pps that it's like at work re appraisals.

MadeOfStarDust Thu 07-Nov-13 09:08:23

I found out that my dd's tutor thought she was someone else entirely.... that was a bit of a shock....

teacher123 Thu 07-Nov-13 09:08:48

We are told at our school that nothing at parents evening should be a shock. I don't teach a core subject, but in my previous school where I taught GCSE and A level any issues were flagged up by email or phone call as soon as they arose. We also did half termly effort/attainment grades so children were constantly monitored.

mrsjay Thu 07-Nov-13 09:11:37

I had that with dd1 at a parents night madeofstardust infact I got the physic report of a 14 yr old boy shock I was livid the teacher just read off his sheet saying dd had been behind and what not , I said but she got a 90% in HER last test ? he quickly shuffled papers angry

Meglet Thu 07-Nov-13 09:13:33

Yanbu. Problems shouldn't be allowed to fester just because it's not parents evening yet.

I speak to the DC's teachers briefly every week just to check they don't have any concerns. It's a constant 2-way relationship, they're not of bounds until parents evening.

Crowler Thu 07-Nov-13 09:13:45

I think that depends on how much contact you keep with the teacher?

Sure you could argue that they should have told you at the first sign of an issue, but they could argue it's still early on in the term.

CocktailQueen Thu 07-Nov-13 09:15:15

No, there should be no nasty stocks re your child's progress or behaviour at parents evening. They should be brought up as and when they arise.

CocktailQueen Thu 07-Nov-13 09:16:26

stocks - shocks!!

Flossyfloof Thu 07-Nov-13 09:17:01

OMG Meglet - all of your child's teachers every week? I bet they love you.

Lambsie Thu 07-Nov-13 09:21:53

No it shouldn't be a suprise. I got one despite my son having a statement (which the teacher clearly had no idea of the contents of) a home school book and contact with a TA morning and afternoon. They still have a habit of dropping things on us but I know what they are like now and am ready for it.

MulberryHag Thu 07-Nov-13 09:23:03

Flossy I thought exactly the same thing! grin

Meglet Thu 07-Nov-13 09:23:39

That also reminds me that in senior school my french teacher didn't know who I was, she preferred the queen bee's and loud kids. Mum and Dad cane home furious with her. It was one of the few times in my life I had seen my mum rant about anything!

Meglet Thu 07-Nov-13 09:27:24

flossy they have an open door policy at the end of every day so parents can go into the classroom and speak to the teachers. We have a lot of problems at home and I'm struggling so I make sure I catch up with their teachers every week. It's only a couple of minutes, I'm not going through their work books or anything!

Meglet Thu 07-Nov-13 09:29:08

They're at infant school, so it's only 2 teachers. I know I'll have zero control at senior age.

mrsjay Thu 07-Nov-13 09:30:04

meglet tbh dd1 was a bit invisible at high school she was like a shadow sometimes they didnt really know who she was and would only go by work her personality didnt start to come through till she was about 16
her sister not so much they ALL know who she is grin,

mrsjay Thu 07-Nov-13 09:31:12

I think an open door policy is a fab idea why not it is a 2 way street imo and if you are having a quick catch up with a teacher then they can avoid problems like the op has ,

DeWe Thu 07-Nov-13 09:34:38

It depends surely on what the surprise is and when it has occurred. If it has been building gradually or happened in the last week, then personally I'd rather be told at parents' evening than be called in for an extra (and probably inconvenient) chat.

I otoh gave dd1's teacher a shock in year 6 when he started by asking how we felt she was doing, and I went straight into a bullying situation. It was mostly occuring during changing for games for the girls. Him being a male teacher was not there at that point. But it rendered him temporarily speechless (from a very chatting and lively teacher too!) partually because who else was involved.
Once I hd said it, he then linked up "silly comments" and realised there was a lot more going on-the girl involved was very careful not to do anything in front of him. He got on top of it very quickly then.

I could have gone in sooner, but it was a situation that built up gradually over 2 terms, from a couple of snide comments a week. The problem with that was it wasn't clear when the line needed to be drawn. Dd1 had only admitted it bothered her (rather than mentioning the comments in passing) the previous week.
Dd1 also didn't want me going in, so it was much easier to deal with it at parents' evening than request I saw him at another time.

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