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AIBU?

To think you you check before sending your child over to play?

80 replies

SadFace502 · 03/11/2013 10:15

Just that really... My DS goes to school with a child over the road, they are 7.

At weekends his parents regularly send him over to 'play' - he rocks up on our doorstep and asks to come in and play... Obviously DS does the "oh, please let X stay and play' so I generally let him in (inwardly seething).... X then slopes around saying "I'm bored", "can I have a coke", "I only came to you because Y down the road isn't in" etc for an hour or so (whilst also trashing the house) before I message his parents to see if I can send him back!

My DH works shifts and frequently sleeps during the day so having two 7 year olds plus my DS2 who is 4 running around the house isn't ideal. The parent knows that he has to sleep during the day yet still sends him over....

He came over yesterday and asked to come in and play, luckily we were just off to meet friends so I felt justified in saying no... He said that his parents were out and that he would go to the skate park.... I saw him cycling around the street when we went out - he's only 7, and I felt bad!!

Sorry for the rant, I want to say that I'd prefer it if she asks but don't want to come across as rude

Thanks...

OP posts:

Report

MidniteScribbler · 03/11/2013 10:17

Just say no. Tell them that your husband works shifts and that they need to text you before sending him over as you don't want him woken. He can't come over unless you respond and say yes.

spongebob13 · 03/11/2013 10:19

why are you messagin her before you send him home? yanbu btw. that would drive me mad. so he is left to fend for himself? is he locked out of his house? that's terrible, he is only 7!

PatoBanton · 03/11/2013 10:19

do not message asking to send him back. Just do it - they sent him to you, so send him to them. He is their child fter all

Say no when he rocks up

Are there other issues as he may well be in need

PatoBanton · 03/11/2013 10:20

I mean could you mention it to his school or something, sounds neglected

FetchezLaVache · 03/11/2013 10:21

If your DH is asleep when he arrives, tell him this means he can't come in and send him home. Don't message his parents to "ask" if you can send him home when you're sick of him. You're sending out a very strong message to these people that you accept that your role in life is to provide them with free childcare no matter the inconvenience to you.

Coconutty · 03/11/2013 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awomansworth · 03/11/2013 10:23

Why on earth are you messaging the parents checking it's ok for their child to come home, just send him home.

You know unless you are assertive and just say no, this will keep happening.

FreakinRexManningDay · 03/11/2013 10:24

'Can I come in?'

'No.'

SadFace502 · 03/11/2013 10:24

She used to text and I wouldn't respond, now she just sends him over!

They are not British,I think where they come from kids just run in and out of other peoples houses....

I think she'll think I'm being snooty if I tell her to text first... Contemplating hiding behind the sofa and gagging the kids when I hear a knock at the door!!!

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 03/11/2013 10:25

Why on earth are you messaging the parents checking it's ok for their child to come home, just send him home.You know unless you are assertive and just say no, this will keep happening.

^^
This.

And don't let him in, in the first place!

Nanny0gg · 03/11/2013 10:25

She used to text and I wouldn't respond, now she just sends him over!

So send him back!!

Sparklingbrook · 03/11/2013 10:27

Don't open the door. Open an upstairs window and say it's not convenient. I have done this. A lot.

PatoBanton · 03/11/2013 10:28

I have had moments when I have prevented the door being answered...

it's your right to do that. Or, answer it, let your child say 'pleeeease' though it sounds like they don't get much out of it, and say 'No'. And close the door.

It's really that simple.

NorthernShores · 03/11/2013 10:29

Just to providm a different perspective -it seems quite normal on our estate for kids to go knocking on each other doors asking to play. It drives me nuts as my daughter wants to go out everytime someone knocks.

I'd initially not even met parents. I've met a few on the school run and they seem nice enough. But it does seen to be a different cultural expectation.

spongebob13 · 03/11/2013 10:29

while I agree with everyone to just send him back but you sound compassionate and I also would probably let him in. is this a regular thing? he is left on him own a lot? how long would he spend here? tbh when it comes to the welfare of a child I wouldn't care what she thought of me i'd do go over and say its been noted that he's been left to fend for himself that he has said his parents aren't home etc and that you will be keeping an eye on things etc.

FreakinRexManningDay · 03/11/2013 10:29

Seriously just send him back home. Kids don't die of not having friends in to trash the house and give you a headache play.

Sparklingbrook · 03/11/2013 10:30

It gets difficult when some children you allow in and some you don't.

PacificDogwood · 03/11/2013 10:30

We have a multitude of DSs' friends coming and going here.
If it suits, they are more than welcome; if it doesn't I send them on their way.
Easy.

There is no obligation to have other children at your house. 'No' is a complete sentence .

MammaTJ · 03/11/2013 10:31

I do not send my 7 year old DS to peoples houses, he plays out and goes and calls for friends, and sometimes he ends up in their house, sometimes they end up in ours.

I am British btw, and it is normal where I live. Most people let their children play out as soon as they start school, so as young as 4. Mine are 7 and 8 and I only started letting them out to play during the easter holidays.

usualsuspect · 03/11/2013 10:33

Kids on our estate knock for each other to play all the time

Just say no, if you don't want him to come in

Viviennemary · 03/11/2013 10:33

I don't think you should have any qualms in sending him away if it's not convenient. The fact that he appears to be neglected by his parents is another matter.

FloresCircumdati · 03/11/2013 10:35

Learn to say no!

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WinterWinds · 03/11/2013 10:35

Why are you letting him in?

If its not convenient then tell him no not today. I have had kids knocking the door asking to come in but I just put it down to them chancing their luck rather than being sent over by parents as usually parents are wanting them out from under their feet.

And if friends have been in I certainly don't ask parents if its ok to send them home they go home when I think its time. Who cares if she thinks your being snooty?
If it doesn't suit you then say so, its your house.

Inertia · 03/11/2013 10:37

Just don't let him in! Say no, it isn't convenient.

Or you could say that your husband is sleeping and send both the children over to the other child's house ..

spongebob13 · 03/11/2013 10:40

Inertia I wouldn't be sending my ds over there sounds like they don't care to supervise their own not a mind someone else's child.

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