to be frustrated with the way dh cares for dd?

(35 Posts)
FigRolls Tue 05-Nov-13 22:31:36

I work from home and have my youngest who's one with me while my eldest is at school. Dh hasone weekday off where he has our one year old so I can make calls for work etc. On this day (today) he's supposed to be in charge of the school run, looking after dd then school pick up and taking to extra curricular activity.

I showered this morning, made packed lunches for both children, walked the dog and packed dds book and after school activity bag. Woke dd for school, brushed her teeth, did her hair, got her breakfast etc. I hear one year old stirring at 8.10. They need to leave at 8.25. It goes quiet and I go up to find dh shushing her back to sleep...! I explain the time and say dd needs to be up and dressed, he goes to brush his teeth etc so I get dd dressed and fed, he strolls down at 8.20 and puts the kettle on!? He then went to his mum's for the day, dd hardly ate a thing, she'd only had 20 mins nap and so was starving and worn out after dds activity. She's clung to me all night, has been really tired so too fussy to eat properly and so also hungry. Tomorrow I know she'll be catching up on sleep and probably nap for 3+ hours which means we can never do anything the day after he's looked after her. Aibu to think he should care for her properly rather than just 'make it through' the one day he has her?

LayMeDown Wed 06-Nov-13 06:49:46

So he doesn't get up until 9.30, so what? He'll have to deal with the consequences of that. Bring DD in late for school, deal with teacher, write note, go back with a.lunch if he hasn't made one. The next week he will get up earlier.
He only stays in bed because he gets away with it. I always got up with DS2 for first year as I was bf, but once he was weaned H got up to him. Yes first couple of nights he protested but he got used to it. So insist H gets up to her if she's restless through his fault.
What about my idea of him taking older DD and doing homework while you settle baby early?

FigRolls Wed 06-Nov-13 09:05:33

Unfortunately not - he was late last week but still not up until 8.10 yesterday. Bf has been the reason he hasn't got up with dd too. Elder dd wants me to do homework, reading book and stories after not seeing me all day and I want to see her too.

EvaBeaversProtege Wed 06-Nov-13 09:39:41

The child "wouldn't tolerate" her father getting up with her in the mornings hmm

noblegiraffe Wed 06-Nov-13 09:42:27

You were up packing lunches and making breakfast and stuff, why didn't you kick his lazy arse out of bed?
There was a long thread the other week about a DH who spent all morning making elaborate toast breakfasts instead of getting ready, he didn't get much MN sympathy either!

LayMeDown Wed 06-Nov-13 11:53:28

Look FigRolls your husband has (I assume) no SN. He is as far as we know a fully functioning adult man. There is no earthly reason that he can't get himself and two children up, ready and out of the house for school. He manages a demanding job, I am sure he can cope with this. He just doesn't choose to, because he doesn't have to. You enable him in this.
Now if you are happy to accept this lazy attitude to you and your children then fine, but you are not happy to are you? Are you seriously telling me that left to his own devices (if say you dropped dead in the morning) your child would never get to school. Of course she would. He will behave like an adult if he is expected to.
By not expecting him to do his job you are making life difficult to yourself. Make him get up with the baby, she will get used to it. Feed her and hand her over to him to settle. The first couple of times she may kick off but he's her Dad fgs she loves him. She'll stay with him if you remove yourself from her sight. It'll be unpleasant in the first few days but worth it. Do this in the evenings to and spend time with elder DD.
Or if you prefer to stay with her in the evening get DH to do homework with DD and you settle her and spend time with DD once she's asleep. If she's that shattered she won't take that long to settle.
Or you can continue to do it all with both of them morning and evening, let H off the hook for the consequences of his sub standard care and get increasingly more frustrated.
Its your like <shrug>

mitchsta Wed 06-Nov-13 12:07:23

He's like this because he can be. Others are right when they say it's up to you to stop doing everything for him if you want him to start making the effort. He needs to learn to get himself and the kids up and ready - no questions. No doing it for him if he doesn't. No making sure he's doing things your way - let him figure it out for himself and shut yourself away to get on with your work. He's an adult. You're making excuses for him every time you reply here. Unless you're willing to do something differently, things will stay the same and your frustration will grow.

He sees it as a sign that she's securely attached to him, but not me

Sorry but your partner (ha!!) Sounds like a total prick. He is lazy, and is undermining your confidence and relationship with your children.

Not only does he leave you to do everything, but he makes ridiculous statements like the one above.

I would put money on there being more to this. Does he say anything else like this to you OP? Does he criticise you?

mummymeister Wed 06-Nov-13 12:14:20

agree with mitchsa. so long as you keep doing it then so will he. he is an adult. you are an adult. you manage to get up and deal with the children then so should he. you just have to grit your teeth and let it fail next time or it will never change. If you aren't prepared or able to do this then stop moaning about it and accept it as it is. if you don't then this half way house where you don't like it but wont deal with it will eat away at you and your relationship. make a plan for the next time, stick to it.

Lancelottie Wed 06-Nov-13 12:19:13

Oh dear.
Having seen both your current threads I stand by my comment that he sounds really annoying.

Any idea why the previous relationship broke down? <whistles...>

No worries, xmas ! It's hard tbh. Dd started cruising at 7 1/2 months and is nearly totally walking now and her party piece is closing my laptop or mashing the buttons hmm

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